sexprovisation

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Helix, Mar 7, 2012.

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  1. Helix

    Helix
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    resident stoner

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    Too cheap to get those expensive toys, lubricants, etc. That your significant other so desperately needs to feel pleasure in lieu of your sad, shriveled up dick, but can't afford it? Not to worry! In this thread we're going to share our penny pinching tips for producing quality sex supplies! Here are a few examples to get you started:

    -shit in a condom, freeze it, free dildo

    -leave jars between the legs of teenage girls watching twilight; use resulting fluids for free, all natural lubricant

    -cut porthole into parent's bedroom door; free porn
     
  2. Helix

    Helix
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    resident stoner

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    bump
     
  3. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder
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    Likeicares Bitch

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    I've herd some people use frozen carrots.

    Also:

    [​IMG]
     
  4. Helix

    Helix
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    resident stoner

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    Wat
     
  5. I_Cant

    I_Cant
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    EDF Elite

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    I'm... pretty sure there isn't supposed to be an orifice there...
     
  6. Atomic_Joe

    Atomic_Joe
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    Joevahkiin

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    Trick I remember from boarding school...

    You take a towel, a rubber glove, a sock, and some cock-slappin' lube, this is where it gets technical( if you're RETARDED).

    Take the towel, spread it out on the ground. Take that rubber glove, lay it on the towel, letting about half of it over the long edge(the OPEN half, shit for brains). Now, roooooooollllllllll that sucker up. Pull the end of the glove over the towel, securing it, and making it resemble a HOLE FOR YOUR DICK. Now, depending on how you like your snatch(I prefer wholly used and vile), take the sock and tie it around the end with the glove as tight, or as loose, as you want it. Apply something wet and gooey, put your penis in it, and BANG AWAY.
     
  7. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    you went to boarding school... I'm assuming that means you have an anus like a yawning hippo's mouth from all the buttsecks?
     
  8. Atomic_Joe

    Atomic_Joe
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    Joevahkiin

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    I used to be a spastic little gremlin. I pity the the dude that tried to put his wiener in my butt because A). He would've been trying to fuck a veritable capsule of nitroglycerin , and B). He has terrible taste in dude ass
     
  9. BizarrePsycho

    BizarrePsycho
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    EDF Elite

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    Vegetable oil + hand = Fleshlight!!!

    Anyway, here's this old gem.

     
  10. CallMeMaggot

    CallMeMaggot
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    Girlvinyl

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  11. inquire or hack

    inquire or hack
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    EDF Hero

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    This works especially well if your penis is a Staryu
     
  12. n1bblir

    n1bblir
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    EDF Hero

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    Or you know, you can just buy a fake vagina at a sex shop.
     
  13. Atomic_Joe

    Atomic_Joe
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    Joevahkiin

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    Hard to do as a 15 year old stuck in the boarding school.