PIMP YOUR TOAST

Discussion in 'Food, Drugs & Alcohol' started by Lloyd, Nov 28, 2011.

  1. Lloyd

    Lloyd
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    [​IMG]
    As you might have noticed, I like to eat. Fortunately, I'm also not too bad a chef so I can more or less prepare any dish my heart fancies, or at least a fairly close imitation.

    But there are those who find cooking a bore, don't have the time or simply can't hack it (and have no girlfriend to do it for them), but still find themselves wanting something other than stale Chinese takeout, bland deep-frozen pizza and greasy mac and cheese, be it for the pleasure of their own palate or to impress potential sex partners.

    To those people I say: "PIMP YOUR TOAST!" These toast-based recipes are so easy an aspie could do them, yet so tasty said aspie's brain would explode from sensory overload.

    All these recipes work best with white bread that has a somewhat sturdy crust so it won't come apart in the pan. Darker, rye-based breads work fine too.

    TOAST ROYALE

    You need:

    -slices of bread
    -white wine, ideally a dry sort
    -caviar
    -salad cream
    -some tangerines (aka mandarins)
    -bleu cheese

    In a heated pan with a LITTLE butter, briefly roast the slices of bread from both sides till they are a light brown and crisp (this should only take few seconds per side). Then, turn down the heat and add white wine, till the bottom of the pan is completely covered by about 2 or so milimeters of wine.

    It will start to boil almost instantly, Soak the slices in the wine, turn them over a couple of times to ensure they are evenly soaked with wine (in short marinate the bread in the wine). When all the wine has evaporated, add more. Do this 2-3 times, and make sure to flip the slices over a lot to keep them from becoming burnt.

    Take the pan off the stove and let the slices dry for a bit (shouldn't take long in the hot pan).

    When they are no longer dripping wet, take the slices out of the pan and thinly spread salad cream on them. Spread the caviar on top of it, serve with bleu cheese and decorate with the tangerine wedges. VoilĂ , you have the toast equivalent of a vintage Rolls-Royce.

    THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS

    You need:

    -bread
    -whiskey, bourbon works best
    -bacon
    -orange or lime marmalade, the really bitter sort

    Do with the bread and the whiskey as with the above recipe, but roast the toast till it's really dark, a little burnt even.
    Fry the bacon, and put it atop of the bourbon-toast slices on which you have spread the marmalade (believe me, it tastes great with the really bitter stuff). Goes great with baked beans.

    Warning: eating this may cause your chest hair to grow!

    ONE FOR THE LADIES

    You need:

    -bread, duh
    -ca. 50 ml of buttermilk
    -a lemon
    -orange juice
    -cocos shavings

    Mix the buttermilk with the juice from the lemon and a dash of orange juice, then do with the mixture and the bread as in the other two recipes. The toast will likely not completely absorb the buttermilk, just pour the remaining fluid over the slices of toast on a plate and sprinkle with cocos shavings.

    Tastes great with vanilla ice cream (or so I'm told).

    SWEET SWEETBACK'S BADASS TOAST

    You need:

    -guess what, bread
    -Coca Cola
    -couverture (that chocolate you use to make chocolate coating for cakes)
    -watermelon, diced

    Same drill as above with the toast and the coke. The toast should get a sugary crust and take on the color of the cola.
    Take the slices out of the pan, melt the couverture in the pan, put the slices back in, turn them over a couple of times until they're covered in chocolate, then take them out again and let the chocolate coating become solid. Serve with diced watermelon.

    A great dessert to have after some fried chicken.
     
  2. Lloyd

    Lloyd
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    bump, eat moar toast
     
  3. CallMeMaggot

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    Girlvinyl

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    A 1 minute cold recipe, impossible to get a easier one:

    You need:
    *Bread ( baguette like, we need crusty bread for this one)
    * anchovies , but of two types: the usual salty ones, like this:

    [​IMG]
    ...and the olive oil & vinegar & garlic marinated ones, like this:

    [​IMG]

    Cover the bread (rather moderately, both those fuckers are tasty...) with 2/5 of the former, and 3/5 of the later

    Enjoy heaven
     
  4. CallMeMaggot

    CallMeMaggot
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    Girlvinyl

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    Maybe you don't have the marinated ones in your country, but there's no problem, they are easy to make:

    INGREDIENTS:
    • 1Kg. of big fresh anchovies
    • Two water glasses of sherry vinegar
    • 4 teaspoons of salt
    • 1 glass of water
    • 3 garlic cloves
    • Well cut parsley
    • Good olive oil
    PREPARATION:
    1. The anchovies have to be deeply washed, getting out both head and bones. Then both sides of the anchovy have to be again washed. Get the water away and prepare in a bowl, the vinegar, the water and the salt stirring well until the salt has dissolved. Then try with one of the anchovy's slices, placing it into the liquid. If it floats right in the middle it means that the mixture of salt and vinegar is well done. If it floats on the surface has too much salt. If it sinks has too much vinegar. Once the mixture is well done, all the anchovies come to the bowl. Then the bowl has to be covered and let into the fridge from 24 to 48 hours.
    2. Before serving them, they have to be slightly rinsed in cold water, placed in a dish and covered with lots of small pieces of garlic, the chopped parsley and the olive oil. Let them marinate a couple hours.
     
  5. Lloyd

    Lloyd
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    I'm always eager to try new recipes, methinks I know what to eat for dinner tomorrow.
     
  6. CallMeMaggot

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    Girlvinyl

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    The problem is, you need a couple of days in the fridge, to kill any possible anisakis, it's raw fish after all...

    After that, you have more or less a week to eat them, before their texture starts to become too soft.
    If you keep them in the fridge with the olive oil and the garlic, they get tastier and tastier. Slurp...!

    Mate, if I ever return to Germany, we need to have a culinary session

    Or if you come to Spain...
     
  7. Lloyd

    Lloyd
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    international cuisine for the win... we'll make sauerkraut paella
     
  8. CallMeMaggot

    CallMeMaggot
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    Girlvinyl

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    Holy jumping mother o' god in a side-car with chocolate jimmies and a lobster bib!

    There are gugle hits even for that! lol

    (bonus points for getting the quote)
     
  9. Lloyd

    Lloyd
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    That quote... it's from some LucasArts Adventure, I think? Monkey Island maybe...?
     
  10. CallMeMaggot

    CallMeMaggot
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    Girlvinyl

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    Sam & Max

    If you like point&clik adventures, you have to try those, all of them are quite funny

    I'm just finishing the last one, "The Devil's Playbox", and enjoying it very much
     
  11. Moscow

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    It's not just about football

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    The bacon and whiskey toast sounds pretty amazing. might have to try that actually.
     
  12. darren

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    To be fair the amount of work in those recipes isn't much less than a lot of other dishes.

    I only eat toast when im hungover so the greatest amount of attention it'll get will be butter and cheese.

    Some of them look interesting though.
     
  13. Akula

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    Sandwich of Gods
    Ingredients needed...
    1. Peanut Butter
    2. Marshmallow Fluff
    3. White Bread
    Take a butterknife, and slowly spread the peanut butter onto one slice of white bread. Take another butterknife and spread the marshmallow fluff onto the other.
    Slam those things together.
    Boom. Deliciousness.
    It's the best with Reeses Peanut Butter.
     
  14. Andria Kilgore

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    ..You need FLUFF, FLUFF, FLUFF, to make a Fluffernutter! Marshmallow fluff, and lots of peanut butter...
    (anyone born after 1980 or so will not remember this jingle, think it was for Mondelez Kraft marshmallow fluff)

    I like to put brown mustard, liver sausage, raw red onion and paprika on rye or pumpernickle toast, or smoked salmon (Scottish salmon or Gravlax is the best, fuck the overrated Alaskan shit to hell), Neufchatel cheese, chopped dill pickle and white onion on wheat toast.
     
  15. Whatever

    Whatever
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    Oh, I thought this thread was about altering our toast ala
    [​IMG]
    Don't I feel silly now.
     
  16. oddguy

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  17. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    If I'm pimping my toast does that mean I have to give it a pimp slap every time it doesn't give me my dough?

    :groucho:
     
  18. Brokentoaster

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    Toast
    Everyone knows white bread is the whory-est of all the world's foodstuffs. I pip my toast out nearly everday to bacon and lunch meat. Niggas how'd yo think I make so much bling when ahm a motha fukken broken ass toaster? Yo niggas jus dunt think. Ets cause ya'll niggas!

    Also the Satan Toaster is cooler. It's a mini hell portal-- toasts bread with the heat from the very depths of hell itself.