THE FINAL SUCCESS

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Flu, Feb 14, 2013.

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  1. Flu

    Flu
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    SUCCESS! I have SUCCESSFULLY cultivated a friends with benefits relationship with a girl. no more brojobs or dutch-rudders!!
    this had only ever been a dream... until now; thought far beyond the reach of any mortal man, outside the Penthouse pages. But the hour is at hand. The Mayan apocalypse must have happened. Tribulation draws near!

    it started by giving her a top-tier backrub. (bitches LOVE backrubs.)
    then i started using my nails in her back. she didn't mind - in fact, she liked it. i put my hand down a little inside her pants. *no resistance.* i put my hand all the way down, squeezed her bare ass.

    she asked me to keep rubbing her back.

    "drat!" thought I. "stopped."

    but she took off her shirt. she was topless. i rubbed her back, and then her tits.
    she turned around with me still on top of her. then she took apart my belt, and unzipped my fly.

    *thank god i washed my cock today*

    she sucked me off. i fingered her. then we fucked.

    and so it has been for the last month now. she doesn't care if i sleep with other girls, and i dont care if she bangs other guys. normally i find "bi-sexuality," or more properly, "being a half-fag" repugnant, but it's so cute when she does it.

    NEXT MISSION IS: 3-way. me and two chicks, no dudes, naturally.

    GOD BLESS TEENAGERS AND EARLY 20-SOMETHINGS.
    GOD DAMN GIRLS MY OWN AGE, WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED AND BE JOB-SUCK-SESSFUL. When there are... such better SUCCESSES to be won.

    Quake in fear and shake with jealousy, EDF! One of us is finally getting laid!

    FINALLY. SUCCESS.
     
  2. TheBrickBalls

    TheBrickBalls
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    Girlvinyl

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    So when do I get to fuck you up the ass?
     
  3. Helix

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    I always enjoy hearing about your sexploits Flu, but tread carefully...no bitch is ever satisfied with a friends with benefits relationship for long, no matter how fucking awesome it seems to both parties. She will pull some crazy shit at some point, so I suggest keeping yo' pimp hand strong, and keeping the conviction necessary to get the fuck out of there as soon as she inevitably tries to make shit more complicated than it has to be, cuz that's what bitches do.
     
  4. Flu

    Flu
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    anytime you come to Canada, bro. but don't expect me to just kneel over - you gotta fight me for the right to ride my lightening! and I fight to win... because, to crush another man physically, and then to fuck his ass... is ultimate victory. and that's what i'm all about.

    it's a good thing you're used to swallowing jizz. because i have a lot and i dont intend to lose that fight against some chocolate gay.
     
  5. DirtyHoney

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    I do that with one of my guy friends already, just because.. well, I know what I look like and I know what a mirror is, and the fact that I have no intention of having a real relationship (with o-chem, p-chem and ana-chem, in the same semester, really?)
     
  6. Helix

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    I've always hated chemistry with a passion, and a vengeance. So tedious and boring as shit. The only bright side is that you get to learn to make useful things like LSD and thermite.
     
  7. Flu

    Flu
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    oh dude, you're preaching to the choir.

    though i was bragging, boasting, and self-fellating that whole opening thread, i am keenly aware that bitches, unlike real men, may develop feelings as time goes by and things become more intimate.
    but never on the unsigned contract with her have i scratched my name agreeing to fall in love and later date... as much as i make the whole thing seem only carnal, i am, at heart, a caring person - so, believe it or not, i take her feeling into consideration each time we fuck.

    i size her up.

    if she starts pulling anything besides my meat or the covers of the bed, and tries to wrangle me up a relationship hell, my response will be swift and to the point: no potatoes. just meat.
    as caring as i am, irl, i am equally blunt and straight-forward. and before we fucked, physically giving consent to our casualness, i made sure to let her know i was in it for the intimacy and the sex, and nothing else. she assured me the same. and if my hand is forced, i will remind her of that.

    NO INDIAN GIVING.
     
  8. TheBrickBalls

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    Girlvinyl

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  9. DirtyHoney

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    haha or pure Extacy that washes out of your system in 12 hrs or less... I mean, I have helped make stuff like that because I know how reaction run and which of the diastereomers will appear in a certain mixture at a certain temp... awww man, chem finally pays off
     
  10. Helix

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    Yeah, but I bet you can't make a MAC cannon that will decimate the car of a douchebag of your choosing from a couple of miles. Fuck...that'll land you in prison though, huh? Maybe I should switch majors, I'm way more into drugs than I am weapons of mass destruction.
     
  11. Flu

    Flu
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    Yeah, you think that's how it's going to go down, BROTHA, but you don't know... In Canada, it's always cold - black guys move slower, get sluggish in the cold. your Caribbean bods can't hack the permafrost like us glorious whites can. plus, i have already made a golden, life-sized (minus half an inch) replica of my cock - so you'll have TWO cocks to contend with; like bringing a knife to a gun fight. and lastly, even if you do succeed in fucking me... have you ever squeezed a guinea pig, just to watch him shit? Ever heard that noise they make as you're crushing in its sides, it's little penis unfurling?? -- that god awful, high drone??? That's the sound i make when i have sex. it's been known to render men deaf, dumb, and blind... which means your ass will be mine for the plucking. you'll have fallen into my trap. JACKPOT (that's what i'm calling your anus)
     
  12. DirtyHoney

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    haha! Sugar, you just need organic, physical and analytical chem, it'll get you where you need to go, I mean, my friends ask questions like "how do you get this compound?" and you can look at it, tell what it's going to be, and be able to tell them at what temperatures with what compounds they'll be able to get what drug they're looking for.
     
  13. ge5undhe17

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    ^truth

    max out your Org/phys/analytical levels. Theoretical/quantum chem is for nerds
     
  14. Flu

    Flu
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    I don't know why you faggots are talking about NERD chemistry in this thread, when it's all about the only chemistry that counts - DICK CHEMISTRY.
    pussy beakers filled to spilling.
    a veritable Frankenstein bedroom laboratory with the base research of better turning heavy-petting (Jeckle) into sexual alchemy gold (Hyde.)

    i feel for you nerds... when i'm not plowing fields of ass, i support thermite and whatever else erupts into flames and ends in carnage. like my bed. like lost virginities.
    and i even support the old kinetic molecular theory (in-out-in-out-up-and-down), so long as the example of particles moving faster and getting hotter is my dick, burning through young ass at breakneck speeds. otherwise, i don't have any time for your fag's unproven junk science.

    this thread is about how wet i got my dick.
    it's about biology. keep it that way, faggots.