I've recently had to "punish" various newfags to the ED IRC. Just the other day, these two brats told me nobody liked my stories and that nobody liked me. I've had to punish them both by including them in one of my stories. This was the result. <Explodingpiglets> Stranger: I am a male looking for a submissive, literate roleplayer willing to take on any role for me. This includes furries and incest. <Explodingpiglets> You: And the arbiter thrust his big elite cock into my pussy, his ridged and bumps tickled as his schlong stretched me wide. The smell of musk filled my nostrils. <Explodingpiglets> Stranger: Um...hello there. <Explodingpiglets> You: "Ohhhh arbiter! You are so sexy for an elite!" I said <Explodingpiglets> You: and he grinned at me and said "Were it so easy." <Explodingpiglets> Stranger: Is this part of some Halo erotica you're writing or something? <Explodingpiglets> You: and we both kissed, his mandible clamping around my face <Explodingpiglets> You: and we made love <Explodingpiglets> You: Months later I had his child <Explodingpiglets> You: it was a sanghieli human hybrid <Explodingpiglets> You: he has my eyes and his mandibles <Explodingpiglets> You: but due to genetic chemical reactions and imbalances, he exploded 5 minutes after birth <Explodingpiglets> You: and we cried. <Explodingpiglets> Your conversational partner has disconnected. <Xx-hAlCY-xX> #fatchats <Zdonick> What is this shit <Zdonick> Success? * Hemlock says please ban explodingpiglets <Hemlock> >.> <Explodingpiglets> lololol <Zdonick> Post your bad fics somewhere else where they will be appreciated <Explodingpiglets> They are appreciated here. <Zdonick> !ud liar <Zalgo> [UrbanDictionary] liar --> someone who tells fibs in order to save themselves embarrassment or penalty. Michael Jackson <Explodingpiglets> I'm not lying, they actually are appreciated. * ttj has quit (Broken pipe) <Mussie> !ud Jew <Zalgo> [UrbanDictionary] jew --> 1. Someone who practices Judaism. 2. Derogatory term for someone tight with their money or someone not very generous. <Zdonick> lol "brokem pipe" <Explodingpiglets> Why do you think perpa asked me to write a fanfic about yoshi? <Hemlock> Everyone isn't saying anything positive about it. So quit your fibbing and shut up/ <Zdonick> Because he faps to yoshi <daxter409> !ud girlvinyl <Zalgo> [UrbanDictionary] GirlVinyl --> A two bit crack whore, notably famous for founding Encyclopedia Dramatica. She weighs over 9000 tons, and requires a whaling ship to move her in and out of her house. Anger has arisen toward her recently due to her decision to close ED in favor of "Toned Down Version" probably to make money and get props from to bloggers, and the Australian government. <Zdonick> Honestly I don't even bother with fics <Zdonick> Ever z[m3n] zaiger Zalgo Zardoz Zdonick Zig zz_Beefcake <Hemlock> Same here, waste of time <Explodingpiglets> Oh well, I guess I'll write a fanfic about Zdonick and Hemlock <Zdonick> What <Hemlock> Do that and I will shoot you with an AR-15 <Zdonick> At least make me a Dragonair <Zdonick> Or it's just going to be gay human/human * PerpA has kicked Hemlock from #ed (we all know america has never made a gun worth mentioning) <Zdonick> Which the internet doesn't need more of <Explodingpiglets> zdonick woke up in a dark room. He was chained to a table, butt naked. He struggled to break free as he tried to make sense of it all. "Good morning zdonick." a reedy voice said from the dark. "Wh-who are you?" zdonick asked, trying to find the source of the voice. "It is me, Hemlock." Hemlock responded. <daxter409> no more fanfic <Joe> Why is ED still down? <Zdonick> So you ignored me <Zdonick> and it's gay <Zdonick> grats <Explodingpiglets> "Where am I?" zdonick asked Hemlock. Hemlock walked out of the shadows, he was butt naked. zdonick gasped and he averted his eyes. <Meepsheep> http://socialsurvey2011.info/tpages/wikiped/survey1.php <Zalgo> Title: Visitor Survey (at socialsurvey2011.info) <Zdonick> >inb4 rape * Hemlock (~chatzilla@wtfux-4EFF35C4.hsd1.pa.comcast.net) has joined #ed <daxter409> inb4 gay sex <Explodingpiglets> "We are trapped inside ExplodingPiglets' story." Hemlock said. zdonick was confused, and he began to ask "w-what are you-" "Listen" Hemlock