The BADDEST Motherfuckers That Ever Lived

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Atomic_Joe, Aug 26, 2011.

  1. Atomic_Joe

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    Joevahkiin

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    Lee Marvin
    [​IMG]

    Charles Bronson
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    Clint Eastwood
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    Simo Häyhä
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    Erich Hartmann
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    God-DAYUM, these guys are bad.
     
  2. Lucky

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    I LIKE THIS THREAD.

    A LOT.
     
  3. Regi

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    dude hellyes simo hayha(the white death) was a badass finnish, he killed 705 red army with only suomi kp/31 rifle and in 100 day he killed 542 red guard,but one day lucky guy shoot him in the lower left jaw that's why he has pretty fucked up face but even carpet bombing cant kill him
     
  4. Regi

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    maybe u should put michel wittman too
     
  5. Atomic_Joe

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    With at LEAST 705 kills under his belt, he was one seriously bad Finnish man.
     
  6. Atomic_Joe

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    It's an open thread, you can add him.

    No Chuck Norris, though. He is no longer bad.
     
  7. Regi

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    his story is trully inspiring :rolleyes:
     
  8. TheForRealDeal

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  9. Regi

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    chuck just overrated american,,,,wait someone at my door....
     
  10. Lucky

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    Behold the mufuggin' awesome that is...
    [​IMG]

    RICHARD BONG.

    Ok, first of all his name is Dick Bong. That's just lol. Second, look at his pic. Do you THINK he gives a fuck? Hell no he doesn't. He fucks bitches morning, noon, and night. This is a guy who got in trouble in the Air Force for blowing some bitch's undies off her clothesline. Also he got in trouble for DOING LOOP-DE-LOOPS OVER THE FUCKING GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE. But he doesn't give a fuck. Also he is the highest scoring American Ace, but even that's only like 40 confirmed planes. Hartmann is still king in that aspect, but Hartmann didn't loop fucking bridges.
     
  11. Khanzer

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    EDF official mascot

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    I like this.
     
  12. Atomic_Joe

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    Lee Marvin. To be an on screen bad ass, you have to be a real one.

    [​IMG]

    Marvin was born in New York City. Awesome.

    He was named in honor of Confederate General Robert E. Lee, who was his first cousin, four times removed. Awesome.


    As a teenager, Marvin "spent weekends and spare time hunting deer, puma, wild turkey and bobwhite in the wilds of the then-uncharted Everglades." As a TEENAGER, he was swamp trekking. YOU were probably selling Dippin' Dots or some shit.

    He attended St. Leo Preparatory College in St. Leo, Florida after being expelled from several schools for bad behavior. Get accepted to fancy college? Check. Get kicked out for being too cool for school? Double Check.

    Marvin left school to join the United States Marine Corps, serving as a Scout Sniper in the 4th Marine Division. He was wounded in action during the WWII Battle of Saipan, during which most of his platoon were killed. Marvin's wound (in the buttocks) was from machine gun fire, which severed his sciatic nerve. He was awarded the Purple Heart and was given a medical discharge with the rank of Private First Class. Survive a slaughter, get shot in the ass, and get a medal? All in a days work for Lee Marvin.

    [​IMG] Lee Marvin is buried in Arlington. Unlike you, pussy.
     
  13. Lucky

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    This next man has already been mentioned, but I'm going to expand on him because he's really my favorite person ever.

    [​IMG]

    Erich. Mother Fucking. Hartmann.

    The Ace of Mother Fucking Ace of Mother Fucking Aces.

    This man here. This bad-ass dude right the fuck here. Is the greatest man EVER to step into the cockpit of an aircraft. He is the single highest scoring Ace in the history of aeronautics. He had a confirmed 352 planes shot down in WWII. THREE HUNDRED FIFTY TWO. You dumb shits probably can't even count that high. He got like 100 medals from Hitler. Like Hitler personally gave them to him. Holy shit that's awesome. Hartmann also redefined aerial warfare. And he winged it too (pun fucking intended). Performing aerial maneuvers no one ever seen had at that point, he fucking raped everyone. He was so good, he never lost a plane in his squadron. He fucking covered for everyone. This mofo was never shot down either. No one could get close enough to get a clean shot off. Did I tell you about his nicknames? That's right. Nicknames PLURAL. "The Black Devil". "The Blonde Knight". And by his friends, "Bubi". After the war, the Russians were assholes and sent him to an internment camp for over 10 fucking years. They were also butthurt because they were so jelly of his mad skills and falsely charged him with a shit-ton of war crimes. They just mad. After 10 years he was released and went back home to his wife who I believe he fucked daily until he died.

    Also he has like three fucking movies about him.
     
  14. Atomic_Joe

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    Erich Hartmann took the book they gave him in flight school and literally threw it out of his cockpit. His tactic was to attack at point blank range(air craft that is <100 feet). That leaves about less than 3 seconds to shred an airplane traveling at around 300 mph.

