Zaiger's impacted bowels.

Discussion in 'Trolls & Lulz' started by Explodingpiglets, Jul 19, 2011.

  1. Explodingpiglets

    Explodingpiglets
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    Thought I'd repost this.

    <Explodingpiglets>Did you guys hear about zaiger's impacted bowels?
    <Patroclus> holy shit guys
    <Patroclus> ho
    <Patroclus> ly
    <Patroclus> shit
    <Anorov> what
    <Thayo> holy shit
    <Anorov> what happened patroclus
    <Patroclus> wait, impacted bowels? this sounds awesome
    <Explodingpiglets> Well, you guys ever have to take a dump or piss, but you didn't want to leave the computer?
    <Drogo> ... maybe.
    <lampshade_> lol!
    <lampshade_> '
    <lampshade_> ^^^
    <Explodingpiglets> Well, zaiger as always, was addicted to IRC
    <nachash> Explodingpiglets: If that happens often enough, get a laptop
    <Patroclus> Explodingpiglets i use a laptop
    <nachash> lampshade: Did you ever call Harold Camping again?
    <Patroclus> that's never a problem
    <Explodingpiglets> So when he felt the familiar pressure in his bowels, he ignored it
    <Patroclus> Anorov it's just an expression
    <Patroclus> it doesn't mean anything
    <Explodingpiglets> and he continued to type on his laptop
    <lampshade_> Harold Camping?
    <Explodingpiglets> But the pressure got worse and he continued to ignore it
    <zaiger> wat
    <Explodingpiglets> but soon, he couldn't ignore it anymore
    <zaiger> i was getting beer
    <lampshade_> NO
    <lampshade_> U
    <lampshade_> DON'T FUCK WITH MAH ZAIGER
    <zaiger> i do not have an impacted bowel
    <lampshade_> loooooooooool
    <lampshade_> sry then
    <lampshade_> :3
    <zaiger> :>
    <Explodingpiglets> But then he got a brilliant idea! Zaiger would bring the laptop into the bathroom with him!
    <Meepsheep> brb
    <zaiger> that was not me
    <zapjaste> oh my god
    <zapjaste> i was just about to do that
    <Explodingpiglets> So he picked up the laptop and ran to the bathroom
    <zapjaste> for real
    <zaiger> that was lemonlisp
    <zapjaste> i have to take a shit
    <lampshade_> HAHAHAHAHAH zappy
    <Explodingpiglets> only to find that the lock slipped and locked the bathroom
    <zapjaste> if im ircing hard when i have to take a shit i bring laptop with me
    <lolwut> I came.
    <zapjaste> otherwise i dont
    <lampshade_> LOL
    <Xero> <Explodingpiglets> Well, you guys ever have to take a dump or piss, but you didn't want to leave the computer?
    <Xero> HAHAHA NO
    <Explodingpiglets> zaiger panicked, he tried to unlock it with his fingernail
    <Xero> I HAVE A LAPTOP
    <Xero> FUCK YOU
    <Explodingpiglets> but he broke his nail
    <lampshade_> if my bathroom wasn't so far away i would too
    <Explodingpiglets> Zaiger squealed like a girl
    <lolwut> Olololol
    <Explodingpiglets> but in a fit of adrenaline, he charged at the door and used his weight and momentum to bust it down
    <zaiger> sometimes i have to poop really bad but i dont want to leave irc
    <lolwut> How manly.
    <lampshade_> lol zaiger
    <zaiger> so i poop in a bag
    <lampshade_> hahahahahahahahahhaa
    <lampshade_> oh god
    <zaiger> :D:D:D:D:D
    * link2x101 has quit (Ping timeout: 240 seconds)
    * link2x101_ (~link2x101@EncyclopediaDramaticaIRC-CBB8DCF0.dyn.optonline.net) has joined #ed
    <lampshade_> that sounds like my friend alex
    <Patroclus> this is delicious
    <Explodingpiglets> he put his computer down, pulled down his pants and immediately let his shit loose
    <DildoBaggins> i just like holding my poop in
    <lolwut> I poop in my hand and 3 point it into the toilet.
    <lampshade_> once i told him he wasn't allowed to poop in my house anymore
    <DildoBaggins> its a fun game
    <Explodingpiglets> unfortunately, his hands were in the way of his ass
    <lampshade_> and he shat outside
    <Explodingpiglets> and they got shat on
    <zaiger> oh noes
    <Drogo> what about diarrhea lolwut?
    <zaiger> poop hands
    <Explodingpiglets> Zaiger was so grossed out that he puked
    <lolwut> Old condom, drogo.
    <Drogo> hahaha ewwww
    <Explodingpiglets> and unfortunately, he puked all over his laptop
    <lolwut> A condom waterballoon of diarrhea
    <zaiger> oh no!
    * nachash has quit (Remote host closed the connection)
    <lolwut> That I throw into school playgrounds.
    <zaiger> my ex's son puked on her laptop
    <Drogo> what every girl wants for a birthday gift.
    <zaiger> and fried it
    <Drogo> or at least is getting from now on.
    <lolwut> LOL.
    <Explodingpiglets> zaiger panicked, he had to clean off the bile before it got into the electronic parts
    <lolwut> HURRY ZAIGER
    <Explodingpiglets> so he immediately began to wipe it up with his hands
    <lolwut> Eeeeeewwwwwwww
    <Explodingpiglets> only to realize the fatal mistake he made
    <lolwut> How uncouth.
    <Explodingpiglets> his hands were still covered in shit
    <Patroclus> puking on laptops, shitting in your hands and condoms full of diarrhea
    <zaiger> FATALITY
    <Patroclus> ED at its best
    <Explodingpiglets> now he had bile and shit on his keyboard
    * Sulla has quit ()