interrupted. "I don't know how it happened, but Explodingpiglets managed to trap us inside his story. Everything we say, everything we do, he made us do. Even now as I talk, I am speaking the dialogue he has written." * PerpA meeps dat sheep <Zdonick> INB4 PLOTH- OH WAIT <Hemlock> Horrid, let me do a redo <Explodingpiglets> zdonick looked back at Hemlock, confused. "E-even if this were true, how would you know?" "Because Piglets wrote the story that way. Now time to get to the main plot." Hemlock grinned. zdonick was about to ask more questions when all of a sudden he looked straight up and opened his mouth wide, as if some invisible force were moving his body. <Hemlock> no no no * I_Cant slapped Explodingpiglets with a large trout <Explodingpiglets> zdonick yelled, but his mouth would not shut. Hemlock climbed up onto the table, and hovered his ass over zdonick' face. "I'm so sorry friend, but this is going to have a crappy ending." <Zdonick> ... <Zdonick> Really? <Hemlock> ... <Zdonick> MAgical rape? * PerpA meeps dat sheep * PerpA meeps dat sheep * PerpA meeps dat sheep <Hemlock> Slap this guy <Explodingpiglets> zdonick watched in horror as Hemlock's asshole dilated, and a log of poop began to emerge. It began to dangle towards his mouth, he could smell the awful stench of excrement assaulting his nose. <Zdonick> What <Hemlock> What the fuck? <daxter409> stop * PerpA honks meepsheep's nose <Explodingpiglets> zdonick screamed and struggled, he tried to move his head to the side, but instead, it remained still. The poop touched the tip of his tongue, and he licked it. The foul taste was worse than he imagined. He gagged violently as the brown log slid down his mouth and to the back of his throat. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. <Meepsheep> wut <Hemlock> Just stop it <PerpA> just honking you <Zdonick> I have no idea <I_Cant> my god man <I_Cant> that is terrible <Comm> hmm <Comm> 3ds got price reduced, old news tho <Explodingpiglets> Then the poop thinned out and broke off, lodged in zdonick' mouth. He closed his mouth and sank his teeth into the foul mass. "Chew it" Hemlock demanded. zdonick did as he was told, and began to chew the foulness into a brown sludge. "Now smile!" zdonick smiled, his teeth were covered in fecal matter, and he pushed the poo in between the cracks. <PerpA> Meepsheep what portals are still untaken care ov? <Hemlock> What is this, I don't even <Zdonick> Okay <Zdonick> fuck this <Explodingpiglets> "Now....swallow." zdonick groaned, but he did as he was told, and he swallowed the sludge. He gagged and he vomited a little as the chewed up log made its way down his throat. "oh...god....you were right! I can't control myself!!!" zdonick cried. "PIGGIES, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, PLEASE LET ME OUT! PLEASE STOP!" He yelled. <daxter409> ban exploding piglets <Zdonick> Later faggot <Zdonick> !roulette <Zalgo> *click*, there are 5 untouched slots. You have a 20.00% chance to die. <Zdonick> DAMNIT <Zdonick> !roylette <Zdonick> !roulette * Zdonick has quit (Killed (Zalgo (BANG! You died after 2 shots.))) <Zalgo> *reloads the chambers*, there are 6 untouched slots. You have a 16.67% chance to die. <Meepsheep> PerpA: Sex, Faggotry, LiveJournal, BNA, Music, YouTube, Software <Explodingpiglets> A loud thundering disembodied voice rattled along the walls. "hehehehehehe, seems like you have yourself in a crappy situation." I said. "DAMN YOU ARE YOUR STUPID PUNS!!! JUST LET ME GO OR KILL ME!" zdonick pleaded to me. "Don't talk shit to me silly thing. hahaha, get it? You two are just getting started!" I said. Then Hemlock placed his asscrack on zdonick' face and said "Lick me out." <Hemlock> Can someone shut this guy up <Explodingpiglets> zdonick's tongue slithered into the smelly asshole, and he began to clean the fecal matter off of the walls. "Yeeessss, that feels goooddd." Hemlock cooed with pleasure as zdonick tickled his prostate with his tongue. Tears were pouring down zdonick' face in torrents as he continued to eat Hemlock out. Meanwhile, Hemlock began to jerk himself off into a cup that he set on zdonick' chest. <Hemlock> I do not want to be demoralized <daxter409> who weilds the banhammer who isnt using it <Explodingpiglets> I