OK, this one goes out to all y'all on here who have served in the armed forces, no matter if you've seen actual deployment or not. I bet you have some funny stories, it comes with the job (or some PSD stories, those are an entertaining read as well). A thread @TheDude2894 made had me reminiscing about my time in the Bundeswehr (the whole 9 months, lol), which consisted of laughably little actual duty and lots of intoxication, because they had no use for the conscripts and didn't want to give us any chances to mess anything up or invest any unnecessary time and energy in our training (they abolished the draft a year ago, wisely). Anyway, here's a little copypasta from that thread: And another story I like: adjacent to our base was an airfield, for transport planes (I guess so the tanks stationed at our base could be flown elsewhere). And a guy I'd befriended in basic training was in a unit part of whose duty it was to patrol the perimeter of the airfield at night (why is beyond me, the base was in Aurich, close to the Dutch border, so hardly a high-threat environment). Anyway, adjacent to the path around the field was a meadow where some farmer's cattle would graze, among them a steer. The steer was an aggressive mofo by all accounts, my buddy said he'd come to the thin wire fence and then walk alongside you, snorting and eyeing you. The path between the meadow fence and the airfield fence was only like a meter wide, so the beast would often come too close for comfort, I imagine that must've been pretty unnerving. So one night, they hear from the airfield perimeter and of course everyone is pretty surprised/excited and they check it out. Turns out one of the patrols had finally lost his nerve and emptied his clip into the animal. It was supposedly all ripped up, with the guts coming out of the belly and all that good stuff. The farmer apparently filed a complaint and was compensated. And then there was the guy who, on the farewell party on our last day of service shat in one of the big trophies awarded to the company for successes in military sports and the like, a big gold bowl with a lid. He managed to get ahold of the key to the trophy cabinet, took the trophy out, the lid off, took a dump in the bowl, put the lid back on and put it back in the cabinet while we distracted the officers. It looked no different than before the deed, and sadly we weren't around to witness the outcome, but damn did I find it funny at the time. Anyway, I'm sure there are better stories to be had from EDiots who did more than just pretend to be a soldier for nine moths like I did. Tell 'em here.