You know that feeling...

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Helix, Oct 5, 2011.

  1. Helix

    Helix
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    resident stoner

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    When you take a glorious dump? Allow me to paint a picture for you.

    You have spent the entire weekend pumping your bloodstream full of toxins; everything from Alcohol, to junk food, to a colorful array of controlled substances, or even all three. You wake up Monday morning feeling like under the weather. Not quite sick, but just off, like all of the euphoric effects have long since worn off, but the toxins and the headache remain. You slog through most of the morning, no appetite, irritable, just wanting to go back to bed. The whole morning you've been ripping wet, nasty farts, but you've yet to do the deed. Then, at around lunch time, you feel it. The rising and falling ache in your colon bothers you for nearly an hour or two, but you put it off because you have school/work to attend to, and your teacher/boss is a bitch. Finally, it becomes unbearable, you steal away to your undoubtedly gross public facility to do the deed. Immediately after sitting down you feel the turtle head poking at your anus, a shy but terrible beast just dying to get loose. You give it a good push, and before you know it, a one foot long, chocolate brown monstrosity is floating in the water below you. It is soft, but wide around, filled with assorted chunks of undigested food. It smells absolutely putrid, so much that it drives even it's creator to nearly vomit. You hastily flush the abomination down the toilet, and exit the bathroom three flushes and fifteen strips of toilet paper later. As your painfully expanded anus rebounds into it's original shape, you begin to notice something different. You feel light, freed from a great weight on your body. All the toxins collecting in your body over the past seventy-two hours have just been expelled out of your posterior in one mighty flex of the rectum. Sufficed to say, no matter what happens, the rest of your day will kick ass, and if you're cool you'll do it all over again.

    Any of you familiar with this? I'm sure you all are.
     
  2. Tom

    Tom
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    Oh fuck, I was laughing my ass off while I read that.

    But yeah I know how you feel.
     
  3. Helix

    Helix
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    I live for this, mang.
     
  4. TwoStar

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    EDF Hero

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    Un(?)fourtunatley, this has never happened to me.
    By the way, you flush in public places? How unusual.
     
  5. Lloyd

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    Amen, brother. This is like the monday-after gospel. It should totally be included into the Holy Book of Party Hard.
     
  6. Moscow

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    It's not just about football

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    got it in one there mate.
     
  7. Helix

    Helix
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    Is there really such a book? I must have it.
     
  8. k-hate

    k-hate
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    OG Dramacrat

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    im a girl i dont do that lol
     
  9. Helix

    Helix
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    resident stoner

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    I hesitate to believe that chicks don't shit.
     
  10. Lucky

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    Last week I had a burger with like half a pound of cheese on it. I pooped twice that night. Then it was another four days before I had a bowel movement.

    It was glorious.

    Also how the hell do you only use 15 strips of paper?
     
  11. Helix

    Helix
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    I mean, fifteen pulls, not fifteen individual squares. Who the fuck just uses one square?
     
  12. Lucky

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    That's what I couldn't figure out. I was like "You're telling me 15 individual squares of one-ply toilet paper is enough?".
     
  13. Helix

    Helix
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    I'd have to be some kind of super hero to wipe with that amount of toilet paper
     
  14. Lucky

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    Or just take baby dumps.
    But I'm a man. I take TURBODUMPS.
     
  15. Beefcake

    Beefcake
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    Best-selling author

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    Sometimes, I poop and wipe, but there's no trace of poop on the paper! So then I just wipe with the moist tissues and call it a day.
     
  16. Helix

    Helix
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    resident stoner

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    fascinating