The Inheritance

Discussion in 'Your Shitty Projects' started by Aroukar, Jul 7, 2012.

  1. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    Part I: Who the hell is Aroukar?

    Walton exited the taxi cab and walked onto the city sidewalks bustling with people. Though it was night, sweat rolled down his forehead. The humidity from all the activity going on was taking its toll. Orienting himself to his surroundings, he located the jazz lounge called Fritzl and proceeded to enter. He was relieved when he entered the lobby and was fanned by an air-conditioning system. A maître d’hôtel noted his presence and waved to him. "Do you have a reservation, sir?" the man asked in a highly effeminate voice which contrasted sharply with his ebony skin.

    "No, but I am looking for someone." Walton asked.
    "For what reason, sir?"
    "Legal reasons, that's all I can say."
    "Very well, who are you looking for?"
    "Miss Minty." A flash of understanding came over the man's face, and he grinned with gap-toothed mouth. He turned around and walked through a rich purple velvet curtain which presumably lead to the main area of the establishment. What kind of jazz lounge is this? Walton thought to himself. The black man returned promptly, "Ms. Minty would rather stay where she is. She's invited you in."
    "Lead the way."

    The lounge was quite atypical, decorated in shades of gray and purple. Music by heavy metal bands was played at sluggish speed and lower volume. The walls were decorated with scenes from famous snuff films. The tables were being cleaned by nude men greased in soap rubbing themselves all over the tables and chairs. Though these details were bizarre, the overall effect was only slighty annoying. Walton looked around and noticed that there were almost no people around, save a booth occupied by a young woman. The black man pointed this particular booth out, and followed Waton closely the rest of the way.

    The woman wore a long green dress, and was eying Walton as he approached. Her hands motioned to the space opposite her, and Walton wasted no time sitting there. The maître d’hôtel stood very close to the table, smiling but saying nothing. "So?" she said demurely. Reacting quickly, Walton reached inside his coat and pulled out a manila envelope. Remembering manners, he introduced himself after placing this manila jacket in front of him. "I am Sherringford Abigail Walton, a lawyer. I am pleased to meet you Ms. Minty."
    "The pleasure is all mine. What brings you down to my cozy estabishment?"
    "You own this place?" Walton asked, curious.
    "Yes, now before you start asking more questions please answer mine." she said soberly. Pleasantly surprised by her directness, Walton cut to the chase. "It seems your relative, Mr. Aroukar, has left some property to you in his will."
    "I don't know this person."
    "I am just following my instructions."
    "What exactly are we talking about here? Is it substantial?"
    "Possibly the whole of his estate including Enumclaw Mansion, and 47 million dollars, among other things."
    "I am definitely interested, what happens if I agree?"
    "You must attend the reading of his will at Enumclaw Mansion. Transportations costs will be covered. Additional information is inside this folder," Walton finished by sliding the folder over to her.

    As he stood up to leave Minty asked with curiosity: "By the way, what's with your middle name?"

    The question brought up uncomfortable memories of his father.

    I am not a girl, dad!
    Nonsense! You are a splendid girl.

    Clearing his head quickly, Walton answered quietly. "My father always wanted a girl."

    The black maître d’hôtel overheard this, and started laughing loudly. Walton ran out of the lounge to dry his tears, and to prepare to catch his plane. Next stop; Lord Scumhook's Residence.
     
  2. scumhook

    scumhook
    Expand Collapse
    Managing account details

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    20,008
    Occupation:
    Fellator of the homeless
    Home Page:
    Thraed watched.
     
  3. Allele

    Allele
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Hero

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2011
    Messages:
    638
    Occupation:
    Student
    Hurry it up nigger.
     
  4. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    Assrape Manor was a interesting example of architecture; the formal gardens were stunning with fountains utilizing real urine, and sunbaked sculptures made out of shit. Walton was quite impressed with the phallically-shaped house, which featured two massive dome-shaped greenhouses at one end, and the main entrance which tapered to a point at the other end. Walton drove up to the house. After collecting another manila folder he approached the main entrance and used the bronze knocker. After a short while, a sweaty hispanic man dressed formally, opened the door and greeted Walton. "Ah. Mr. Walton I presume."
    "Yes, that is me."
    "Do come in. I will return with Lord Scumhook promptly." With that, the man bowed rigidly and turned down the main hallway.

    "Oh, Lord Scumhook we shouldn't!" giggled Linda, the head chambermaid. "Ludicrous! Come now dear, and let old Scummy into your warm oven," Declared Lord Bubbles Scumhook. The woman showed an inclination to give into Scumhook's advances, when unexpectedly, the butler knocked on the frame of the door. "My Lord, your guest has arrived." Scumhook disengaged himself from the woman and dressed, complaining "Ah, damn it all to hell Gonzalo! Keep Linda entertained in my absence." "Yes sir!" Gonzalo answered effusively.

