The Fan Fiction Thread

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by PerpetuallyAroused, Oct 20, 2011.

  1. PerpetuallyAroused

    PerpetuallyAroused
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    Girlvinyl

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    Ok, I know y'all fancy yourselves as epic fanfic writers who should totally take over the writing of your favorite series from the actual author, so lets see what you have. I want all of you to try your hands at writing a fanfic in where Harry Potter is kidnapped, and has his anal virginity auctioned off deep in a secret vault in gringotts. Should be 3 pages single spaced minimum, gogoogog.
     
  2. PerpetuallyAroused

    PerpetuallyAroused
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    Girlvinyl

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    Remember to make lots of euphemisms about wands.
     
  3. PerpetuallyAroused

    PerpetuallyAroused
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    Girlvinyl

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    C'mon guys, show me what you got.
     
  4. Flu

    Flu
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    No. I've never watched Harry Potter and I've never read one of those shitty books. I wasn't 13 in 2001 and I'd be wasting my talent on your shit demand.
     
  5. PerpetuallyAroused

    PerpetuallyAroused
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    Girlvinyl

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    you know. You want. To do it.
     
  6. PerpetuallyAroused

    PerpetuallyAroused
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    Girlvinyl

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    You guys are pathetic, is that all you guys got?
     
  7. Harpoons

    Harpoons
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    Fissure of Man

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  8. PerpetuallyAroused

    PerpetuallyAroused
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    Girlvinyl

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    You guys R all fags.
     
  9. Immortal_Cake

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    Noice

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    You're the one who wants a faggot Harry Potter fan fic.

    And, here, I thought you were the best EDF user...
     
  10. PerpetuallyAroused

    PerpetuallyAroused
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    Girlvinyl

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    I am, but this thread is about proving a point.
     
  11. jack

    jack
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    Do a story about how your life went after you tried to sell drugs to those kids.I mean man,You clearly can write. so why not write a story for your fellow scumbags.Tell us just how many people you have to sell on the black market too get enough money to keep your nose in A mountain of cocaine. burning questions that we all must know.
     
  12. Flu

    Flu
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    I wasn't joking when I said that I've never watched or read any of the Harry Potter series. I've always been put off by them, and so the best I could do for a Potter "fan fic" would be to put all the kids in capes and give them cocks for wands. Dumbledor's gay already, so that's half my work done there. In fact, I'm starting to think every installment beyond the first Harry Potter is just a fanfic of the original Harry Potter.

    Sorry man. But send me the coke regardless, and you can tail along and watch me get high then beat up a woman in the parkade.
     
  13. jack

    jack
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    Can I hold her down when you rape her?
     
  14. Flu

    Flu
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    Of course! You need 2+ men for this violent sex crime, anyway. Besides, it wouldn't be parkade rape if the woman didn't get held down!
     
  15. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
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    Harry Potter and the Hogwarts express.

    Chapter 1

    It was a dark and stormy night and Harry was wide awake, the thunder was still very loud, and as he watched the time count down on his cousin's wrist watch he knew nobody would care innthe morning that he was turning eleven.
    Suddenly the door crashed open and a giant shaggy man carrying a peculiar pink umbrella and wearing a moleskin coat entered, he then picked up the door off the ground and fitted it carefully in it's frame.
    Harry looked at his fat cousin who remained fast asleep like the comatose couch potato he is.

    "you're a wizard harry!!" said the stranger "I'm a what?" Harry asked perplexed "A wizard o course!" said the man with an accent like Robbie Coltrane's "i'm Hagrid keeper o keys at hogwarts, they got you enrolled snd they sent me to find you and take you there"

    "really?" Harry asked, this must explain everything, the vanishing glass and talking snake, it all made sense.

    "i can take you there today" said hagrid.

    In the morning.

    Chaper 2.

    Wait for it, i'm bored.
     
  16. LordEnrique

    LordEnrique
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    Harry Potter and the Ass Goblins of Gringots.