    <Explodingpiglets> then he remembered the toilet paper
    <Patroclus> this is the most sophisticated we will ever be
    <lolwut> patroclus that should be an ED quote.
    <Patroclus> enjoy it while it lasts
    <Explodingpiglets> he looked at the roll only to realize....there was no roll.
    <Explodingpiglets> He forgot to buy toilet paper at the store!
    <link2x101_> XD
    <lolwut> THEN WHO WAS ROLL
    <Explodingpiglets> So he did the only thing he could do....
    <Drogo> so he wiped his ass with a baby!!
    <Explodingpiglets> he used his tongue
    <lolwut> :l
    <lolwut> Wat.
    <Explodingpiglets> to clean off the keyboard
    <lolwut> Wat.
    <lolwut> Wat.
    <link2x101_> .
    <Explodingpiglets> well, his mouth actually
    <lolwut> Zaiger u a dirty boi u
    <lolwut> Vacuum-sucked dat shits?
    <zaiger> thats try
    <Explodingpiglets> he picked up the computer using the bottom of his palms and held it up to his face
    <zaiger> tru
    <zaiger> i cried
    <Explodingpiglets> then he slurped the bile/shit mixture into his mouth
    <Xero> please
    <Xero> stop making me laugh
    <Xero> my stomach is hurting so bad
    <Explodingpiglets> he became sick again and he felt the puke comingup
    <Explodingpiglets> but he was ready for it
    <Drogo> let him hurt, tell moar
    <Explodingpiglets> and he puked out the window
    <lolwut> Oh lulz.
    <lolwut> ONTO A NIGGER!
    <Explodingpiglets> unfortunately, his puke landed on a black mother
    <Explodingpiglets> and her 14 children
    <lolwut> Hahahahahaha
    <lolwut> Lollercoaster
    <Xero> thats a lotta puke
    <Xero> or projectile
    <Drogo> hehehehe and they ate it
    <lolwut> Roflcopter
    <lampshade_> Explodingpiglets, you're p entertaining.
    <Explodingpiglets> Well xero, the air disturbuted it into a sprinkle
    <Xero> high up
    <Xero> lol
    <lolwut> Lrn2science xero ;o.
    <Explodingpiglets> anyway, her boyfriends, including one of her sons, decided to get revenge
    <lolwut> Uh oh.
    <lolwut> Did u git buttraped zaiger?
    <Drogo> oh noes! nigggar revenge!!
    <lolwut> :<
    <Explodingpiglets> They stormed up the apartment stairwell and knocked down his door
    <zaiger> NIGGGAR!!
    <lolwut> :O
    <Explodingpiglets> "IMMA GONNA GET YOU CRACKA, WHERE YOU AT?" they shouted
    <Explodingpiglets> then they saw zaiger's shit covered hands, bile and shit covered laptop, while he was shitting on the toilet
    * nachash (~nachash@210-50-93-160.ade.iprimus.net.au) has joined #ed
    <Explodingpiglets> The niggers became so disgusted and horrified that they all puked
    <lolwut> Lulzzz
    <Explodingpiglets> they all puked all over zaiger and his bathroom floor
    <Explodingpiglets> this made the floor slippery
    <Explodingpiglets> with puke
    <lolwut> NIGGER PUKE!!?
    <zaiger> nigger puke is worse than acid
    * Patroclus has quit (Quit: CHEESE IT, IT'S THE COPS)
    <lolwut> Zaiger you must be scarred.
    <zaiger> i am
    * Patroclus (~Patroclus@EncyclopediaDramaticaIRC-A909CF9F.zone6.bethere.co.uk) has joined #ed
    <zaiger> scurred
    <Explodingpiglets> They began to slip and in a moment of confusion, somebody fired an AK-47
    <Xero> involve dildos
    <Patroclus> fuck
    <Xero> somehow
    <Explodingpiglets> the 3 year old fired the AK
    <Patroclus> connection was terrible
    <lolwut> LOL
    <Xero> involve dildos somehow
    <Xero> involve dildos somehow
    <Xero> involve dildos somehow
    <Patroclus> woah dildos
    <Patroclus> what
    <Drogo> seconded on the dildos
    <lolwut> Dildos.
    <Patroclus> what the hell did you guys talk about when my connection dropped
    <Explodingpiglets> this started a chain reaction of AK-47s as the nigger pack shot anywhere they could
    <Patroclus> ahhh what
    <Drogo> dil-does dil-does
    <Patroclus> i can't handle all the dildos
    <Xero> son of a bitch
    <Xero> im loling so hard
    <Drogo> we'll find another hole, then
    <Explodingpiglets> moments later, the niggers were dead
    <lolwut> All niggers have guns.
    <Xero> i have fucking staples in my stomach for reals
    <Xero> and it HURTS
    <Xero> but idgaf this is funny
    <Patroclus> i have staples in my penis
    <Patroclus> it's kinky as fuck
    <Explodingpiglets> Well it had a happy ending.
    * EmilyPlays has quit (Remote host closed the connection)
    <Xero> and no dildos!?
    <Drogo> we're not talking about stuff gotten for fun, patroclus
    <Xero> wtf man
    <Explodingpiglets> Zaiger cleaned up and he called the pest control
    <zaiger> to get rid of the niggers
    <Explodingpiglets> they came and took care of the nigger bodies
    <zaiger> see
    <lolwut> Did pest control charge extra for nigger removal?
    <zaiger> yes
    <Drogo> did they use dildos?
    <Xero> augh
    <Xero> ahahahah
    <zaiger> dead nigger storage is very expensive
    <Xero> fuck me
    <Explodingpiglets> He also called up his insurance to ask if they would replace his computer
    <Xero> oh god i cant read on
    <Patroclus> was there a sign outside?
    <Explodingpiglets> and surprisingly enough, after he explained his story, the agent said "Sure, we can do that. It has happened to all of us."
    <Xero> LOL
     
