"Nice Guys Always Come Last", the mating call of faggots.

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by MedicalParrot, Jan 4, 2013.

  1. MedicalParrot

    MedicalParrot
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    So a friend of mine likes some girl but he's always crying about how she likes him and another guy and I DON'T WANT HER TO BE UNHAPPY BAWWWWW BUT I WANT TO BE HAPPY TOO, and he's giving up now because apparently nice guys come last and girls only like girl bashers and junkies.

    Can someone explain to me how the fuck that makes sense?
     
  2. SquatMeatThrust

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    You know a girl may like a bad dude at first but I tell you later when she matures, she will start thinking that maybe her boyfriend who doesn't have: a stable job (besides selling coke from the back of his sedan) or he his constant drunkardness landing him in the drunk tank everynight is not the best choice.
     
  3. Solution

    Solution
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    Everyone is boring

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    pd.
     
  4. $$Trooper

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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    I can't explain how this happens but i can tell you how you can fix it.
    Get drunk every night and beat him, in the morning you must belittle him as much as possible.
    Eventually you will have created a manly man OR cause him to have a psychotic episode.
     
  5. MedicalParrot

    MedicalParrot
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    I've tried being nice and sympathetic these past few weeks because OH NO MEDICAL PARROT, DON'T BE A MEANY.

    For the past hour, I've been telling him to man the fuck up or move on. I told him he obviously doesn't like the kid if he's being a faggot and getting sad because they're not planning their wedding together. I told him that he's practically GIVING the girl to the other guy she likes and congratulated him for being so nice.

    Now he's talking about giving her a back massage, just the two of them, in his room, on his bed...

    And then she left to rejoin the party.

    What the fuck. How does someone possibly fuck that up!?
     
  6. Bottom Feeder

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    Girlvinyl

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  7. MrGask

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    But by that time she will already be married to the fucker and have several childrens with him.

    OP, your friend is a faggot. You could send him to one of those camps where the counselors bugger you until you are strait, or you could just perform the ritual yourself. Tell your friend no woman is ever going to put him first until he puts himself first. Then slap him. Hard. Repeatedly. Until he starts crying. Then call him a pussy and slap him some more until he stops crying. Then tell him to sack the fuck up and become a better choice than this other dude. Then kick him in the dick and call him a faggot for good measure.
     
  8. MrGask

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    You and I should start a life coaching business.
     
  9. MedicalParrot

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    I tried to give a motivational speech but that didn't work. I told him to man the fuck up or he would always be second best. Didn't work. I told him he'd be alone for the rest of his life until he grows a pair of fucking balls and does shit even when he's scared for whatever pathetic reason. Still went straight over his head.

    Fucking hell. Faggots, man.
     
  10. MedicalParrot

    MedicalParrot
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    I even tried to use enzymes as an example, hoping that'd make more sense to his hopeless arse. OH I DUN WANNA HEAR IT I IS FAGGOT.

    I think I'll just pay another old friend of mine some money to turn Faggot Maximus gay. At least his gaping arse will match his personality, haha!
     
  11. $$Trooper

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    Good idea, beating the sissy out of Beta males.
    "Man the fuck up or we will hit you again!"

    You can't reason with a Beta MedicalParrot, they are effeminate defeatists, a product of lifetime movies, overbearing mothers and fake homosexuality.
    Put some SAP gloves on and hit him in the face.
    Call him a sissy man-baby while you are at it.
     
  12. SquatMeatThrust

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    I like to call them BetaVirginous.
     
  13. MedicalParrot

    MedicalParrot
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    Okay, so now he's crying because he asked her to hug him and she said no. So now he's talking about how he's the only person that has ever felt like this. It took him an hour of my abuse and his betafailures to fucking realise that he shouldn't give all his fucks to everyone else, lol.

    He's still a fucking useless beta.
     
  14. Solution

    Solution
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    Everyone is boring

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    images (1).
     
