Why Won't My Parakeet Eat My Diarrhea?

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Andria Kilgore, Jul 31, 2012.

  1. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Girlvinyl

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    I tried feeding him a bowl of diarrhea. He wouldn't eat it, it dried to a crust in his cage, and I had to break down and buy birdseed.
     
  2. Harpoons

    Harpoons
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    Fissure of Man

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    Unfunny without google.
     
  3. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Girlvinyl

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    No Mormons allowed. GTFO nao.
     
  4. Not Kibou

    Not Kibou
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    BANNED LOL

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    wat
     
  5. Harpoons

    Harpoons
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    Fissure of Man

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    One day you'll rot in hell for your life of internet sin.
     
  6. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Hell is christfag crazytalk. The only "afterlife" is returning to your elements of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and assorted minerals.
     
  7. Flu

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    Have you tried shitting all over a cuttlefish bone? They seem to like that.
    Worst comes to worst, try shitting your pants then sprinkling your anus with bird seed.
    If that doesn't work, get a less up-tight bird.
     
  8. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    I should have gotten the bird from a pet store, not a guy in a parking lot with a white Chevy van full of birdcages and birds.
     
  9. Flu

    Flu
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    Actually man, not to contradict you in your own thread, but I've found (from experience) that birds bought from the white Chevy van eat the most shit. But maybe I just got my shit eating birds from a different white chevy?
    Also, look into getting a parrot next time - you can train them to cry "noo!!!" in the voice of a little kid (provided youre abusing a little kid around the parrot.) It's pretty hot when they eat your shit and cry (both parrot and kid).
     
  10. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    You didn't buy it from a guy in Arizona who drove a Chevy van with some kind of weird custom front end and bubble windows on the sides, the vendor was sitting in a lawn chair by the open side door drinking a bottle of whiskey.
     
  11. scumhook

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    Thread of the day
     
  12. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    I tried feeding my parakeet some of the gallon pickle jar of @Die In A Fire 's period blood that is in the fridge here. He wouldn't eat that either.
     
  13. scumhook

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    What a cunt of a bird.

    BBQ the bitch.
     
  14. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    I'm about to chop its head off with a paper cutter if it doesn't shut the fuck up.
     
  15. Flu

    Flu
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    Go all carnival geek on it and bite its head off.
     
  16. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Girlvinyl

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    Fix'd.
     
  17. faggotmaximum

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    i have this same problem. i find they take much more kindly to it if you have an erection
     
  18. The Doctor

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    Its obviously because he is a baby parakeet, so if you want him to eat your diarrhea you have to put it in your mouth first and chew it a bit and then let him feed out of your mouth.
     
  19. Trixie

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    I work in a library.
    quit being a cheap bastard & buy the bird some real bird seed food...
    and get him one of those little mirrors so he can look @ himself & preen.
     
  20. The Doctor

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  21. Scorch

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    I actually had a dream last night where the Parakeet I had when I was 6 got into a fight with the hamster I had when I was 10.

    And then my hamster was eaten by a Manticore.
     
  22. The Doctor

    The Doctor
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    I only keep pets for self pleasure.
     
  23. Flu

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    Exactly! That's why I own an octopus and a sentient vacuum cleaner.
    That's also why I never got cat owners... They let the cat walk all over them, barely touch them, and THEY DON'T EVEN R.APE-FUCK IT!! Wtf?? Cat owners just don't make sense to me.
     
  24. Thayora

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    because they're wimps.
     
  25. Flu

    Flu
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    @Thayora I'm pretty stoned, so when I first saw your sig pic, I thought it was a side-angle shot of a jack-o-lantern "puking" up its seeds. Then I realized what it was and suddenly the otherwise fine block of aged cheddar i was chewing on lost a lot of its appeal...

    (luckily I just got more stoned and it regained its appeal)
     
  26. Baya Rae 4900

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  27. Andria Kilgore

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  28. Thayora

    Thayora
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    Thank god it got its appeal back.
     
  29. uberfukken

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    diarhea = shit

    this belongs in shitpost

    moved
     
  30. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Gg. You're bringing EDF back to how it should be.