My ass

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Sugar Bombs, Oct 30, 2012.

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What should I do?

  1. go to the doctor, retard

    44.0%
  2. suicide

    36.0%
  3. have sex with Manicute

    28.0%
  4. pretend it's not there, it might go away in time

    32.0%
  5. tie a rubber band around it and wait until it falls off

    20.0%
  6. stop posting stories about your damaged asshole

    24.0%
  7. have less anal

    52.0%
  8. look at pictures of kittens and listen to whalesongs

    28.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Sugar Bombs

    Sugar Bombs
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    Daddy

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    So, about two weeks ago, I had a few too many drinks. They were fucking terrible, too. Bunch of "old-fashioneds" that were so sour they made my pubes curl. The next day, I didn't properly hydrate, so when I took a shit, it literally made my asshole bleed. :(

    Now there is a lump next to it. Not sure when it showed up, as I don't normally play around with my shitter, but I felt it when I was in the shower last night.
    I'm pretty sure it's a HEMORRHOID, or an anal fissure, from raping my butt with a heinous shit.

    I tried to read up on it, saw the words "surgery" and "rubber band" etc, and stopped reading.

    Should I cut it off?
    Or go to the doctor?
    Am I going to have an anal prolapse and die?
    Will I ever find out @Funky man 's true identity?

    Tune in next week for another episode of Sugar Bombs' Fucked Up Life Stories.
     
  2. gert7

    gert7
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    EDF Elite

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    lol butts
     
  3. MrGask

    MrGask
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    #FreeGask

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    Where is the "Post picture of it in the Yearbook" option? I vote for that one.
     
  4. oddguy

    oddguy
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    The Prime Memeister

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    Do NOT try to pop that thing.
    Please just go to a fucking doctor about it before it gets infected or something.

    Also, post pix.
    We are all highly trained proctologists and can tell you what should do next by looking at your ass.
    (Someone was bound to make a post like this anyway, it might as well be me.)
     
  5. Sugar Bombs

    Sugar Bombs
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    Daddy

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    I can't pop it, it's made of blood vessels, not pus.
    I think. I'm not even sure what it is. It's tiny, especially compared to pictures I've seen.
    ...OH MY GOD what if it's a tiny head like Leela had on her ass in Futurama
    Or like Kuato from Total Recall
     
  6. oddguy

    oddguy
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    The Prime Memeister

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    Go
    To
    The
    DOCTOR!
     
  7. Zozmal

    Zozmal
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    EDF Elite

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    cut if off, skin the flesh, salt the wounds.
     
  8. Sugar Bombs

    Sugar Bombs
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    Daddy

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    It's my ass, not deer jerky
    Although I guess being German, I understand your confusion
    [​IMG]
     
  9. Harpoons

    Harpoons
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    Fissure of Man

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    Well obviously your very first priority should be to tell EDF about the boil on your anus, and it looks like you've got that covered. I'm all out of ideas then.
     
  10. Sugar Bombs

    Sugar Bombs
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    Daddy

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    I like to share the fun.
     
  11. oddguy

    oddguy
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    The Prime Memeister

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    Do you want me to kiss it better?
     
  12. bling bling

    bling bling
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    Dramacrat

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    you have sanser
     
  13. scumhook

    scumhook
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    Managing account details

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    I can't believe I was the only one who said you should fuck Mani. It's the obv choice.

    Then kill yourself.

    Then post YB anus pics from the next world (might need Ricey's help with this one - borrow the great conciousness's email or whatever).

    And LOL. "OPEN YOURRRR ANNNUUUUUSSS, OOOPPPPEEENN YOURRRR ANNUUUUSSSSS"
     
  14. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Wow. I opened this thread expecting something special but I ended up with the wrong kind of special.

    Stay classy, SB.
     
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  15. Sugar Bombs

    Sugar Bombs
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    Daddy

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    I figured the overly-qualified medical staff at EDF could help me out.
    Reported :D
     
  16. uberfukken

    uberfukken
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    Rainmaker

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    [​IMG]
     
  17. Funky man

    Funky man
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    Dramacrat

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    U nneeD 2 SHAKKE ur bootY 2 FFFunky musIC & Tha sickk WILL falll OFf U.
    :D
    :D
    :D
    qweqd :D
     
  18. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    Smoke Crack
    Worship Satan.
     
  19. darren

    darren
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    Dramacrat

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    Get some cream, push it back in and clench really hard. Often not permanent.
    Do push it back in though.
     
  20. gert7

    gert7
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    EDF Elite

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    Kill yourself.

    WOO 300 POSTS.
     
  21. Massgrav

    Massgrav
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    EDF Elite

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    This is what happens when you lack proper anal training. This is why you should take it up the ass, girls!
    Learn something from this.
     
  22. Sugar Bombs

    Sugar Bombs
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    Daddy

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    @The Member Formerly Known As Baya Rae 4900
    Faqu hypocrite
     
  23. MedicalParrot

    MedicalParrot
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    Pffffft

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    It's just a haemorrhoid. You can buy a cream from pharmacies that shrink it back into your shitter. If the problem persists and you still bleed, even when you poo normally, you'll have to get a doctor to check it.

    It's not dangerous, though.
     
  24. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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  25. MedicalParrot

    MedicalParrot
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    Pffffft

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    Oh yeah
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    If that is aimed at me, I go into detail if it is necessary... usually.
     
  26. Sugar Bombs

    Sugar Bombs
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    Daddy

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    By the way, no jokes about being butthurt?
    Really guys. I am ashamed of all of you.
     
  27. Dr. Rice

    Dr. Rice
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    Girlvinyl

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    @Sugar Bombs this is what you get for not showing me more pictures of your buttocks!
     
  28. Zozmal

    Zozmal
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    EDF Elite

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    We're not meme spouting faggots, if you want that go on IRC.
     
  29. TheBrickBalls

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    Girlvinyl

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  30. beefrave

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    Intergalactic Internets Services LLC

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    its a anal fissure. or you just hurt yer butthole alil when you took that man sized shit. yer all good.
    gross though . but ok .