Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future

Discussion in 'News' started by beefrave, Dec 3, 2011.

  1. beefrave

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    A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.
    The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.
    Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.
    Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
    This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.
    Professor Brian Cox, a CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."
    Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.
     
  2. Rev

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  3. Atomic_Joe

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    Can we get a sauce on this please?
     
  4. Seku

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  5. ExplosiveDiareah

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    @11th Doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. Thayora

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    This was from 2010.
     
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  8. ExplosiveDiareah

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    I know you can see that it's you in the photo
     
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  10. ExplosiveDiareah

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  11. beefrave

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    mfw some of you actually know how to read and investigate.
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  12. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Interesting, feedback surge, the LHC creates the Higgs Bison and then it turns back time and apparently never existed, so the LHC does it again at that same moment, same thing happens, again and again then the magnets overheat and the LHC breaks and shuts down.
    Just like Steven Hawkpoo's theory of a wormhole feedback, if a scientist creates a wormhole ten minutes back in time and shoots himself 10 minutes ago before the wormhole was created, it becomes like a feedback loop between a microphone and a stereo it just builds up and causes an explosion.
    I just remembered again that this Thread needed Cigarsex.
    cigarsex5.
     
  13. beefrave

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  14. beefrave

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  15. ExplosiveDiareah

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    FUCKING HOW SLOW IS THE FILE ATTACHMENT SYSTEM?
    I drew the guy holding the cigar guillotine you cannot have cigarsex without a guillotine.
     
  16. TheDukeOfCrowns

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    Wholly shit DR.WHO IS REAL



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  17. TheDukeOfCrowns

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  18. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Lion King Edition. Cigarsex6.
     
  19. Atomic_Joe

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  20. TheDukeOfCrowns

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  21. Atomic_Joe

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  22. ExplosiveDiareah

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    TOO SOON?
    probably more like too late. Cigarsex7. Cigarsex7. Cigarsex7. Cigarsex7. Cigarsex7. Cigarsex7. Cigarsex7. Cigarsex7.
    Zaiger is going to ban me when he finds that the Attachments bank is stuffed full of Cigarsex by me.
     
  23. Atomic_Joe

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  24. TheBrickBalls

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    Apparently this same man somehow got a piece of bread caught in the collider and caused it to overheat at 8 kelvin as it usually operates at 1.6 kelvin. 8 kelvin is a temperature that you and I would immediately freeze to death at. Those are some odd, sensitive, and fragile machines they have there.
     
  25. TheDukeOfCrowns

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    Fuck, it overheated at a freezing temperature?
     
  26. Stormtrooper

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  27. Esther Nguyen

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    this is bs. I don't believe it!
     
  28. ExplosiveDiareah

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  29. MrGask

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  30. CallMeMaggot

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