    Erich Hartmann had to wear 2 parachutes. One for himself, and another for his gigantic ballbag.
     
  15. Lucky

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    I have like, 12 fighter pilots I could write about. I'll hold off for now while some of you other pussies try to honor the manliest men ever.

    Also Joe write one about Saxton Hale.
     
  16. Atomic_Joe

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    [​IMG]

    SAXTON HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!!!

    Saxton Hale is the rugged Australian CEO of Mann Co., star of the Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales comic series and an all-around man among men whose favorite pastimes include fighting, drinking and battling with rare and ferocious animals. Identifying features include his exceptional moustache, rippling muscles, crocodile-tooth lined hat and a patch of chest hair shaped like Australia. He also refuses to wear clothes on his upper body "for obvious reasons".

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    Yeah, you fight him in TF2. Do you think you stand a chance? Fuck no. He has 5,000 hp and uses no guns. He kills you with his fists.
     
  17. luvur

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    Simo "White Death" Häyhä

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    Only the most bad-ass sniper to ever live. Häyhä was credited with 505 confirmed plus 37 unconfirmed kills of Soviet scum. I know this makes you gay for this beast of a man already but wait, there's more. Besides his sniper kills, Häyhä was also credited with over two hundred kills with a Suomi KP/-31 submachine gun, thus bringing his credited kills to at least 705. Just give him a wooden stick and watch the destruction that ensues.

    Remarkably, all of Häyhä's kills were accomplished in fewer than 100 days at a time of year with very short hours of daylight. He did all of this In temperatures between −40 and −20 degrees Celsius, dressed completely in white camouflage. You won't even walk your dog in the fucking snow, pussy. He's so bad-ass he couldn't even be bothered to use a scope, he used good ol' fashion iron sights just cause he could. When scouting for the enemy he kept his mouth full of snow so his breath wasn't visible. You get a brain freeze from ice cream, faggot.

    [​IMG]

    The Soviets were so butthurt, they tried several ploys to get rid of him, including counter-snipers and artillery strikes. Yeah, that's right, this god among men couldn't even be taken out with a fucking airstrike. However, on March 6, 1940, Häyhä was shot in the lower left jaw by some Russian scumbag. Probably got him when he was raping Russian whores for lulz. The bullet tumbled upon impact and exited his head. He was picked up by fellow soldiers who said "half his head was missing", but he was not dead. Why? Because gods don't die. He regained consciousness on March 13, the day peace was declared. The untold story there is that the Russians pussed out when they heard he was coming back for more. Shortly after the war Häyhä was promoted from alikersantti (corporal) to Second Lieutenant by Field Marshal Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim; no one else has gained rank so quickly in Finland's military history. They should had made this beast General, but they just jelly.

    He's so bad-ass he even had a song made about him. When was the last time someone cared enough about your lame life to write a song about you? Never.



    Enjoy, pussies.
     
  18. Atomic_Joe

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    Chris Everhart. He killed a black bear.

    With a fucking LOG.

    Mr Everhart, former USMC, was off camping with his 3 sons, like any good father does with his boys. The bear was spotted eyeballing and fucking with their cooler, which was probably filled with alcohol and meat. Logan, Chris' 6 YEAR OLD SON, waved a shovel to try and scare the bear away. It didn't work. The bear rounded on Logan and was storming toward him when Chris GRABBED A LOG AND STARTED BEATING ON THE BEARS FACE.

    The bear did not survive the encounter.

    [​IMG]

    These 3 men have more balls than the state of Texas.


     
  19. Flu

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    I think that after a certain point an army has to stop awarding medals to these men (the last two especially), as there are only a certain number of them and ranks to give, and should just start pledging the skulls of their enemies to them since they're clearly working for Khorne, the blood god.

    [​IMG]

    (warped by the infernal powers of chaos / on his way to demonhood)
     
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  20. Atomic_Joe

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    GENTLEMEN... BEHOLD!
     
  21. Lucky

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    BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! KILL MAIM BURN KILL MAIM BURN KILL MAIM BURNKILL MAIM BURN
     
  22. Flu

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    SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!!
     
  23. Rock

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    What's all this then?
     
  24. Flu

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    nah. he's clearly a really awesome guy, but not THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER EVER. But, there is a place in Valhalla, nonetheless.
     
  25. Baya Rae 4900

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    This is Dirlewanger, giving a shit.
     