didn't even get to the good part yet. * biella has quit (client exited: Leaving) <Explodingpiglets> Soon, Hemlock yelled and blew his load into the cup. He picked up the cup and turned around, standing over zdonick, his limp dick dripping semen onto zdonick' face. "Open wide!" zdonick opened his mouth wide again. Hemlock poured the cup into his mouth. zdonick gagged at the salty taste of freshly produced semen. It was slimy and disgusting. zdonick just wanted to die. <Hemlock> just get rid of that monstrosity <Explodingpiglets> "k-kill me please...." he begged Hemlock. "I'm not done yet." Hemlock smiled. Then he shat out a huge hard turd. Then he shoved it up zdonick' ass and zdonick screamed in agony. He felt the huge turd spread his ass wide and jam his prostate. It hurt like a motherfucker! Hemlock began to pull it out, only to push it back in. zdonick quivered at the feel of them bumpy log tickling and burning his asshole. <I_Cant> then Will Smith's mom got scared and sent all three o ya to stay in bel-air <Hemlock> Explodingpiglets was banned in the first place and he comes back? <Hemlock> What the hell? <Explodingpiglets> He began to get an erection, feeling some sort of painful pleasure building up. But then Hemlock took a small cork of some sort and used it to plug zdonick's urethra. "no-no..., what are you doing?" zdonick moaned. "You'll see." Hemlock giggled, and he resumed the foul rape with the poopoo log. zdonick moan and he groaned, he instinctively tried to buck, but the chains held him down. <Xx-hAlCY-xX> Explodingpiglets: you forgot that i owned an ED fanfic site <Mojo> !clever kill all the humans! <Explodingpiglets> Soon, he felt building muscle spasms in his rectum. The pleasure began to build up and right when zdonick thought he was going to climax, it got only more intense. zdonick was certain that he was going to climax and right when he thought he felt the initial spasms of an orgasm, the pleasure just increased in intensity. <Xero> lol dons <daxter409> !slogan kill explodingpiglets <Zalgo> [SloganMaker] "It's wonderful, it's kill explodingpiglets." <Xero> dongs <Hemlock> Explodingpiglets was booted from #ed by zaiger (Banned.) Explodingpiglets (~exploding@1F3418DC.4436FC85.53F3C372.IP) has joined #ed <Explodingpiglets> zdonick was screaming, he never felt such and intense pleasure before. His rectum was spasming all over the place and it just kept building as his body tried to reject the ridiculous intensity. Then he orgasmed. But instead of ejaculating, his urethra was plugged. So pressure built up, and his dick ballooned and exploded. <Hemlock> That isn't right D:< * zaiger has kicked Hemlock from #ed (zaiger) <Explodingpiglets> aw man <Explodingpiglets> I liked him freaking out * Hemlock (~chatzilla@wtfux-4EFF35C4.hsd1.pa.comcast.net) has joined #ed <Mojo> !cleverbot kill all the humans! <Xero> .clever h <daxter409> os.start <Omegle> <A> is connecting to omegle. <Omegle> <A> has established a connection to http://quarks.omegle.com/ as c4bZAp. <Omegle> <A> is waiting for a partner. <Omegle> <A> has found a partner. <Omegle> <B> is connecting to omegle. <Omegle> <B> has established a connection to http://quarks.omegle.com/ as 5yna6d. <Omegle> <B> is waiting for a partner. <Omegle> <B> has found a partner. <Omegle> <A> Try out the new, sexy version of Omegle!!! [ Babes of Omegle (dot) com ] <Explodingpiglets> zdonick screamed bloody murder as the agonizing pain hit him. Blood sprayed everywhere, and tears were pouring down zdonick' face. A bloody stump was left where his used to be. Then Hemlock grinned, took the poopoo log, and shoved it down the middle of the stump. zdonick shrieked "NOOOO!!!! PLEASE STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!" and bawled as Hemlock wiggled the poo back and forth inside his bladder. And then, he blacked out.... <CleverBot> Xero, It's on the top of this webpage. <Omegle> <B> disconnected. <Explodingpiglets> zdonick woke up in a dark room. He was chained to a table, butt naked..... <Explodingpiglets> The end? <daxter409> os.stop <Hemlock> Congrats Explodingpiglets, you got a one way ticket to hell Hemlock later got kicked for asking the OPs to kick me. Not that it wasn't hilarious, but where are these people coming from?