Sherlock Story Project

Discussion in 'Your Shitty Projects' started by minty, Jul 13, 2012.

  1. minty

    minty
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    toymaker

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    I've been working on this for a bit now. Done enough reading and watching Sherlock adaptations.
    I figured it's time to start posting it.
    Here's the people who volunteered and the roles they're playing:
    @Magnum: sniper/hitman
    @CallMeMaggot: Detective Inspector Lestrade
    @The Member Formerly Known As Baya Rae 4900: insisted upon being Moriarty, so... Moriarty
    @BizarrePsycho: Trixie's Boss
    @Trixie: volunteered to be the victim
    @uberfukken: Sherlock
    @Sugar Bombs: Dr. Watson
    @$$Trooper: Detective Inspector Gregson
    @Moscow: policeman who finds Trixie's body

    Setting: modern day. i do not know enough about the original time period to write in it.

    The Adventures of Uberfukken and Dr. Sugar Bombs: A Deadly Game of Chess

    Chapter 1
    Uberfukken sat in the apartment of 221B Baker Street slowly dragging his bow across his violin strings. The consulting detective's case load had been very slow lately. Uberfukken's roommate and assistant, Dr. Sugar Bombs, watched him play from the hall. She could tell he was joyless from his somber and lifeless playing. They needed something to work on. She missed the vibrant playing she would hear when he was working on a case.
    She walked from the hall into the kitchen and put the tea kettle on. She looked back into the living room. He had stopped playing and was putting his violin away in its case. Next to the violin case on the table was the small black case he kept his morphine and cocaine in. She sighed and looked away. It was something they disagreed on frequently but she didn't feel like bringing it up right now.
    After a moment, the kettle started to whistle and she poured herself a cup. She was about to ask Uberfukken if he'd like some as well when the doorbell rang. They heard Mrs. Hudson, the landlady, go down to answer the door.
    "Hold on, I'm coming," she said as she went down the stairs.
    "There's a patrol car out front," said Uberfukken while gazing out the window. Sugar Bombs walked over to the desk by the couch and picked up the TV remote, turning to the first news channel she could think of. A woman had been found dead at home.
    "Do you think this is why they're here?" she asked.
    "Indeed. It's the only reason why they would be."
    Sugar Bombs was about to ask "What makes you say that?" when footsteps coming up to their flat interrupted her.
    "Uberfukken, the police are here," Mrs. Hudson said as she pushed in the half-open door and looked inside.
    "Send them in," he replied.
    Detective Inspectors Maggot and Trooper stepped into the living room. They looked worriedly at the consulting detective.
    "We've got a dead woman, late 30's early 40's, gunshot wound to the head. Will you come?" Detective Inspector Maggot asked.
    "What's special about this case? You wouldn't come to me if it were just a simple murder."
    "The bullet's gone."
    "What do you mean 'gone'?"
    "I mean, it was a clean-through shot and we've searched the whole premises. It's gone."
    At this, Uberfukken's eyebrows perked up.
    "I guess we'd better find out where it went then, shall we? Dr. Sugar Bombs and I will follow you in a cab. Give us a moment please."
    The two detectives went down to their car and waited.
    "My dear Sugar Bombs, could you call for a cab for us please?" Uberfukken asked, smiling for the first time in weeks.
    "Yes, of course," she answered, dialing the number.
     
  2. uberfukken

    uberfukken
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    Rainmaker

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    looks like i had no trouble finding the morphine

    [​IMG]
     
  3. minty

    minty
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    toymaker

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    wait til the rest of the story is up
     
  4. BizarrePsycho

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    EDF Elite

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    That sounds kinky.
     
  5. minty

    minty
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    toymaker

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    indeed...
     
  6. BizarrePsycho

    BizarrePsycho
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    EDF Elite

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    Is The Member Formerly Known As Baya even alive anymore?
     
  7. minty

    minty
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    toymaker

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    i hope so. his character plays a big behind the scenes part.
     
  8. oddguy

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    The Prime Memeister

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    Shut up minty.
    No one cares about your stupid story.
    Go away.
     
  9. minty

    minty
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    toymaker

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    k
     
  10. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    you jelly that minty can string a story together easy as pie but no one believes you half baked tales about the holocaust?
     
  11. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    on a happier note, Nice job so far minty, keep up the good work!
     
  12. Fraud Based Economy

    Fraud Based Economy
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    Disinherited Nigerian Prince

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    Can it be that the most prominent Jew here on our beloved forum of EDF2

    regrets that he didn't get cast with the rest of minty's fan fiction crew?

    OH GOD HELP ME! I CAN'T STOP RHYMING MY INSULTS!
     
  13. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    You're like grunty off of banjo-kazooie
     
  14. oddguy

    oddguy
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    The Prime Memeister

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    your.
     