  26. CallMeMaggot

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    [​IMG]

    Yogendra Singh Yadav was a member of an Indian grenadier battalion during a conflict with Pakistan in 1999. Their mission was to climb "Tiger Hill" (actually a big-ass mountain), and neutralize the three enemy bunkers at the top. Unfortunately, this meant climbing up a sheer hundred-foot cliff-face of solid ice. Since they didn't want to all climb up one at a time with ice-axes, they decided they'd send one guy up, and he'd fasten the ropes to the cliff as he went, so everyone else could climb up the sissy way. Yadav, being awesome, volunteered.
    Half way up the icy cliff-o'-doom, enemies stationed on an adjacent mountain opened fire, shooting them with an RPG, then spraying assault-rifle fire all over the cliff. Half his squad was killed, including the commander, and the rest were scattered and disorganized. Yadav, in spite of being shot three times, kept climbing.

    When he reached the top, one of the target bunkers opened fire on him with machine guns. Yadav ran toward the hail of bullets, pitched a grenade in the window and killed everyone inside. By this point the second bunker had a clear shot and opened fire, so he ran at them, taking bullets while he did, and killed the four heavily-armed men inside with his bare hands.

    For his gallantry and sheer ballsiness, he was awarded the Param Vir Chakra, India's highest military award. Unlike the Medal of Honor, the Param Vir Chakra is only given for "rarest of the rare gallantry which is beyond the call of duty and which in normal life is considered impossible to do."

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    An allied commander in WWII, and an avid fan of surfing, Captain Jack Malcolm Thorpe Fleming Churchill aka "Fighting Jack Churchill" aka "Mad Jack" was basically the craziest motherfucker in the whole damn war.
    He volunteered for commando duty, not actually knowing what it entailed, but knowing that it sounded dangerous, and therefore fun. He is best known for saying that "any officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed" and, in following with this, for carrying a sword into battle. In WWII. And not one of those sissy ceremonial things the Marines have. No, Jack carried a fucking claymore. And he used it, too. He is credited with capturing a total of 42 Germans and a mortar squad in the middle of the night, using only his sword.

    Churchill and his team were tasked with capturing a German fortification creatively called "Point 622." Churchill took the lead, charging ahead of the group into the dark through the barbed wire and mines, pitching grenades as he went. Although his unit did their best to catch up, all but six of them were lost to silly things like death. Of those six, half were wounded and all any of them had left were pistols. Then a mortar shell swung in and killed/mortally wounded everyone who wasn't Jack Churchill.
    When the Germans found him, he was playing "Will Ye No Come Back Again?" on his bagpipes. He carried them right next to his big fucking sword.

    After being sent to a concentration camp, he got bored and left. Just walked out. They caught him again, and sent him to a new camp. So he left again. After walking 150 miles with only a rusty can of onions for food, he was picked up by the Americans and sent back to Britain, where he demanded to be sent back into the field, only to find out (with great disappointment) the war had ended while he was on his way there.

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    When Audie Murphy applied to the Marines in 1942 at the tender age of 16, he was 5'5" and weighed 110 pounds. They laughed in his face. So he applied to the Air Force, and they also laughed in his face. Then he applied for the Army, and they figured they could always use another grunt to absorb gunfire, so they let him in. He wasn't particularly good at it, and they actually tried to get him transferred to be a cook after he passed out halfway through training. He insisted that he wanted to fight though, so they sent him into the maelstrom.
    During the invasion of Italy he was promoted to corporal for his awesome shooting skills, and at the same time contracted malaria, which he had for almost the entire war.


    He was sent into southern France in 1944. He encountered a German machine gun crew who pretended they were surrendering, then shot his best buddy. Murphy completely hulked out, killed everyone in the gun nest, then used their weaponry to kill every baddie in a 100-yard radius, including two more machine gun nests and a bunch of snipers. They gave him a Distiguished Service Cross, and made him platoon commander while everyone apologized profusely for calling him "Shorty."
    About half a year later, his company was given the job of defending the Colmar Pocket, a critical region in France, even though all they had left was 19 guys (out of the original 128) and a couple of M-10 Tank Destroyers.

    The Germans showed up with a shitload of guys and half a dozen tanks. Since reinforcements weren't coming for a while, Murphy and his men hid in a trench and sent the M-10s to go do the heavy lifting. They got ripped to shreds.
    Then, this five-and-a-half-foot-tall kid with malaria ran up to one of the crippled M-10s, hopped in behind the .50 cal machine gun, and started killing everything in sight. Understand that the M-10 was on fire, had a full tank of gas and was basically a death-trap.

    He kept going for almost an hour until he was out of bullets, then walked back to his bewildered men as the M-10 exploded. They gave him literally every medal they could (33 in all, although he had doubles of a few, plus five from France and one from Belgium), including the Medal of Honor.





     
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  27. Emily

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    BANNED LOL

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    He's called beefcake.
     
  28. Lucky

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    OH MY GOD.
    CALLMEMAGGOT.
    YOUR POST GIVES ME SO MANY BONERS.
     
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  29. CallMeMaggot

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    Yeah, those are indeed real bad motherfuckers...my nuts cowers in amazement in front of so much manliness...
     
  30. Lucky

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    This bird. This fucking bird. Gawd dayum.