  2. Stephen

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    Now thats a lulzy story, wish I downloaded some IRC software, but meh.
     
  3. LIL LOC ANIMOSITY

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    THEN USE CHATZILLA, LAZY.
     
  4. Stephen

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    Chatzilla? Wut is dis?
     
  5. LIL LOC ANIMOSITY

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    IRC FOR LAZY PEOPLE.
     
  6. Stephen

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    i c.. Sounds perfect!

    Other than the fact that I have chrome, and not mozilla.
     
  7. LIL LOC ANIMOSITY

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    idun o, but i herdz of dis mibbitz thingy. http://www.mibbit.com/ luuks kinda ghey wif a froggi, but u mey liek it.
     
  8. Oh the humanity

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    Goddamit Explodingpiglets, I loved your stories. Can you repost the one about Zaiger and Beefcake?
     
  9. MrGask

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  17. Andria Kilgore

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    What's a water sheringham?
     
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    Do people actually read IRC logs?
     
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  20. MrGask

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  21. BMO

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  22. Andria Kilgore

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    Talkin' bout the town, talkin' China Grove, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, China Grove
     
  23. BMO

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    Thas my daddy right there. Come here daddy
     
  24. Andria Kilgore

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    Go fuck a water sheringham.
     
  25. BMO

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  26. Andria Kilgore

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  28. Andria Kilgore

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    Zaiger's impacted bowels can be relieved by drinking castor, cod-liver or mineral oil.
     
  29. BMO

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  30. Andria Kilgore

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    BMO was short-circuited by being knocked into the water by a water sheringham.