  15. minty

    minty
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    toymaker

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    @Fraud Based Economy
    any constructive criticism? you asked earlier if i was writing it from the watson viewpoint and i said no. i was looking at how i had the story planned and i'm not sure if i can work it that way. do you think it'd harm the story if i didn't continue it in watson perspective?
     
  16. Solution

    Solution
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    Everyone is boring

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    You going to do a reading for us when it done?
     
  17. CallMeMaggot

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    Girlvinyl

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    Nice, Sugar to the kitchen in the first five lines. Good, good...

    Also, I'd advise to keep the third person, more natural.

    (btw, I hope you aren't gonna use the ice bullet bs...)

    [​IMG]
     
  18. minty

    minty
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    toymaker

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    oh hell naw dude. it's a way better explanation than that.
     
  19. minty

    minty
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    toymaker

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    also, mythbusters debunked that shit.
     
  20. Dr. Rice

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    Girlvinyl

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    Are you sure you are done reading Sherlock adaptations? @uberfukken @Sugar Bombs
     
  21. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    ooh, you never know...
     
  22. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    fix'd
     
  23. minty

    minty
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    toymaker

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    totally
    they investigated the case of ivan's gayness, remember?
    :awesome:
     
  24. Fraud Based Economy

    Fraud Based Economy
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    Disinherited Nigerian Prince

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    Other than the fact that they didn't have TV at the time the stories were supposedly set, the set-up for your scenario is believable. People would have got their information from newspapers. If you really wanted to push it, you could have radio broadcasts. But TV came much later (this undermined my suspension of disbelief somewhat). You know old copies of the radio dramas with Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce also exist online. You might already know that, but if you missed it then those are also a great resource.

    http://archive.org/details/OTR_Sherlock_Holmes_smurfmeat

    As for writing from Sherlock's perspective, it might damage the story because this is a character whose entire premise is that when he takes a look a crime scene he finds things that other investigators have overlooked which later become crucial to the story. Usually, the set-up in the stories always worked something like this.

    Watson: "Holmes, old boy. Did you find anything of interest?"
    Holmes: "There's an odd bit of red clay under the victim's fingernails Watson."
    Watson: "So there is. The man worked as a gardener though. It's not unusual. What do you make of it?"
    Holmes: "Nothing, right now."

    (MUCH LATER)

    Inspector Lestrat: "Well Holmes, it looks like we wrapped up the case without you. Miles Worthington, is now in custody."
    Holmes: "Allow me to congratulate you, Lestrat. Unfortunately, you have an innocent man."

    (Holmes then tells Lestrat the pitfalls in his reasoning.)

    Watson: "Well this is a fine mess. Now we're back to square one."
    Holmes: "Oh I don't know Watson. I have one more person who is material to this case. Please do come in, Mr. Thatcher."
    Holmes: "May I introduce you both to Mr. John Thatcher, the murderer of Will Pemberly."

    (One short struggle later.)

    Watson: "However did you figure it out Holmes?"

    (Holmes then proceeds to describe how whatever clue which was overlooked in the initial investigation led him to the real killer. In this case it would be the clay under Pemberly's fingernails.)

    Watson: "By George, Holmes! That was an incredible bit of deduction!"

    Most of what Sherlock Holmes did tended to be "off-screened" in the books, which made the surprise ending have a bigger impact. If you just start telling things from Holmes' perspective, the mystery is greatly diminished.

    Christ, that was a long post.
     
  25. Khanzer

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    EDF official mascot

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    The Member Formerly Known As Baya is dead sis, I can be his replacement if you want.
     
  26. Fraud Based Economy

    Fraud Based Economy
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    Disinherited Nigerian Prince

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    Nonsense. The only person that could effectively be Moriarty on this forum is @scumhook.
     
  27. Khanzer

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    That is retarded, scum is so unique that he can't fit in any character, perhaps he can has his own character.
     
  28. minty

    minty
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    toymaker

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    @Fraud Based Economy
    the story is set in the modern day.
    i'm not going to tell it from holmes' perspective. as you can see from the first part, even though it was in third person perspective, the focus was still on watson, and watson's view of holmes.
    when holmes' eyebrows perked up, you got no inside look as to what he was thinking. there will be no inside look at his thoughts. when he looks over the crime scene in the second chapter, you're not going to get any information about what he's thinking until it comes time to tell the detectives why they're wrong.
     
  29. CallMeMaggot

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    Girlvinyl

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    edit: oops, late
     
  30. Fraud Based Economy

    Fraud Based Economy
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    Disinherited Nigerian Prince

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    So the story is told in 3rd person limited, and set in the modern day. Yeah, it looks fine so far.