Onideus Cooks!

Discussion in 'Food, Drugs & Alcohol' started by Onideus, Sep 24, 2013.

Encyclopedia Dramatica Forums
A very friendly community
  1. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    This thread is all about *ME* (like all threads I post in), because I'm just so gosh darn awesome! So yes, this thread is all about weird, off the wall, hipsterish style cooking shenanigans that I get into.

    Having a limitless, bottomless well of creativity means I'm constantly coming up with new...well, EVERY-FUCKING-THING, including foodzes, so in this thread I'll post some of the stuffs I've made...with pretty pictures too! :D

    I'll do like one a week, instead of all at once, kinda pace things out a bit. Okay, first up... mmm... how about "Taco Iddy Bits"...

    !!!Taco Bits - 01 & 02 - Small.

    They're just tacos! :D

    Except BITE SIZED! These are constructed using Tostitos "Scoops"...ya know, the chips. You can use other kinds of chips too, for example DORITOS work pretty good. Sorta like nacho/taco hybrids.

    Mmmm, this is one of my favored creative forms with cooking by the by, that is, miniaturization. I like taking every day foods and recreating iddy bitty bite sized versions of them.... cause... uh... fuck if I know, it's fun? *shrugs*
     
    • OP is a Faggot OP is a Faggot x 5
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  2. tokumei

    tokumei
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2012
    Messages:
    743
    Occupation:
    Sea Lawyer
    YAWN. That looks like a simple recipe you'd get off the Tostitos bag.
     
  3. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    Who do you think GAVE it to them, numbnuts? LOL

    They only gave me free coupons though in exchange, the filthy Jew bastards. I suppose that's better than Hormel though, they usually don't give me jack fucking shit except for a "Thanks for the feedback!" ...and then plaster my ideas all over their products. I don't give them anything anymore...fuck them!
     
  4. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    No, seriously though, FUCK HORMEL...cheap ass bastards...

    !!!!Not Even A Coupon.
     
  5. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    Here's the original image:
    !!!!Ice Cream Masterpiece.
     
  6. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    Mmmm, if you're wondering what the BEST company is...it's Carl's fucking Junior...

    !!!!Carl's Junior Gift Card.

    I got ~that~ just for sending them ~this~ two paragraph e-mail...

    I read your press release regarding the "McHype" and, I'm sorry, but no. You've made a mistake. The burgers at Carl's Jr. are simply too good to even bother acknowledging McDonalds, or any other fast food burger joint for that matter. The lessers like McDonalds can throw out as many cheap imitations as they like, try whatever little marketing gimmicks they can, but at the end of the day they're all just shoveling out soggy, squished and slightly microwaved cardboard burgers that have likely been sitting in a heat bin for 10 or more minutes.

    Carl's Jr. simply cannot be compared to that, not even on the most fundamental level. A Carl's Jr. burger isn't simply food, it's an experience. A mouthgasm that literally molests your taste buds with pure epic awesome incarnate. It is beyond any level of comparison. Those like McDonalds are not fooling anyone with more than three brain cells and, simply put, you should not even take the bother to acknowledge their existence in any of your ads or marketing endeavors. Quite frankly they don't deserve the recognition nor importance to even be mentioned in the same sentence as Carl's Jr.


    ...I mean, I didn't even give them any directly relevant marketing ideas/forms and they ~still~ gave me twenty five fuckin bucks in free food "just because"...how gawd damn awesome is THAT!
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Dislike Dislike x 1
    • List
  7. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    If you're unimpressed with that miniaturized meal of Moulton mastery then perhaps I should...up the ante. I think perhaps it would be best to provide something that will ~literally~ RAPE your taste buds...yes, yes I think so. Let's try ~this~ little number...

    !!!!Flank Steak - Small.

    My "Teriyaki Beef Steak" (need to come up with a better name), it is, quite frankly, GOD LEVEL!