    Chapter 12: The Devious Plot
    Harry was quite stiff after the long ride on the Hogwarts express, but when he saw the great, purple towers of the castle ahead, his heart swam in delight. Harry couldn’t wait to get back to his classes and learn how to properly summon a Patronus. He had practiced a bit over the summer under the covers of his bed so that the Dursleys wouldn’t find out. He’d fiddle with his wand and try to think of the happiest thoughts he could muster: often times these thoughts were of his friends, Ron and Hermione. As soon as he could see their bright, shining faces in his mind, a silvery-white substance would erupt from the tip of his wand, but not with the same force that Professor Lupin’s Patronus had. Lupin had offered to privately tutor Harry, he even let Harry practice on his own wand: a magnificent rod ten and three quarter inches in length and very ridged.
    “Where is Potter?” sneered a haughty, cold voice, “It’s the first day of school, it wouldn’t be right if we didn’t find him and teach him some of the tricks we’ve learned this summer.” Draco Malfoy and his two gorilla like body guards Crabe and Goyle thrusted themselves through the crowd behind Harry. Ron and Hermione were still busy in their compartment, and Harry didn’t want to face down the brunt of Draco’s cocky attitude all by himself. Luckily Harry had his invisibility cloak! It had served him well last year when he used it sneak into the girl’s bathroom and found out the mystery of how Moaning Myrtle got her name. Harry quickly slipped on the cloak, and ran for the strong, hard walls of Hogwarts.
    Harry was the first inside the marble hall. Filtch was busy setting up posters for the first Quidditch match of the year. Quidditch! Harry thought. Oh how the thought of Quidditch titillated him! He couldn’t wait until he was back in the air, broomstick gripped between his moist palms, balls flying every which way for the whole school to see! He would score so hard, all of Gryffindor would talking about it for years! Ron would ask Harry if he could ride his Firebolt. Harry had never let anybody ride his Firebolt, but it had to be anybody, it would definitely be Ron.
    Suddenly, he heard hushed, desperate voices. “Severus, please,” one of the voices gasped. Harry recognized it instantly; It was the voice of the headmaster, Dumbledore! And Severus could only mean one person, the dreaded Professor Snape! Sure enough, when Harry rounded the corner, he saw Dumbledore on his knees before Snape. Snape’s wand was erect and pointed directly at Dumbledore’s perspiring face.
    “It will be my pleasure, Professor,” Snape groaned gripping his wand tighter. His eyes burned with raw passion between the curtains of hair which were as thick, greasy, and black as the fingers of the average KFC patron.

    This was all I could think of, before I got sick of writing this.
     
  17. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Chapter two.
    All aboard.

    Next morning Harry and Hagrid sailed for the mainland leaving the dursleys fucking stranded on a crap shack on the rocks.
    As Hagrid and Harry sailed across the waters he asked a burning question "Hagrid can i see some magic?"
    "Sorry Harry" Said Hagrid "Now that i've found you i am not allowed to.. But" he said slowly "i can do this" he said holding his hand up, and pulling his thumb off and putting it back on "Wow! That was amazing!!" later on they reached downtown london, "here we are" said Hagrid pointing at a white Van parked in an ally between two buildings "This is Diagon Alley a magical place that only wizards can see!!" Harry noticed the white van had an emblem painted on it that read "Hogwarts" with a coat of arms.

    "is this the Hogwarts Express?" asked Harry "It sure is" Said Hagrid "Get on board in the back and i will take you and your new fellow Hogwarts schoolmates to the castle!!
    Harry was excited so he got on board and the doors closed behind as Hagrid went to start up the van.

    SIX WEEKS LATER

    chapter 69
    Stranger danger.

    police found several black garbage bags containing various human children body parts in varying states of decomposition, and the police found the most recent one, a black garbage bag with a pair of black cellotaped glasses dropped outside it.

    THE END