roadkill thread

Discussion in 'Image Dump' started by minty, Oct 15, 2012.

  1. minty

    minty
    Expand Collapse
    toymaker

    Joined:
    May 6, 2012
    Messages:
    7,819
    i drove past a roadkill chupacabra today
    and then i turned around and took a picture, just for you guys
    IMG_1454.JPG
    :D

    post roadkill and roadkill stories here
    biggest thing i've ever hit is a field mouse
     
  2. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
    Expand Collapse
    Lawlman

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Messages:
    37,137
    Occupation:
    Nazi Chocolate (25.8069)
    Home Page:
    While I was driving down this particularly long road and this bitch kept tailgating me. I was going the speed limit but even if I was going half the speed limit you should always keep a three second distance from the car in front or four second if conditions require it. Well, anyway, there was this magpie on the road in the distance and I was all like "Yeah, it'll move," and I figured that it would be dangerous to slow down too suddenly to avoid hitting the bird because the bitch behind was too close. It didn't move and I ended up hitting it. I can still remember the sound it made as I hit it and crushed it. So from now on whenever somebody's tailgating me I intentionally slow down. Because fuck you for making me a murderer.
     
    • Like Like x 5
    • Autism Autism x 5
    • List
  3. Moscow

    Moscow
    Expand Collapse
    It's not just about football

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    3,910
    Occupation:
    Judging you
    Home Page:
    my dad has an enormous roadkill tally, including a large dog (on his motorbike- put him in hospital for months that one) countless rabbits and squirrels and numerous pheasants too now he lives out in the country. oh and an owl.

    best roadkill I ever saw was this squirrel leap head first into a spinning blade tree clipper thing. basically it's like a lawnmower on an articulated arm that fixes to the back of a tractor and trims unruly trees as you drive along. anyway we were driving behind it and this squirrel made a jump outwards towards it. the blade cut it's head clean off, and threw the headless body into the road.

    funny.
    as.
    fuck.

    I proceeded to practically piss myself laughing. much to the horror of my mum and my grandma who were in the car with me at the time.
     
  4. Moscow

    Moscow
    Expand Collapse
    It's not just about football

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    3,910
    Occupation:
    Judging you
    Home Page:
  5. Zozmal

    Zozmal
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2011
    Messages:
    881
    Occupation:
    King of the Shoutbox
    My dad used to be a trucker, and one night we were driving down the country side road when a deer jumped out. Since we were in the no speed limit area, that thing exploded. Its blood made a rather thin red mist, and we had to clean what was left of it from the engine. I couldn't eat for about a week. On the plus side, I lost some weight, and I'll always have this cool story to tell.
     
  6. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2011
    Messages:
    5,393
    Occupation:
    Dead
    One time, I totaled a borrowed car (piece of English-made shit from the 1980s called a "Sterling") by hitting a feral pig with it in "Deliverance" country. (somewhere in rural Georgia)

    I fucked up the whole front end and bent part of the front suspension. But I managed to drive across the Alabama state line in it before I had to call for a tow truck and get my ass pwnd by the owner. Ended the friendship.
     
  7. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2011
    Messages:
    5,393
    Occupation:
    Dead
    By the way, the pig survived, ran into the woods. Probably killed by a hunter some time later.
     
  8. Moscow

    Moscow
    Expand Collapse
    It's not just about football

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    3,910
    Occupation:
    Judging you
    Home Page:
    Squeal like a pig boi! tbh almost all english made cars from the 60's to the 80's were utter shite. (well, apart from rolls royce, bently, etc.) british leyland? moar like shittish fail-and.
     
  9. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2011
    Messages:
    5,393
    Occupation:
    Dead
    The weird thing is that the woman engaged to the guy I borrowed it from was Jewish and from New York City like over 9000 others not from Chicago, South Florida or New England. She refused to ride in the car if it was ever repaired because ZOMG A DANG DIRTY UNCLEAN PIG TOUCHED MY BOIF'S STERLING, he liked that shitbox so much that from what I hear he bought the wreck from the insurance company, picked up another Sterling and swapped parts from the wrecked, not kosher, not halal Sterling onto it.
     
