"Long John Edgeworth" - A Story.

Discussion in 'Your Shitty Projects' started by oddguy, Jul 18, 2012.

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  1. oddguy

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    As part of the recent story writing trend inspired by @minty I have decided to write my own story.

    About @Edgeworth.



    It was morning, the sun was was rising, and Capitan Long John Edgeworth, The most fierce pirate on the seven seas, was patrolling the deck.

    He looked around and saw his men working all over the ship. The sight of hard working men pleased Edgeworth and he proceeded to the poop deck. The poop deck was Edgedworths favorite place on the entire ship. Sometimes he would spend hours just going in and out of the poop deck, or watching other men enter it and stroking his monkey with delight.

    Edgeworth continued to inspect the ship, paying attention to every detail. He looked at the sails, the ropes, the anchors, and finally the mast. As he gazed upon the massive wooden pole he saw some of the little boys, who's work was to clean the ship, sliding down it. Edgeworth did non mind. The little boys enjoyed going down on Edgeworths pole, and Edgeworth liked it too.

    Edgeworth continued to inspect the deck and saw his first mate fishing off the side of the ship and began to approach him. The first mate had just hooked a fish and was jerking his fishing rod. As he saw Edgeworth come closer to him he began to jerk his rod harder and faster, but this only led to a premature release. Edgeworth looked disappointed at his first mate, who smiled at him with discomfort. "The men are hungry, Capitan." The first mate said. Edgeworth knew he was right. It had been a long time since they had pillaged another ship and the men were longing to have a big piece of meat in their mouth and to feel a warm liquid ooze down their throat. And so did Edgeworth. The thought alone made him grip his monkey harder.
    He continued his walk and reached the bow, where he pulled out his telescope and expanded it. He neared, the now long, instrument to his face. As he help the long tool he became excited. A ship on the horizon. Food.

    Without alarming the other sailors he put his hands on his privets. He told them to bring him his sword and the Jolly Roger. As he was waiting for the to return, he reminisced about his days as a whale hunter. How he used to love the smooth feel of the skin of a grate white, as it's blowhole splashed him in the face. But sperm
    whales were his favorite kind of whales. They were big, black and tasted good in his mouth. His daydreaming was cut short by the return of his crewmen. The Jolly Roger... The skull and crossbones... He quickly grabbed the bone in his hand and called his men. Soon a riot ensued due to the prospect of fresh food. But more then that, over who will get to climb up to the crows nest and raise the flag. Yes, all the men on board wanted to be on top of Edgeworths big wooden pole. All but one.

    Edgeworth saw that one of the sailors was sitting on a barrel and did not care for the opportunity to see this piece of erect wood up close. He looked like a hairy bum. Edgeworth loved hairy bums. He loved inserting his discipline into every hairy bum on the ship. He called out to the man, and soon he was on top of Edgeworths wooden pillar, panting with exhaustion. The flag was hung, just like Edgeworth liked it. At the sight of it the other ship began to gain speed to escape. "ALL HANDS ON DECK!" Edgeworth shouted and his own ship was soon gaining speed. But the wind was not enough. Edgeworth went down to the bowels of the ship and commanded the slaved to pull out the paddles and row manually. The group of chained up men pulled out their long sticks, made of hard wood, and inserted them into the portholes. "Stroke! Stroke!" He yelled. "Harder!" he commanded them again. The slaved stroked harder and faster until the the edge of their wood was covered in a white foam. Egdeworth knew from experience that at when that happens stroking harder won't do any good. He went back up to the deck and saw they were now almost alongside the other ship. He ran to his cannoneer and told him to load the cannon. Edgeworth grabbed the cannoneers big, black balls and commanded him to blow his cannon. "Blow it again!" Edgeworh exclaimed, as his cannon ejaculated all on the crew of the other ship. Finally he ran over to the helm and began to steer the ship.

    It was time. Edgeworth came up fast from behind and rammed the the stern hard. He called all his men to arms. Soon the other ship was being overrun by Edgeworths gay crew of pirates. Edgeworth decided it was time to join the fight and jumped on the rear deck of the other ship. Edgeworth was already all wet, and was he was getting excited by the sight of the sailors. Edgeworth pulled out his long, hard instrument and began to beat off the sailors. Many sailors came because of Edgeworth, and soon the ships deck was covered in sea-men.

    As he was thrusting in and out of the stern, he saw the ships captain. He ran towards him, with his sword in hand. But the other captain ran from him and went down to the lowed deck. The idea of going down appealed to Edgeworth and he followed suit. As soon as he was at the bottom on the stairs he felt something long and hard penetrate him from behind, and a warm liquid began to drip down the back of him. As he laid dying on the floor, his only regret in life was not being nice to oddguy.