    Walton was examining the impressive self-portrait of Lord Scumhook. Dressed as a nobleman, Scumhook sat on an oak chair. His face was rigid and he stared off into the space on his left. The artist rendered the reeking sweat dripping off Scumhook's prominent neck, beautifully. As Walton marveled, Lord Scumhook appeared behind him. "It's quite impressive, isn't it?" Scumhook whispered into Walton's ear. The surprise caused Walton to jump. "Ah, Lord Scumhook! You've startled me!"
    "Life is full of surprises, Mr. Walton. Sometimes it will be sweet, consensual sex, and sometimes it will be thoroughly humiliating anal rape."
    "Indeed." Walton answered uncomfortably, not too pleased with Scumhook's choice of metaphor.
    "Now about this, Mr. ...Aroukar."
    "Yes, that is his name."
    "You say that he may have potentially left something in his will for me?"
    "That's what my instructions say."
    "It's going to take something more substantial to convince me of your proposition."
    "Why?"
    "I don't need wealth or prestige. I already have plenty of that."
    "I knew this might happen, so I came prepared." Walton said as he pulled out a black notebook, and after a moment's hesitation said: "Perhaps, the Tonic of Saladin, might ...interest you?"
    "That's preposterous! The recipe was lost in antiquity."
    "From what I heard, Mr. Aroukar, spent many years among ruins, searching out for interesting trinkets such as these. I'd say it's very probable that he may have this in his possession. Even if he does not, perhaps you might take a liking to another of the items among his collection."

    Scumhook's eyeballs palpably bulged out as he used critical thinking to analyse the situation. After all considerations he opened his mouth, and an impossibly long tongue snaked out and combed his curly black hair. After this action, he spoke. "Very well Mr. Walton. Give me the details and I shall head out there."
    "Here you go, Lord Scumhook." Walton said as he passed the manila envelope to Scumhook. He turned around and exited the house.

    Scumhook read over the details and remarked to himself: "Looks like I have plenty of time to prepare." A smile formed on his face as he started walking back to his butler and chambermaid. As he did so he yelled: "Gonzalo! Tell Linda, it's going to be DP!"

    Walton was getting in his car when he received a call. "Yes? Ah, it is done then? Excellent." Walton answered contentedly. He was just informed that his meeting with the famous faggotologist and kikeconomist, Dr. Oddguy, had been arranged.
     
  5. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2011
    Messages:
    6,368
    Good lord what language unbecoming of a 94 year old gentleman.
    Do go on....

    Speaking of inheritance i hate inheritances, and i really hate the Inheritance Cycle of books, Christopher Paolini cannot write.
     
  6. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    Walton parked in the multilevel parking lot at JEU (Jewish Enterpreneurial University). After paying a fee for parking and a fee for using the door, Walton entered the lobby. He approached the reception office and inquired on Dr. Oddguy's location.

    After bribing the receptionist and enduring remarks about his non-jewness, Walton was pointed in the right direction. As he walked throught the hallways, he passed several classrooms, teaching interestingly named courses; Scheming 101, Advanced Swindling 201, Kikeconomy 103, and so on. Some courses were more hands-on than others. For example, Walton passed a classroom teaching a course called Blending In 110.Inside the classroom the teacher was discussing things such as clothing and speaking methods to be employed when confronting the non-kosher masses.


    The students, were in little groups discussing these topics and implementing these techniques. "Remember, never let them know you are a Jew. If they offer you food..." The teacher said.
    "I'm not hungry." The students replied in unison.
    "Good." The teacher said, pleased.

    Walton passed a classroom space that served as a synagogue. Within, the Rabbi was rabidly giving a speech on the dirtyness of the non-Jews, God's special plan to rid the world of them, and the superiority of the Jews themselves. Walton rushed past nervously. In his haste, he did not look ahead of him and he bumped into a tall man. The man's green eyes stared him down, and the faintest trace of a psychotic smile was on his lips. He could have passed for an ordinary European, except that a star of David was scarred on his forehead. The man said nothing. Walton said nothing. Before Walton could speak however, the man knocked him out cold.