  15. $$Trooper

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    Oh holy tapdancing Hitler, are you sure he isn't hardcore bottom gay?
    Is he drunk? or retarded? Is he a hipster or a goth?

    Where do you find these people?
    Seriously, this person is so fucking beta, take a picture of this weepy bitch so we can correctly determine how many beatings it will take to turn him Notgay.

    Sounds like it, good luck sleeping though his ABLOO BLOO BLOOS!
     
  16. SquatMeatThrust

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    That boy needs to get laid and have some skooma, stat!
     
  17. MrGask

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    It must be accompanied by physical beatings, or it is just wasted breath.

    On the real, if the PD has not become involved, he has not tried hard enough.
     
  18. $$Trooper

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    .... you best be trolling nigger.
     
  19. SquatMeatThrust

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    Yeah I think he's riding on the wizard train.
     
  20. MedicalParrot

    MedicalParrot
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    He's drunk. At a party. On Facebook. Talking to me.

    He's not goth, but he tries hard. He has a tattoo of Sasuke's "Curse Mark" from Naruto, and got snake bite piercings yesterday while wearing his bondage pants to impress the little girl (she's 15, he is 21) that wouldn't hug him tonight.

    I used to greet him with, "HELLO, MY KNIFE-WIELDING FRIEND!" because his Skype photo is him holding a knife, looking at it, pondering silently whether or not to cut off his balls and tape them to his head.

    This is a guy I used to go to highschool with. I only recently started talking to him again because I want more meat shields. Also because I feel sorry for him and if his drink got spiked by someone trying to get me, it'd put him out of his beta misery.
     
  21. Fraud Based Economy

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    Well there's a surefire recipe for a permavirgin cockblock if I ever saw one. Tell him that some weirdo on the internet sarcastically wishes him good luck on finding gainful employment after doing that shit to his face.
     
  22. $$Trooper

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    :picard:
    Holy fucking shit.
    just... fuck me, he can't be real, no one who isn't a preteen sperglord does those things.
    Please tell me he isn't real.
     
  23. SquatMeatThrust

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    Hey only 9 more years to wizard status!
     
  24. MedicalParrot

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    I shit you not. This guy is real and he is the biggest fucking faggot I have ever met. Hanging around with him makes me feel like an alpha, and enables me to pick up a few chicks sometimes. I'M NOT EVEN A GUY. I DON'T EVEN.
    I said to him I'd take him out for some drinks next week to take his mind off it and he's all, PLEASE, NOT RIGHT NOW. LEAVE ME IN MY MISERY.

    Now I know why he's everyone's unwilling wingman, why he's always second best (*cough* last *cough*), why he tries and fails to get with little kids instead of fellow adults.
     
  25. MedicalParrot

    MedicalParrot
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    I know it should've been obvious, lol. A few mutual friends of mine were talking about how he's always doing shit like that and I thought, "Nah, that can't be right. Surely, surely no one can surpass Chris-chan's faggotry."
     
  26. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    I feel so sorry for you for having met this person.
     
  27. MrGask

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    The plot thicks.

    This is just making me sad now. How you gonna cry over some split tail.
     
  28. MedicalParrot

    MedicalParrot
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    He reckons he likes her a lot. I think she's just a rebound girl. His last relationship ended a few weeks ago with a 16-year old.

    Both reckon they were raped at age 12. Both are try-hard faggots (quote from both: "I try really hard to be different even if I don't like it because, like, I want to be noticed"), both "cut" themselves/trip-over-and-call-it-cutting, both reckon they have tight vaginas, despite all the cawk they try to hide in there.

    My spidey senses are tingling.
     
  29. MrGask

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    You friend could greatly benefit from the counseling services of $$Trooper, Gask, and Progeny. We recommend the Deep Impact therapy course.
     
  30. MedicalParrot

    MedicalParrot
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    I think he's beyond help. We'll have to put him down for his own good.