    The End.


    ------------------------------------

    Did not bother to proofread.
     
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  2. oddguy

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    Did anyone notice the subtle, satirical undertone of the story, or it's hidden agenda?
     
  3. Sugar Bombs

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    This was delightful, and although it was a lot to take in, I pushed through my discomfort and allowed it to come into my mind and bathe my thoughts in wonder.
     
  4. Douche McCowfucker

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    No, but I am rock-fucking-hard right now.

    I want to stick my dick into the poopdeck of a ship.
     
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  5. oddguy

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    Literature is important... It can enter you and cause you to expand as a result... Your mind I mean.
     
  6. Lyle

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    I'd rather have seen story of Edgeworth, the pastry packer.
     
  7. Flu

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    *As he help the long tool he became excited. A ship on the horizon.
    *he reminisced about his days as a whale hunter. How he used to love the smooth feel of the skin of a grate white, as it's blowhole splashed him in the face.
    *"Stroke! Stroke!" He yelled. "Harder!" he commanded them again. The slaved stroked harder and faster until the the edge of their wood was covered in a white foam.
    *Edgeworth grabbed the cannoneers big, black balls and commanded him to blow his cannon. "Blow it again!"
    *Many sailors came because of Edgeworth, and soon the ships deck was covered in sea-men.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This story was pure fucking gold. In the spirit of innuendo, I'm going to give you one really big thumb's up! Well done, you flaming huge ZOGGOT. Well done <3
     
  8. Moscow

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    It's not just about football

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    LOTS OF GAY INNUENDO. that's very you @oddguy, however I doubt you'll ever be a storyteller of @Flu 's calibre.
     
  9. Solution

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    Everyone is boring

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  10. ExplosiveDiareah

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    You should have proof readed it because it's very good, but almost but not quite perfect, there are other double entendres to use for the same effect, but for greater subtlety
    Still this is a good post.

    Write more stories and you will be halfway there to making up for all those worthless polls you made.
     
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  11. Solution

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    Fuck what this furry fuck-whit say!

    It is a master piece that you gave to us. Thank you.
    That'll do Jew, that'll do.
    thatlldojew.
    Ps, Tread needs poll;)
     
  12. oddguy

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  13. Khanzer

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    later.
     
  14. ExplosiveDiareah

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    No.
    I am too busy drawing porn myself
    Go placate your hormonal repressed urges yourself.
     
  15. Solution

    Solution
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    Everyone is boring

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    No one cares what your doing, freak.
    Keep your anal projections to your self.
    I mean, come on!
    Oddguy makes a good thread and your all like,
    "Look at what he did, that is nice, I'm going to rub my shit stained mincy faggot balls all over it"
    Grow up
     
  16. ExplosiveDiareah

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    I already encouraged him, but don't encourage him too much....
    And no i am going to show you.
    [​IMG]
     
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  17. Solution

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  18. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Solution = Furry
    I have seen it.
     
  19. Solution

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    Electric Yiff = Sensitive autistic faggot
    The proof is in the post ↓
     
  20. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Yeah but i'm not the guy who is trolled by a username.
    [​IMG]
     
  21. Likeicare

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    i vote this for every award possible
     
  22. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Oddguy and everybody who thinks this story is the best, Go kill yourself Now.
    This right here by Rape Train is the BEST story ever told.

    /user/solution on furaffinity furry furry furry furry furry FURRY
     
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  23. Nouble Digger

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    alolololol look at the favorites on that page. He's a sickfuck.
     
  24. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Favorites?
     
  25. Nouble Digger

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  26. Solution

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    I didn't mean to hurt your feeling, you furry fuck.
    Ah come here...
    tumblr_m2i6ecNA4z1qacbojo1_500.
    ...If I catch mange or what ever the fuck you people carry I swear i'll have you put down.
     
  27. ExplosiveDiareah

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    [​IMG]

    Oh My Oh my!!!!
    I felt the slightest tingling in my cock for the first time since i hit it with a hammer at the age of 12.
    This, this is just.... so hot, yet so ambiguous so.... well ambiguous is this a guy or a girl?
    Is it jail bait? or is it properly ripe like all of us here (excluding junco)

    Either way.
    I think i'm in love with Edgeworth <3
     
  28. Likeicare

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    idk, but @Solution seems like a pretty cool guy, eh draws muscular animals and doesn't afraid of anything
     
  29. ExplosiveDiareah

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    THAT'S A WOLF IF YOU'RE GOING TO INSIST I AM A FURRY YOU COULD MAINTAIN THE PRETENCE BETTER IF YOU USED THE HYENA
     
  30. Solution

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