    When he came to Walton was in a sunny office. The man's blond hair glowed against the sunlight, as he stared out the window. Without turning he spoke to Walton:
    "Sherringford Abigail Walton. A gay name." Still slightly out of it, Walton answered confused.
    "Excuse me?"
    "I bet your daddy loved those girlish looks you have."
    "I-I don't know what you're talking about." Walton said apprehensively, as he became more aware.
    "Don't lie to me. I can smell your gay from a mile away." the stranger said as he turned to face Walton.
    "Look man, I'm married, I have kids-"
    "Is that so? Well, I guess I was wrong...for now."
    "Look, can I go? I have an appointment with someone."
    "Who are you looking for?"
    "Dr. Oddguy."
    "Oh."
    "What?"
    "That's me."

    After having some coffee, Walton asked the doctor why he had not recognized him from his name, if he knew he was going to have an appointment. Oddguy responded that he had simply forgotten, and Walton would just have to suck it up.

    "I know why you're here." Oddguy said, patting the manila envelope he had taken from Walton while he was unconscious. "My real question is: Who is Aroukar and why should I care?"
    "That's a difficult question to answer. Aroukar was a lot of things."
    "Such as?"
    "War veteran, amateur archeologist, writer, avid furry hunter among other things."
    "Interesting. Even more so, considering that I don't know him. Why would he decide to bequeath his estate to me?"
    "I honestly don't know. Perhaps it will all become clear, if you attend the reading of his will."

    At this time Oddguy's Jewish blood boiled at the prospect of earning easy money and power. Unable to resist his compulsion Oddguy, all too readily agreed.

    "I shall see you there, Mr. Walton."
    "Of course, Dr. Oddguy."
    "Perhaps, we will see if you really are a girl," Oddguy whispered.
    "What?"
    "Nothing, just an old Hebrew blessing."
    "Oh. Thanks!"

    Walton was in luck. The last two inheritors were able to come together in one place, saving time. All the players were nearly in place.
     
  7. skylerconcarne

    skylerconcarne
    Expand Collapse
    Not Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    1,880
    Occupation:
    Illiterate pimp
    Home Page:
  8. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    If you are dissapointed, make some suggestions.
     
  9. skylerconcarne

    skylerconcarne
    Expand Collapse
    Not Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    1,880
    Occupation:
    Illiterate pimp
    Home Page:
    So gay.
     
  10. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    Make some suggestions, then.
     
  11. skylerconcarne

    skylerconcarne
    Expand Collapse
    Not Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    1,880
    Occupation:
    Illiterate pimp
    Home Page:
    Just stop.
     
  12. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    Not until I'm dead. I'll make you suffer more.
    If it's giving you cancer, then make some creative suggestions, instead.
     
  13. skylerconcarne

    skylerconcarne
    Expand Collapse
    Not Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    1,880
    Occupation:
    Illiterate pimp
    Home Page:
    No idea is original.
     
  14. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    Of course, so?
     
  15. skylerconcarne

    skylerconcarne
    Expand Collapse
    Not Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    1,880
    Occupation:
    Illiterate pimp
    Home Page:
    Creativity isn't real you fake old man.
     
  16. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    I am telling a story, what this has to do with me, is irrelevant.
     
  17. skylerconcarne

    skylerconcarne
    Expand Collapse
    Not Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    1,880
    Occupation:
    Illiterate pimp
    Home Page:
    Eat a dick.
     
  18. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    No, I'm full, thank you. Why don't you eat it instead? You do look pretty hungrry.
     
  19. minty

    minty
    Expand Collapse
    toymaker

    Joined:
    May 6, 2012
    Messages:
    7,819
    mj popcorn.
     
  20. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    It was a rather quiet in the park where Walton had arranged the meeting. A pleasant breeze blew, and the birds sang, but the place was seemingly devoid of human beings. It was noon already, and Walton waited anxiously in a bench under a shady tree. It was so pleasant, Walton could not help falling into a deep slumber. He awoke in an uncomfortable vertical position, the rough texture of bark at his back. He tried to move, but found that he had been secured with rope. Two women appraised him. One was older and dressed in what appeared to be a nun's habit, whereas the other was young and dressed as a professional business woman. "We should really let him down, Shinmera." Said the mature woman. "No, we have to make sure he's not a chauvinistic pig." Said a younger female voice. "Look he's awake!" said the older one. "Time for an interrogation, Trixie." declared the younger woman.

    "Who are you?" Walton asked. "Don't be a dumbass, you know who we are."
    "Trixie and Shinmera?"
    "Right. I guess you do think a little with your big head."
    "So what's up with this setup?" Walton asked tensely. "Walton was suddenly smacked. "We are the ones asking the questions here!" said Shinmera. Walton learned quickly, and held his tongue.