    But don't take my word for it, try it yourself, it's not that complicated to make:

    Marinade
    -----------
    2 Tablespoons Oil
    2 Tablespoons Teriyaki Marinade
    3 Tablespoons Cooking Sherry
    2 Tablespoons cornstarch
    1 Tablespoon Sugar

    Mix all ingredients together in small, deep bowl and whisk. Add thin slices/strips of meat* into the marinade and refrigerate for a few hours.

    Put entire mixture into HOT frying pan and stir fry until meat is browned. Serve with rice (Calrose rice is best).

    *Frozen flank steak sliced thin tastes best, but you can pretty much use any kind of beef, in fact if you have lesser/tough/tasteless meat it's a great way to make it worthwhile so you don't have to throw it out.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Dislike Dislike x 1
    • List
  8. uberfukken

    uberfukken
    Expand Collapse
    Rainmaker

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2011
    Messages:
    24,836
    "taco"

    Cheddar cheese and an olive

    ok
     
  9. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    No, no, no...first you put a dab of frijoles (refried beans) in the bottom, then you put a dab of taco meat (use whatever seasoning packet/mix/recipe you like) and THEN put on the cheese, tomato and olive. Mmm, I also usually serve it with Rice-a-Roni Mexican rice mix (never get the Spanish mix, it tastes like ass), usually topped with some fresh cilantro.
     
  10. uberfukken

    uberfukken
    Expand Collapse
    Rainmaker

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2011
    Messages:
    24,836
    This my friend, is not a taco:

    [​IMG]


    This is a taco:

    [​IMG]


    I'd say what you got there is a Nacho Bite
     
  11. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    Well, just stick that onto the chip. Whatever you like...beef, beans, steak, rice, cilantro, onions, etc...just chop it up into tiny bits and carefully construct the miniaturized versions.

    You can't usually get tacos like that though unless you make them yourself, not unless you go downtown and find the "taco truck guy" (I'm sure most towns have one or more). If you order tacos in any other restaurant they're pretty much always gonna be "American style" (unless maybe you live in California).

    The traditional ones though like you posted are often severely LACKING in flavor (hence the reason they have it molested with cilantro).
     
  12. uberfukken

    uberfukken
    Expand Collapse
    Rainmaker

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2011
    Messages:
    24,836
    I'm in Chicago, there's a taqueria on every corner. Regardless, this is about homemade food.

    Behold, the uberfukken rape burrito

    2lb of thinly sliced chicken breast
    chop up:
    1 bell pepper
    1 red pepper
    1 orange pepper
    1 gypsie pepper
    3 jalapeno peppers
    1 habanero pepper
    half a white onion

    Throw the chicken on the skillet with some vegie oil till it's nice and not pink.

    Add the peppers and skillet that shit for half an hour, stir occasionally.

    Heat up a can of refried beans. Heat up a couple flour tortillas. Smear some bean on the tortilla, slap on some skillet, and coat the edges with sour cream and wrap that fucker up.

    You'll be shittin' fire in no time.
     
  13. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    I'll probably forgo the habanero, I'm way too white to handle that level of spicy awesomeness.
     
  14. uberfukken

    uberfukken
    Expand Collapse
    Rainmaker

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2011
    Messages:
    24,836
    It adds a nice zing, but the jalapenos are what carries the flavor
     
  15. SuicideKing

    SuicideKing
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Messages:
    994
    Occupation:
    Planning a school shooting because muh feelings.
     
  16. minty

    minty
    Expand Collapse
    toymaker

    Joined:
    May 6, 2012
    Messages:
    7,819
    i teared up reading this... jesus fuck is your stomach made out of lead?
     
  17. Cobalt

    Cobalt
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2013
    Messages:
    6,367
    Occupation:
    Meowing
    No, @uberfukken 's stomach has a healthy layer of semen insulating its inside.
     
