Trolling the Fatass in Your Household

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Ellipses, Nov 25, 2013.

  1. Ellipses

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    Well, the Fatass in my household has eaten three days worth of food in six hours. It was there before I left for work and now it's gone. I am of the opinion that my household Fatass will eat literally anything I've reserved for myself so I'm going to sneak a mild poison (such as an allergen or undercooked chicken) into my "leftovers."

    I'm going to use the disgusting frozen chicken in the freezer since I don't intend on eating it anyway. I figure I'll thaw it out and cook it until it's seemingly passable, add some onions in with some peppers, and call it a day.

    I'll be sure to put my name on it, since otherwise it might go ignored.

    That's what the Fatass gets for eating my fucking leftovers and intended lunch for three days.
     
  2. Dildo Baggins

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    live by yourself like a normal person faggot
     
  3. Ellipses

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    Live with a significant other, room mate, or family member, autist.
     
  4. Maysam

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    I can kinda understand your anger and from a lulz point of view: Do it.

    But... intentionally poisoning people? I know, it's hard to see humanity in people behaving certain ways, but that is low. Be a man (or a badass bitch) and punch him in the face like he deserves it. Or kick him out of your household or move or whatever.
     
  5. Ellipses

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    Food poisoning is nature's way of teaching birds and such to not eat that glowy, colorful thing like a retard. He has to learn sooner or later. The thing with my name on it is really just the glowy, colorful thing he shouldn't fucking eat.

    In all seriousness I actually am in the process of looking for places to move to, preferably a few dozen miles from here. But with Fatass eating three-days-worth of my food on a consistent basis, it's a little hard to keep to my budget.
     
  6. Maysam

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    Given the circumstances I would use the chicken as a last measure. Can't you really punch him in the face or call him out for it?

    Good luck and all.
     
  7. Bottom Feeder

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    Girlvinyl

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    Fat people are resistant to poison, don't worry about it.
     
  8. Baya Rae 4900

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    Lawlman

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  9. Whatever

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    Try eating more low-calorie and low-fat foods. He won't touch any of that; I guarantee it.
     
  10. Baya Rae 4900

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    Lawlman

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  11. Likeicare

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    EDF is my hugbox

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    I eat fuckloads yet only weigh about 69kg/153lb, fuck you metabolism

    So what does this make me?
     
  12. uberfukken

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    A drug addict.
     
  13. Linkermann

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    Plain and Simple

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    I heard news last weak about some hobos who were stealing booze from someone and the person decided to switch it for poison and the hobos died.
     
  14. Ellipses

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    It's OK, the onions will just give him terrible shits. If I wanted to kill him I would use pine nuts, although I'm not sure exactly what his reaction to pine nuts is since he's never eaten them in front of me before.

    Oh he'll eat my low-calorie snacks just so he can say he ate a salad and justify eating a shitload of something else.
     
  15. Linkermann

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    Plain and Simple

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    What a fag.
     
  16. buttpenetrated

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    don't talk about your mom like that boy
     
  17. Maysam

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    This is very true. :) :( :confused:
     
  18. Moscow

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    It's not just about football

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    just load it up with a heavy dose of laxative- that way you can enjoy said fatass voiding his bowls than having them cramp repeatedly as his body attempts to expel everything in it's lower digestive tract. if you're really lucky he'll do it away from the toilet and you can laugh as he lies in a pool of liquid shit with his insides burning and his asshole on fire.
     
  19. Whatever

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    Then I'm afraid that your only reasonable course of action to this little feud is to murder him in cold blood. I suggest cyanide.
     
  20. MrGask

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    #FreeGask

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    Oh fuck,this is my favorite pastime.

    When I was younger we used to relentlessly pull the piss out of each other for being fatasses. One of my brothers was particularly fat, so he got most of it.

    I remember once this friend of my dad's offered him $20 if he could do one pullup. So my brother jumped up and grabbed onto the bar and then hung there and vibrated and kicked in impotent fury as everyone laughed. My dad's friend kept upping the ante, adding an extra twenty as the seconds passed. Eventually my brother fell off the bar and everyone laughed some more.
    Another time he got so mad that he tried to bull charge me (he was mad because we kept poking his stomach and saying "My, that is a turkey!" because it was in a Mr. Magoo cartoon), and I matadoried out of the way, and he fell over, and all my other brothers and I ran up and started rolling him around like a barrel until my mom yelled at us.
     
  21. wretchedgretchen

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    You gotta be pretty fucking fat to not be able to do a single pull-up. Oh wait, I just remembered where I am.
     
  22. Baya Rae 4900

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    Lawlman

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    That plan is flawed. Either he'll block the toilet with his gargantuan turd or he'll leave a mess so foul that only the blackest of servants will accept cleaning duty that night.
     
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  23. Likeicare

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    I didn't think of that
     
  24. Baya Rae 4900

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    Lawlman

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    THAT MAKES NO SENSE :psyduck:
     
  25. Ellipses

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    It's like how some girls will say, "Oh I'm just going to eat a salad" and then a few hours later they'll eat something else, like a venti mocha latte which is 600 calories and justify it with, "Oh well I only ate a salad for lunch so this is OK."
     
  26. Atomic_Joe

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    Joevahkiin

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    Oh, buy food that fat people don't eat. Problem solved.

    Or you could just, y'know...sac up and tell your bastard friend to stop eating your motherfuckin' food.
     
  27. Raab

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    Lick his asshole the next time he takes a shit. See how he likes it when someone eats his leftovers.
     
  28. Popcorn

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    lightly salted

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    Get something you know for a fact he will eat and lace it with a little bit of heroin and repeat each time he eats it, slowly increasing the amount of heroin.

    After it's been long enough he's addicted to it, stop.
     
  29. Ellipses

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    I went with some barely cooked habeneros instead. He didn't figure it out before it was too late and spent most of last night with what I'm assuming is killer acid reflex.

    Only problem with that plan is that the fatass is also very loud, so I was treated to three hours of "OH GOD" *cough cough phlegm*.

    Still moving the fuck out, but maybe he won't go eating my leftovers anymore. >:I
     
  30. MrGask

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    #FreeGask

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    Not really. I know plenty of 'skinny' people who can't do them either.

    More stories of fat:
    This one is about on of my other brothers. I don't really remember why, but one day we just started teasing him about having bitch tits (even though he didn't have them any worse than the rest of us). Anytime we weren't within earshot of a grownup, his name was Bitchtits. It got to the point that he was so self conscious about it, he would always wear a shirt when he was swimming. This lead to a wonderful game we called "skin the whale" in which we would ambush him underwater, pull his shirt off, and then proudly display our whale skin for all to see. That brother is now a gym rat, and definitely in better shape than 90% of America.

    The moral of the story: Bullying works.