    "Oh wow! Looks like this one's a total bitch." Shinmera said pleased. "That's the spirit, Mr. Walton." Trixie encouraged.
    "So, what's your game? Talk us into it with an apparent inheritance, from some guy we don't know, drag us into a sick game, and finally rape and murder us?"
    "No, no! You've got this all wrong!"
    "Oh really! It's going to take a lot more than documents and words, to prove that you are telling the truth."
    "What do I need to do?"
    "You just sit there, while we use pain to make you sing."

    A few hours later, the swelling had subsided, and Walton's screaming had been reduced to a pathetic sobbing. The were now entirely convinced, that he was telling the truth. They did not apologize for the ass pounding or nut-smashing situations which Walton endured. Nevertheless, Walton was grateful that they had agreed; his employer at the mansion would be especially so.
     
  21. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    Yees sir. Ol' Aroukar will be good; no lashes please.
     
  22. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    I have never been one to pull punches when asked my opinion an amateur art.
    I only read this because I have a part in it.

    It's boring.
     
  23. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    It will get better. I'm dealing with some troublesome issues IRL.
     
  24. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    Part II: The Mansion

    Enumclaw Mansion sat on an island in a lake in the South American country of Mierda. The Mierdan goverment had sold the island to Aroukar at the expense of the native tribals. Their humiliation was complete by the fact, that the construction of the mansion was done mostly by the very same tribals. Even now, you could find shit-smeared stone tablets encased in recesses in the walls, tribal curses, some would say. In any case, the removal of the tribals from the island merely added them to the population of cannibalistic, insane tribals of the land surrounding the coastline of the lake.

    The party arrived by helicopter, on a humid tropical day. The sweltering sun, had an adverse effect, especially on those unaccustomed to this clime. Lord Scumhook perspired profusely, each falling drop sizzling as it fell onto the asphalt path leading to the main structure. The actual mansion was a two-story building, built in the Georgian style. A construction of brick and marble, made up the exteriors. There were no gardens to speak of, instead there were many marble statues riddled with bullets, or otherwise smashed into pieces. These stautes were set into earth scorched black and pocked with

    "Oh What happened to these statues?" Minty asked. Walton who was wiping his forehead with a hankerchief, answered quickly: "One of Aroukar's many forms of entertainment." "Seems as though an army pillaged this place." commented Dr. Oddguy. "He had the money, he had no obligations to anyone, so he spent it as he saw fit." said a thick eastern European voice. The speaker emerged from the shadows of the manor which they were now very close to."

    "Pardon me. This is the primary caretaker of the mansion, Mr. Zivon." Walton explained quickly to the guests.

    "I'm very pleased you have all come. It's quite dull to mantain a house, now things will get lively, I hope." said Zivon.

    "We'll see Mr. Zivon. Please, open the doors and let Mr. Diareah, know that we have arrived."
    "Off, course." Walton said impassively wanting to escape the tremendous heat outside.

    The doors were opened and they arrived in an rectangular foyer. The floor was marble, and set in the floor was a plaque which read. "Look Up."

    Unable to resist the compulsion, the guests looked up. A massive portrait of the elderly Aroukar seated on a throne awaited them. He had a smile on his face, his left hand held a book, while the right protuded forwards in an unmistakable gesture, which communicated Aroukar's feelings for guests in his abode.

    "Fuck You."
     
  25. scumhook

    scumhook
    Expand Collapse
    Managing account details

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    20,008
    Occupation:
    Fellator of the homeless
    Home Page:
    Confronting the fact that you're a faggot can be hard IRL.

    EDF is here for you.

    Albeit here for you to mock, ridicule, and have cheap laughs at your expense.

    We are here, nonetheless.
     
  26. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2011
    Messages:
    6,368
    And then a boner skeleton popped out.
     
  27. Sugar Bombs

    Sugar Bombs
    Expand Collapse
    Daddy

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2012
    Messages:
    7,196
    The end.
     
  28. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2011
    Messages:
    6,368
    It's just not a spooky story if a skeleton or a boner or a skeleton boner doesn't pop out.
     
  29. Aroukar

    Aroukar
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,806
    Occupation:
    Professor emeritus
    I don't want to sound like an emo faggot, but I'm getting help for depression. Thank you for the offer of help; coming from callous individuals such as yourselves, it is a great honor. I eagerly await my personal deprecation.
     
  30. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2011
    Messages:
    6,368
    [​IMG]

    Aroukar without a pension to avoid being thrown in an old folks home resorts to male stripping, he may not be particularly fond of showing off his rigid wrinkled naked form in a thong, but he shook his money making leathery package all the same as the owner of the mansion an aptly named sweet transvestite from Transylvania promised that after he did this one thing for him, he would sign away the mansion to him as he enjoyed his last weeks alive before the Aids kills him.