Stories about your shitty landlords and asshole neighbors

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by worldofwhorecraft, Jan 16, 2012.

  1. worldofwhorecraft

    worldofwhorecraft
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    Dramacrat

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    My landlady has a real bad case of disposaphobia (along with a shitload of other mental illnesses like psychotic depression, OCD, probably Alzheimer, etc) and she had a panic attack when we were moving in and she saw us throwing out our moving boxes. She even tried to convince us that a box we were using temporarily for garbage would make a good night stand. As soon as she found out we have 3 ferrets she tried to blame the fact that she had bugs in her disgusting hoard on our pets, saying that they "turn into flies" (she's from Austria so her English is broken) she also lived through a war in Austria so she still lives like she is poor and in a cave with no heat or power. Whenever she comes downstairs to collect rent she's wearing her winter coat because she doesn't turn on the heat up there.

    It is pretty rare that we go to bed earlier than 3 AM, we are on the bottom of a mother-daughter/multifamily home and we have to tiptoe around our own home to appease this woman (or we did until we realized she hears shit which will bring us to the story after this). One night we were quietly watching a tv show on my laptop because we don't have cable. If you own a laptop you know how shitty and quiet the max volume can be, well this was only up about half way. Right in the middle of our show she starts slamming her fist against the door screaming at us through the door. Hubby just told her to shut up and take her meds (which she takes "as needed" not as prescribed) and she went away.

    There were about 2-3 days in a row where we had to get up early, so we miraculously went to bed at 11PM. After the last day of going to bed early she calls hubby telling us that she could hear us up and walking around at the wee hours of the night, erm, morning. Riiiight....

    So yeah, I want to hear your shitty landlord stories. If you're still living with mommy then give me shitty neighbor stories. I got plenty of those too.
     
  2. TwoStar

    TwoStar
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    EDF Hero

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    Sometimes our neighbors play music very loud. It's bad.
     
  3. worldofwhorecraft

    worldofwhorecraft
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    Dramacrat

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    That problem would be a blessing compared to what I have to deal with... unless it's like some top 40 shit or nigger anthems. Just play loud music back :)
     
  4. Soulja swager

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    Ediot

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    well my neighbor played shit black music and that was not the worst thing it was that she sang along and when that didn't happen she would get into fights with i don't know who at 3 at night and one time she stabbed a guy and he was bleeding every where so as soon as i get out the door in the mourn i see a blood splattered wall....jesus i hate living in a black neighborhood
     
  5. Atomic_Joe

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    Joevahkiin

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    My landlord back in Georgia was a 6'5 Armenian woman with arms like Popeye. I was legitimately terrified of her. I once saw her manhandle a black dude that tried to break into her station wagon. She straight up whipped his ass.

    I was NEVER behind in my rent, let me tell you. She could've either raped or killed me with her massive potato farmer hands.
     
  6. Soulja swager

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    Ediot

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    is it weird that that turned me on a little?
     
  7. Chainsaw surgeon

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    EDF's anal hookworm

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    My neighbors are nocturnal, and whenever they come out at night they talk and play their shit music the LOUDEST WAY POSSIBLE.
     
  8. TwoStar

    TwoStar
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    EDF Hero

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    "He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster."
    -Friederick Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil.
     
  9. beefrave

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    Intergalactic Internets Services LLC

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    [​IMG]
     
  10. beefrave

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    Intergalactic Internets Services LLC

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    google earth my address .
    i aint got that problem.
    751 W Neal Ave Las Vegas NV 89183​
     
  11. Murdoc esp

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    soy un vago de mierda....
    Like Op I got some problems with a landlady, that happens in my last apartment, that woman was a 90 year old cuban bitch high on medication and the worst....a cat lover,those halls in that freakin place smelled like cat shit because she didnt give a fuck, my place was neat but the smell out there was annoying for people coming over, everytime I wanted to pay her the rent she started her bullshit about me and my roommate robbing her or trying to take advantage of her, and this was like almost every moment I saw her around with her stupid cats in the building, got sick of that shit and got a new place where I am now..I hope she is dead now, seriously.
     
  12. Andria Kilgore

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    Girlvinyl

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    I have neighbors on the other side of me who played the song "Who Let The Dogs Out?", which was past its prime within days of its release in 2000, for 12 hours straight, at full volume. The boombox was within 60 feet of my living-room window.

    They had the cops called on them for violating a noise ordinance, and they beat up one cop so bad that he had a broken skull and the other a spinal cord injury, in an attempt to protect their stash of marijuana, uncut cocaine, pure heroin and counterfeit money. They may have been drug dealers who liked shitty music, and shitty people in general, but they severely injured cops, so I have at least a little bit of respect for them.
     
  13. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    when I lived back in leeds we had a pothead neighbour who was always chucking beer cans over then fence and smoking weed like a trooper. didn't have a problem with the weed but the beer tinnies were a nuisance. we just threw them back over. him and his wife did have a kid. poor little bitch- her parents spent more time at the pub than with her.
     
  14. oddguy

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    The Prime Memeister

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    I am so glad more people are now using EDF as their blog...
     
  15. Voodeuxfy

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    There was this one place I lived at for about 3 months that had a really weird smell. It was faint at first but soon it started warming up. The rent was dirt cheap compared to the good area it was in. Well, after while, I got into wanting to find where that smell was coming from, and turned out that there was a dead body under the new wooden steps, which so happened to be the landlord's daughter's ex boyfriend whom went missing a week before I moved in. I asked the landlord about it, to which I was forcibly evicted from the place.
     
