masturbation techniques

Discussion in 'Locker Room Talk' started by Weezus Christ, Apr 27, 2013.

  1. Weezus Christ

    Weezus Christ
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    so some girls like to use cucumbers or whatever.

    what i like to do is open a kraft single while one half is still stuck to the wrapper and
    i wrap the open cheesy side against my penis, then i masturbate using the slick clear
    plastic as a type of dry lube. as my jack off session gets faster the friction also makes it
    get hotter until the cheese melts and drips all over my nutsack.

    ive thought pretty long and hard about this and id like to copyright the idea and make some kind masturbatory version of the snuggie except with more cheese and cocks. maybe calling it something whimsickle like the snookie. it has pleasant sexual connotations right?

    so how have you guys innovated the fine art of mastubration?
     
  2. uberfukken

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    i'm not even going to try topping that. anything i say will look like a shell in comparison.

    [​IMG]
     
  3. Raab

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    I'd call it Fonduing or Mac & Cheesing It. Snooki sounds more like something horrific you would do with two or more partners that would involve prolapse, felching and tears of anguish.

    I don't have any innovative fapping techniques myself :C
     
  4. Solution

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    Everyone is boring

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    You're a visionary!

    Someday I would like to use the ole mistake maker as a butter churn.
     
  5. Popcorn

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    lightly salted

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  6. Weezus Christ

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    "dick cheese" will take on a fresh new meaning with my proto-erotic masturbation technique
     
  7. uberfukken

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  8. Raab

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  9. OMGCoolUsernameBro

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    I should try this soon.
     
  10. Likeicare

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    EDF is my hugbox

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    you sir, are a pioneer
     
  11. Khanzer

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  12. Raab

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    Only for the unfortunate faggot who chokes on those while sucking his dick.
     
  13. Popcorn

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    lightly salted

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    What's masturbation without a little danger?
     
  14. Ktastic

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  15. ge5undhe17

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  16. CallMeMaggot

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  17. Milwin

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    2013 Faggot of the Year

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  18. uberfukken

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  19. BMO

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    I'm mo liu for posting on urbandictionary.com
     
  20. SquatMeatThrust

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    The best masturbation technique is when OPs mother opens her mouth to spray your load all over her.
     
  21. BMO

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    Rara, I LOVE YOU. (need I say more)
     
  22. oddguy

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    I pour gasoline down my urethra and bust my load at a candle.
    That way I can pretend I can cum balls of flame.
     
  23. Popcorn

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    I'm going to try that.
     
  24. oddguy

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  25. Thatdamnnigger

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    One thing I sometimes do is to take these cardboard rolls or whatever they're called, you know the thing that remains after you used all the toilet paper.
    I stuff it with that strange paper you find in shoes when you buy them and then I add bubble wrap or whatever it's called. I then add adhesive tapes, to obtain that result:

    [​IMG]


    I put my dick in it, the tip goes out by the other way. I fap vigorously using the tube as my hand. Sometimes I place a vaccum at the tip of my fap cylinder, attached with ductape.

    Don't ask me why, but I love the crinkly feeling/noise of the paper inside yet it's completely soft and everything because of the bubble wrap.
     
  26. Popcorn

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    I really want to try that now, but my penis is too thick to fit into a toilet paper roll tube.

    Dammit.
     
  27. uberfukken

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    not to mention the length of a toilet roll tube is like... 3 inches? i'd recommend ditching the tube, lubing up the bubble wrap and a couple rounds of duct tape to hold it in place. also cap it off with an inflated balloon because the pressure might be enough to keep you from ejaculating
     
  28. Nouble Digger

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    Or one could stop posting on EDF, snap out of their teenage misanthropy, and then proceed to successfully court and have sex with another person.

    Only a suggestion, I haven't done that, nor intend to do it. Your idea is just as good.
     
  29. Dildo Baggins

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    This. Everytime
     
  30. Dildo Baggins

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    [​IMG]
    My dickcheese is better than yours