  18. tokumei

    tokumei
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2012
    Messages:
    743
    Occupation:
    Sea Lawyer
    .......

    lol ok? I only guessed there was a recipe there, and that it'd be unimpressively simple, then you take credit for said imaginary boring recipe. err.. Nice. :confused:
     
  19. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    Oh they didn't? I don't actually know if there is or not, but ~usually~ companies use my ideas when I send them to em. I did e-mail them about it though a number of years ago...several other companies too actually. Not all of them take the ideas directly though. For example when I e-mailed Doritos and asked them if they could make a "scoop" style chip for my mini-taco form they turned around three months later with ~this~ lil number...

    [​IMG]

    ...which, really wasn't what I had in mind...especially cause I'm not too keen on Taco Bell in general.

    I understand your ignorance though, most people in general aren't aware that most companies *DO* in fact listen to their customers and *WILL* take advice (provided you're not a complete blithering idiot).

    Some of my stuff is for trolling/fun/entertainment though, like nyah:
    !!!!Mike And Ike E-Mail.
     
  20. uberfukken

    uberfukken
    Expand Collapse
    Rainmaker

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2011
    Messages:
    24,836
  21. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    When you own your own domain you can actually make up ANY e-mail addy you like on the fly and have them default into a main/system account. It's REALLY great as far as SPAM tracking and seeing who is selling your personal information off to others, since the only person who should ever be using ~that~ exact e-mail addy is them and no one else.

    And if you do start getting spam then you can just easily block out that addy for future use. It's also especially handy for creating an infinite number of accounts on messages boards, sites and so forth...although in the past some slightly smarter admins have taken to banning out ~entire~ domains that I've owned to try and keep me out.
     
  22. uberfukken

    uberfukken
    Expand Collapse
    Rainmaker

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2011
    Messages:
    24,836
    Yes I know, I have a few domains.

    I just thought that was a nice touch
     
  23. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    *does a quick search*

    ...son of a bitch...

    [​IMG]

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/20/mike-ike-geting-back-together_n_2885982.html

    :confused:

    Apparently even when you're ~joking~ they'll listen to you. Took them long enough though, I think I sent that original message back in late 2011, although I guess they've been making some kind of big advertising campaign out of it.

    *sigh*

    See what I mean? A lot of times they'll take your good ideas and then just go all stupid/crazy with them...uh...well, okay I was being stupid/crazy in the e-mail, but still.
     
  24. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    I should probably go back through some of my older stuff and see what else has come to fruition. It would be nice if *MOAR* people would do it, cause we'd get better stuff. Like I said, companies *WILL* listen to you, they actually ~pay~ people to do nothing ~but~ that on a daily basis. There's not much excuse either cause most companies have uber easy contact forms right on their site.

    Some stuff turns out sad though...like with those self-heating drinks, the lady I talked with on the phone said their idiot investors wound up screwing them over and now they're locked into an ongoing legal quagmire that probably won't be resolved until sometime next decade.

    Oh, also, they'll often tell concerned customers stuff that they WON'T readily tell the press, especially if you kind of "sweet talk" them. So often times if there's some big controversy concerning some product you like it's best to skip the news and just go straight to the source to find out what's really going on.
     
  25. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
  26. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,931
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    I can hardly resist the urge to edit-out one of the O's in this thread's title...
     
  27. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    Onideus Coks?

    I don't get it.
     
  28. Cobalt

    Cobalt
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2013
    Messages:
    6,367
    Occupation:
    Meowing
     
  29. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,931
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:

    Looks sort of like "Cocks".
    ...
    I'm mature.
     
  30. Onideus

    Onideus
    Expand Collapse
    Taking Down ED

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,715
    Occupation:
    God of demons.
    Sooo..."Onideus Cocks"...I still don't get it. Do some people have more than one? If so I think I got seriously gyped!

    I WANT MY EXTRA COCKS GAWD DAMMIT!!!1!

    :confused:

    On another note, let's talk about what I'm cooking today! I got some fresh green beans, some honey/smokey/magical bacon and with their powers combined I shall bring forth BACON GREEN BEANS!!!

    !!!Green Beans Bacon.

    ...yeah, yeah, name needs work.