Man sets himself on fire, dies, in argument about cereal.

Discussion in 'News' started by zaiger, Jan 7, 2012.

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  1. zaiger

    zaiger
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    2017 Faggot Of The Year

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    Sauce: http://www.wxyz.com/dpp/news/region/detroit/police-firefighters-respond-to-man-on-fire-in-detroit

    Setting yourself on fire is part of a balanced breakfast. At least in Detroit it is.
     
  2. oddguy

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    hahahahaha oh my god !
    This the best news ever !
     
  3. Atomic_Joe

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    Joevahkiin

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    Wow!

    THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SOME FUCKING GOOD ASS CEREAL.
     
  4. MrGask

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    He probably figured it was going to happen eventually anyway considering the location.

    the sauce has gone off
     
  5. Ghost People

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    At last he's in a better place

    Hell
     
  6. Squall741

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    At least he's going to get used to the fire.
     
  7. MrGask

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    #FreeGask

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    But you know what they say about hell; it's not the fire, it's the brimstone.
     
  8. Whatever

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    @zaiger can you repost the link? For some reason I get linked to nothing.
     
  9. zaiger

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  10. Whatever

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    EDF Elite

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    "He apparently lit himself on fire by the stove in front of his siblings."

    I don't think it was just about the cereal. His mom took his sister's side FOR THE LAST TIME, and I guess he felt the only logical way to get back at his siblings was to burn himself alive in order to traumatize them.
     
  11. Lloyd

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    He omitted the step where you shoot your family, obvious noob.
     
  12. Baya Rae 4900

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    Lots of pent up anger there. Lots of pent up frustration. Could be constipated? Must remember to investigate further.
     
  13. swishy

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    Jeez, I thought people slamming their fist into walls over pent-up frustration was a little too extreme.
     
  14. zaiger

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    2017 Faggot Of The Year

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    Did everyone enjoy my clever-as-fuck shoop in the OP?
     
  15. Seku

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    I know exactly what happened.

    The previous night, PornHub was offline. A little annoyed, but nothing to get angry over. Then you drag himself to bed, only to discover that your retarded dog pissed all over your sheets. Now you're mad, but it wasn't the dog's fault, after all, you're the one who should've let out. Or was it your sister? Now you're going to sleep mad and confused. Never a good thing. You have a mild nightmare, and wake up at 5:35. Not early enough to go back to sleep, but still not enough sleep to feel well-rested. You throw off the covers and shuffle to the shower. Job interview today. You're only qualified for an office job at a failing glue factory. Your mother's threatening to kick you out of the house unless you get a real job (that bicycle soy milk delivery business didn't work out so well). You almost wouldn't mind, as your sister and your mother seem to synchronize their menstrual cycles, besides being bitchy enough in the first place, except you can't afford any type of housing. You turn the handle for the shower, and the water's boiling. Hot as fuck. You fall over in pain, and still in pain as the lava continues to rain down on you. Hurt almost to the point of tears, you grasp at the handle, and turn the water off. You decide to skip the shower. You begin to shave, and halfway through, you completely forget how to handle a razor. Your slicing your face off left and right. By the time your done, you look like a homicide victim, and there's still patches of hair left on your mutilated face. You quickly wash up. Luckily, you got through brushing your teeth without any misfortune. You get dressed. Your fucking mother forgot to cycle the laundry, so your clothes have been sitting in the washer for 13 hours. They probably smell like stale cheese and mildew. You settle for it. You burn your hand on the iron though. You make your way to the kitchen, where you mother and sister are waiting.
    Your sister is eating Honey Smacks. Disgusting. You start to argue about diabetes and obesity. Your mother says it's "not that big of a deal". You're about to slap her in the face, but she's your mother. Yes.

    She's supposed to make you feel better, not more like the piece of shit you are. Instead, after all the SHIT you're going through in all aspects of your life, she decides to but a brick on your purse and take you sister's side. No. You will not take this. Your life is shitty. It's not going anywhere. You are ugly. You live in Detroit. You are poor. You might as well kill yourself. But you also have to get back at your bitch sister and your whore of a mother. You have an idea. They keep a huge container of lighter fluid downstairs. This'll show 'em. You storm out of the kitchen, down the stairs, open the container, and soak yourself and your already wet clothes with heaven's liquid. You march upstairs, push your mother aside, and approach the stove. This is it. You're gonna do it. It's a shame your drunk father couldn't be here to share this great moment with you. Oh well. Your finger makes contact with the fire.

    It's over.
     
  16. beefrave

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  17. oddguy

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    [​IMG]
     
  18. PerpetuallyAroused

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    lol I read about this a few days ago.
     
  19. ge5undhe17

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    SOMEBODY TALKED SHIT ABOUT TOTAL
     
  20. Esther Nguyen

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    azn attention whore

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    would have aimed for the high score if he murdered his family
     
  21. Baya Rae 4900

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    This reminds me of that Buddhist monk in 'Nam.
     
  22. Chainsaw surgeon

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    Breakfast IS the most important meal of the day, and no man should allow his skanky ass sister ruin it.