  10. Moscow

    Moscow
    Expand Collapse
    It's not just about football

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    3,910
    Occupation:
    Judging you
    Home Page:
    what the actual fuck? goddamn freakish jewish cunt. lol @ him repairing the damn thing though. tbh you'd have thought he'd just get a better car.
     
  11. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2011
    Messages:
    5,393
    Occupation:
    Dead
    I thought the same. Then again I drove a worse car for 10 years and put a buttload of money into it, especially towing it. This cunt was a fruit loop who made Monica Lewinski look sane and was a dead ringer for Keri Russell other than her fucking nose. (I thought Keri Russell was attractive until I learned that she was a piece of Zionist scum who converted to Mormon later on and most likely had nose surgery, but the "Felicity" era hairstyle should have told me otherwise)

    I heard that they were married in the Bahamas, lived in Atlanta for a while and got divorced. Last thing I know about the whole thing, I hope Miss JAP got the Sterling, some warthog ivory carvings and a few autographed pigskin footballs in the divorce.
     
  12. CallMeMaggot

    CallMeMaggot
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    14,477
    Home Page:
    I had to walk 3km one night on a dark road to arrive to Clarissa's Parlor and that killed my boner

    Besides dat, I don't have :(
     
  13. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,857
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    Once on the bus on the way to the army we had a hawk slam into our windshield.
     
  14. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2011
    Messages:
    5,393
    Occupation:
    Dead
    Did the bus have to be ritually cleansed? Hawks are supposed to be avoided by Jews.
     
  15. Moscow

    Moscow
    Expand Collapse
    It's not just about football

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    3,910
    Occupation:
    Judging you
    Home Page:
    and all owls. owls are definitely unclean.
     
  16. scumhook

    scumhook
    Expand Collapse
    Managing account details

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    20,018
    Occupation:
    Fellator of the homeless
    Home Page:
    I am rather bereft of good roadkill stories. I don't slow down for birds etc, and take a fair bit of satisfaction if I manage to hit one of the feathery cunts. I hate birds. There's something about that satisfying thump when you tag one of the fuckers that just brings a smile to my face.

    I've never hit a roo, and would actively avoid that (wouldn't hit a dog, and probably wouldn't hit a cat either).

    A while back, I was out with a mate in his car, and we came across a dead roo or wallaby. He thought it would be a good idea to do a burnout on the corpse, which (naturally) I endorsed as one of the top 10 ideas of all time. Burnout completed, we drove on.

    Next day he noticed a bit of a smell. After several more days, there was a definite stench in his car. There were many lolz when we realised that the burnout had sprayed bits of dead roo up into the wheel arch, and also into various other hard to clean places. Didn't help that the arse end of his car was rusted as shit and full of holes (into which bits of meat were lodged).

    Being a mate, I immediately told a bunch of other mates. We grabbed beers and went over to his place to help him clean his car laugh at him for being a stupid cunt, and drink beers while watching him curse and pick bits of dead national emblem out of his piece of shit car.

    He never did get it all out. Just had to wait for the smell to fade away.
     
  17. Voodeuxfy

    Voodeuxfy
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    2,198
    Occupation:
    I build cool shit, and investments.
    Home Page:
    The jeep that I drive has the sturdiest bumper, directly attached to the frame. Was made before cars started being built from all that fiberglass bullshit. Hit a deer with it going 85, and was still dragged underneath for about 50 miles before the leg finally detached from the body.
     
  18. uberfukken

    uberfukken
    Expand Collapse
    Rainmaker

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2011
    Messages:
    24,325
    this story would have been way better if you said "hawk missile"
     
  19. uberfukken

    uberfukken
    Expand Collapse
    Rainmaker

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2011
    Messages:
    24,325
    also i dont have roadkill stories because i dont live in the middle of nowhere. worst thing i ever hit was a pothole.