The Golden Eagle Has Landed.

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Baya Rae 4900, Sep 18, 2011.

  1. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Think of this thread as a choose your own adventure game mixed with a D&D game and directed by me. It's set in the near future. The Mexicans in California, New Mexico and Arizona have had enough of gringo's bullshit and they've decided to secede. You can pick whether you're a Mexican or an American, then pick whatever profession you want. If it's too impractical then I'll give you a really shitty profession based on whatever you pick.
     
  2. SuperSpecialSuperStar

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    2011 Faggot of the Year

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    I want to be a greasy jobless Mexican in Arizona.
     
  3. Harpoons

    Harpoons
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    Fissure of Man

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    [​IMG]
     
  4. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    S4, you're a typical Mexican in Arizona, except for one key difference: you have a slave girl in your shack. That slave girl is Harpy.

    You're walking back to your shack at night while upset that you didn't earn enough money to buy tequila. What do you do?
     
  5. Dr. Rice

    Dr. Rice
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    Girlvinyl

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    I am white and in California. I am already friendly with the nortes, who range from simply homies to para-military thugs. I work on a marijuana plantation (other plants are grown too for crop cycle reasons) in the north along the border.
     
  6. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Rice, you are yourself at this present time.

    You're coming home from school, still high on one drug or another, when you see a group of Mexicans beating up an American. What do you do?
     
  7. Dr. Rice

    Dr. Rice
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    Girlvinyl

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    Nothing.
     
  8. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Rice: You walk away like the coward you are. You come home to find your place ransacked. There's a strong scent of tacos and burritos in the air. You suspect it was Mexicans who did this. What do you do?
     
  9. Rape Train

    Rape Train
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    EDF Hero

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    I would like to be Pedro. I am an illegal immigrant, and my hobby is raping white people in general. I work as a day laborer.
     
  10. Voodeuxfy

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    I want to a Mexican Astronaut, who will land his rusty space shuttle made of aluminum into enemy territory.

    [​IMG]
     
  11. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    RT: You are Pedro "El Mexicano" Hernandez. The alleyways of San Francisco are filled with the legends of your exploits, including the time you raped two women at the same in a public park by yourself during daylight. You're feeling rather peckish tonight and leave your shack in search of prey. What do you do?

    Vood: You are a Mexican from Mexico. You wanted to go to America so you built yourself a rocket and strapped yourself to it. The rocket spiralled out of control and you barely escaped with your life. You're quilty recovering in a hospital with third degree burns to over seventy percent of your body and several dozen broken bones. You have lost the ability to feel pain. What do you do?
     
  12. Beefcake

    Beefcake
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    Best-selling author

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    Aluminum doesn't rust.
     
  13. Lucky

    Lucky
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    EDF Elite

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    I wanna be Thor.
     
  14. TheDude2894

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    American. Investment banker/serial killer.
     
  15. Voodeuxfy

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    EDF Elite

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    I order a cerveza.
     
  16. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Lucky: You are a drag queen who lives in San Francisco. A Mexican mob is gathering outside the gay club you frequent and you're inside being high on ecstasy. What do you do?

    TD: You are illegitimate child of Patrick Bateman. You suffer bouts of schizophrenia and sociopathy. You're at a Japanese tea house, having just come off work. A massive mob of Mexicans is forming to raid a gay club across the street. What do you do?

    Vood: You order a beer. The nurse mishears you and brings you a tomato juice. With your last ounce of strength you curse her and die. You meet Satan in Hell and he offers you a deal. What do you do?
     
  17. Lucky

    Lucky
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    EDF Elite

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    Get money get paid.
     
  18. Regi

    Regi
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    EDF Hero

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    i dont want to be a hispanic like you neither american,where is the jap? i want to be a japanese
     
  19. TheDude2894

    TheDude2894
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    Supply the mob with Molotovs, then film the carnage to jack off to and post on youtube later.
     
  20. Voodeuxfy

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    I inquire what the deal is.
     
  21. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Lucky: I don't know what that means. Restate.

    TD: Raiding the bar for cloth and alcohol, you fashion several molotovs and hand them to the Mexicans. You film them on your phone as they start lobbying the molotovs into the club. A panic ensures as people try to desperately leave the building and the cops arrive.

    Vood: You become an agent of Satan, convincing people on Earth to sell their souls to Satan in exchange for pushing your final demise by a few years.
     
  22. scumhook

    scumhook
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    Managing account details

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    This thread is about to cause me to say something I never thought I'd say:

    I want to be an American. (Fuck me).

    I am a technician at the high desert wind farms, and keep gerbils in my bedroom for nocturnal amusement. I once saw a Mexican, but thought he was a sunburned gringo. I collect assault weapons to protect the wind turbines from birds and other varmits. I get all my news from Fox, and believe the Bible (apart from the bits that tell you not to have sex with animals or relatives).
     
  23. $$Trooper

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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    I want to be the Mexican Race baiter Hernando Jesus Cholo, trying to start a race riot between the La Raza and the niggers.
    we have automatic weapons and the backing of Aztlán and many mexican terrorist groups.
     
  24. oddguy

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    The Prime Memeister

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    arizona.
    i want to be a white,raciest priest.
     
  25. Rape Train

    Rape Train
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    I walk out of my ghetto dwellings and skulk my way to what I consider to be the upperclass district (OOC: Where white people live in low income housing). After several hours of searching for 'the one', I notice a pregnant teen walk by me. Knowing this could be the easiest three way of my life, I lure the woman near me with Mexican charm. "Hola chica dats sum ass" I tell her, as she nears my dark alleyway of choice. I can tell by the frightened look on her face and the way she starts to cross to the other side of the street that she lusts for me.

    I rush out and grab her arm, pull her back and punch her in the face. She crumples from the blow as I drag her behind a dumpster. Despite how clean the white mans roads are, the neglect towards the alleys where they throw their trash is obvious. The garbage is overflowing, and something is leaking out of the grimy dumpster. I view these places as a sort of second home. A solitary rat watches my exploits.

    She starts to struggle, her clothes dirty and wet with the mysterious liquid. In one well practiced blur of motion my switchblade is out and against her throat. I decide to assuage her fears. "Hey gringo you move and yo throat will be sliced open and you won't even gonna have time to scream you hear me bitch?"

    She stops, her eyes wide with animalistic lust and says in a romantic voice "Please don't." Her voice cracks from the romance of the situation and tears stream down the side of her face; eerily remniscant of the dumpster, as they mix into the puddle she lies in.

    I grab her throat and force down, allowing me to move my blade down to cut through her pants. I move my blade back up to her throat, and then undo my tattered jeans. They haven't been changed since I last bathed, nearly a fortnight ago by my count.

    I thrust my rock hard penis in through the hole in her pants. I don't have time for a condom, and even if I did; I'm a good Catholic. In three powerful thrusts I'm done, and I nearly pass out on her. My deed done, I reflect on how it has made us both better people because of it. I then take my knife away from her throat and let her know I would never harm a pregnant woman.

    "I'm... not pregnant." She cries out. The world seems to stop as she breaks away from me and runs off, no doubt to tell her friends how blessed she is. But for me, there is just a void as I sit in the alleyway. That void is quickly filled with confusion and regret, for you see, I, Pedro "El Mexicano" Hernandez, had finally made a mistake.
     
  26. Lucky

    Lucky
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    EDF Elite

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    Perform the required job and receive large amounts of currency.
     
  27. Voodeuxfy

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    Is Justin Bieber on the list?