So there I was

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Stormtrooper, Nov 23, 2011.

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  1. Stormtrooper

    Stormtrooper
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    So there I was, like sitting in class and stuff, one headphone in, listening to some drum and bass, when my instructor, Mr. Goldfish, like, blows my mind with some new, off the wall chemistry shit that explains that a calorie approximates the energy needed to increase the temperature of 1 kilogram of water by 1 °C. This is exactly 1,000 small calories or about 4.2 kilojoules.

    Whoa.

    So, naturally, I exclaim, "Holy Shit, Mr. Goldfish, that's really fucking cool." In which He replies, "No, Stormy, it's actually kinda hot." and then the asshat in the seat behind me whispers "Trolled softly." and attempts to give me a body massage.

    Like, who attempts to give a random chick a fucking body massage, right?


     
  2. Stormtrooper

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    Anyway, that's when shit got weird.

    W.
    E.
    I.
    R.
    D.

    Suddenly, Mr Goldfish imploded in a thunderclap of smoke and bacon grease, and my mysterious masseuse began to rub my neck most vigorously, and he whispered in my ear:

    "My name is David, though in this age when fame is the altar at which most people worship, I am not sure why you should care who I am or that I exist" I agree wholeheartedly, suddenly snacking on a carrot as he continued his diatribe.

    "In fact I am such a nonentity by the standards of our culture that Time magazine not only will never feature a piece about me but might also reject my attempts to subscribe to their publication on the grounds that the black-hole gravity of my non celebrity is powerful enough to suck their entire enterprise into oblivion."
     
  3. Dynamic Entry

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    lay off the cough syrup, storm.
     
  4. Stormtrooper

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    David "Dave" Davidson (as per what his name tag said, anyway.) then began to knead my shoulders, and said: "Loneliness comes in two basic varieties. When it results from a desire for solitude, loneliness is a door we close against the world. When the world instead rejects us, loneliness is an open door, unused."

    This is when I started to yell Guile's theme music from Street Fighter, and furiously masturbating.

    "Pain is a gift. Humanity, without pain, would know neither fear nor pity." David continued, pointedly ignoring my attempts at self-pleasure. "Without fear, there could be no humility, and every man would be a monster. The recognition of pain and fear in others give rise in us to pity, and in our pity is our humanity, our redemption."

    This is when he began to rub my temples and scalp. I yelled, no SCREAMED, "Halt, Hammerzeit!" and began to goose step, pants-less, around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel. The monkey stopped to pull up his sock, pop went the weasel. But the weasel was actually a code word for the President of Liberia, so that was a whole 'nother can of worms.
     
  5. Dynamic Entry

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    i have a feeling that having sex with you could be quite fun.

    shame.
     
  6. oddguy

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    The Prime Memeister

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    did you rly need to split this into three posts ?
     
  7. Stormtrooper

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    I was intending to make this a Homeric Epic, but ya niggas aint ready for this shit.
     
  8. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Girlvinyl

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    [​IMG]
    Those your tits?
     
  9. I_Cant

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    we need to have more people posting while high, I'm thinking of doing a report on that actually
     
  10. Stormtrooper

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    No
    Great idea
     
  11. Stormtrooper

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    So I killed the President of Liberia, who was secretly a weasel. Yeah, it's as much as an inconvenience as you can imagine. Now every time I go to work, I have to look over my shoulder, to look for Liberian assassins, now.

    Is that cute chick eyeballing me while licking her Choco-Taco rather suggestively just some hot slut, or a Liberian?

    Is the old man reading his newspaper...an old man reading a newspaper?

    Is that a pack of niggers acting in a niggertory manner, simply niggers nigging, or something far more insidious?

    I ponder these things as I pop my pimples, and smell the afterbirth of my aborted pores.
     
  12. I_Cant

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    ...

    /b/ucket has returned to us!
     
  13. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Girlvinyl

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    Fixed TOGTFO.
     
  14. Stormtrooper

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    superior
     
  15. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Girlvinyl

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    You really should play around with some nice guys,
    afterall being gay is an institution that the evil zionist jews invented to have 2 things
    1. a new "minority" to use as a politicial football in the further cause of destroying constitutional rights and pushing political marxism
    2. make half the white population gay while the rest are forced to marry inter-racially in order to further the extinction of whites.
    GETTIT????
     
  16. Stormtrooper

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    Your logic is unassailable. Thanks for turning me straight. Now I'm going to get knocked up by a bunch of Aryan Supermen.
     
  17. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Girlvinyl

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    Nah you don't have to be straight, just realize the MASTERPLAN and fight it
     
  18. Jotne

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    What the fuck did I just read? Will it make more sense if I get high?
     
  19. Marie Cuts

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