  16. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    says the king shitposter. but it could be worse. you could be S4- I mean, at least you can do some pretty neat haiku and he was just a waste of DNA.
     
  17. Weezus Christ

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    i have always been the asshole neighbor and shitty landlord.

    ill tell some stories about the terror and havok me and my tenants have perpetuated on an unsuspecting neighborhood tomorrow.

    they involve halogen lights, shitty drunken live bands, brawls, massive out of control fires, controlled furniture fires,
    backyard wrestling and fucking in the front yard in the craziest possible positions just to put on a good show.


    to be fair i wasnt that bad of a landlord. i usually didnt give a fuck if people didnt pay me rent
    and ended up spending all the cash on getting everyone plastered anyway whether they did or not
     
  18. KelpBurn

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    Dramacrat

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    While not really a bad "apartment" situation, I did find myself living with some grade-A assholes while I was in college. I was living in a triple with some douchebag rugby player who did nothing but smoke weed and a lacrosse player who enjoyed fucking chicks in the room while I was away. Needless to say, I spent more time in my friends' room down the hall than I did in my own room.

    Good news though, I managed to steal the guy's stash before I left for break. What was he going to do, tell them I stole his weed?
     
  19. Weezus Christ

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    EDF Savior

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    you seem gay
     
  20. KelpBurn

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    Dramacrat

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    You wish.
     
  21. Baya Rae 4900

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    Lawlman

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    Notice how the signs are in Spanish.
     
  22. toxicmaniac

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    Dramacrat

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    [​IMG]
     
  23. jujitsu

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    Dramacrat

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    I wish I could afford my own place, or luxury apartment.

    jesus christ.

    my neighbor's would fuck while i slept, and I'd fucking yell at them COME ON>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>!

    One time I countered their party with Pantera, COWBOYS FROM HELL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>!by using loud speakers. I literally rigged up a computer one night just for my neighbors.

    My landlord is a fucking creep. Everything is moldy, and i want to move out.

    If my girlfriend wasn't a dependent loser I'd have my own property.

    I have plenty of ghetto buddies who told me they go right up to doors, and knock on that shit! I was about to do it once. Om my god do i feel irish sometimes.
     
  24. Flu

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    Whenever I'm jacking off on my balcony at noon, the ASSHOLE neighbours all around will yell at me to "go inside!" I tell them to fuck off - I'm almost done. One of them took pictures with her cellphone while I was jacking off on my balcony, which might have been cool, HAD SHE PAID ME. But she never paid me. Basically, everytime I'm jacking off or using my dick wand or asshole plunger on my balcony, all the fucking rat fuck neighbours, like good little gestapo agents, whine and cry and get the landlord on my ass, despite some playing loud music at night and other ones frying up some shit smelling "ethnic" foods. I never complain, but they ALWAYS DO whenever I'm about to bust my wad on my balcony. MY balcony - that my girlfriend pays rent for. I want to move so bad.
     
  25. Beefcake

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    Best-selling author

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    So our backyard neighbor's fat high school aged daughter decided to throw a party. In the middle of the week. I had to get up early that morning and when they were still blasting shitty R&B at 3AM, I got out of bed, put on my robe, grabbed my guitar and wheeled my Marshall out into the backyard with an extension cord.

    After 30 seconds of playing Slayer's Angel of Death at half volume, this bitch comes to the fence with some of her annoying friends screaming bloody murder at me. I politely tell them to fuck off, turn the amplifier up to full volume and start playing again.

    After I had finished my song, I noticed that their music had stopped and so I went back to bed for some much deserved sleep.
     
  26. Atomic_Joe

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    Joevahkiin

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    I mean, if that's your thing, not at all.
     
  27. $$Trooper

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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    When i was 15 we had a hardcore evangelical christian family move in next door.
    I didn't give a shit until she started getting REALLY involved with our personal lives.

    Tricked my mom into taking my brother and I into Youth clubs for Christians (never mind the fact that my whole family is Atheist)
    Why do Youth Club leaders have to be so nice, its like they have no other emotion other than "Pleasant".
    (FUN FACT; They don't mention its a Jesus circlejerk until AFTER your parents have left you at the church/warehouse/indoctrination facility)

    She would do that "Peering over the fence" shit.
    Would interrupt family meals for discussions on why two teenagers weren't going to church.
    slipped Anti-Abortion/Abstinence/JESUS! pamphlets into our letterbox.
    Prayed for us (shudder).
    and criticized the ungodly way we lived/Music we listened to/movies we watched.

    It was like living next to Ned Flanders if Ned was a complete and utter CUNTWHORE.
     
  28. Soulja swager

    Soulja swager
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    Ediot

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    i mean i think its that she is tall that gets me hot because this does nothing for me
    [​IMG]
     
  29. Helix

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    resident stoner

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    No way that isn't a tranny, look at it's FACE

    Also I share an apartment with two other people my age, so I'm not encountering the same problems, but I swear to fucking god they think I'm their mother or something. The good news is they're all DTS so I can leave my bongs lying around and stuff.
     
  30. Atomic_Joe

    Atomic_Joe
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    Joevahkiin

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    That makes me want to slam my dick in a sock drawer, ugh.