I'm getting a girlfriend.

Discussion in 'Locker Room Talk' started by Emily, Oct 7, 2011.

  1. Emily

    Emily
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    BANNED LOL

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    Could you people give me some tips?
     
  2. SuperSpecialSuperStar

    SuperSpecialSuperStar
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    2011 Faggot of the Year

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    Yeah.

    Dump her and come live with me, bby <3
     
  3. Emily

    Emily
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    BANNED LOL

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    How about no?
     
  4. SuperSpecialSuperStar

    SuperSpecialSuperStar
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    2011 Faggot of the Year

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    I'll let you be the dominant one!
     
  5. Emily

    Emily
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    BANNED LOL

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    Should I spell it out?

    G
    I
    R
    L
    F
    R
    I
    E
    N
    D
     
  6. SuperSpecialSuperStar

    SuperSpecialSuperStar
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    2011 Faggot of the Year

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    I'll let you pound my sexy Asian vaggeww.
     
  7. Emily

    Emily
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    BANNED LOL

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    Stop making things up.
     
  8. SuperSpecialSuperStar

    SuperSpecialSuperStar
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    2011 Faggot of the Year

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    I can be anything you want, bby
     
  9. Emily

    Emily
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    BANNED LOL

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    Can you stop existing?
     
  10. SuperSpecialSuperStar

    SuperSpecialSuperStar
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    2011 Faggot of the Year

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    Nope.
     
  11. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    How in the fuck did you manage that? Did you explain to her that you're asexual? Or are you only conditionally asexual?
     
  12. Dancingfatkid

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  13. Thayora

    Thayora
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    Moeologist

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    From my experiences on ED, people who simply state that they're asexual are those who can't get a bf.
     
  14. Harpoons

    Harpoons
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    Fissure of Man

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    I think the point is that he doesn't have a girlfriend yet, so he wants some help from the internet. He really chose the best place possible to ask for relationship advice. Anyway, this thread is unbelievably pathetic.
     
  15. Erotic Boners

    Erotic Boners
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    Don't be a nice guy ever
     
  16. m450n_yuno

    m450n_yuno
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    Doesn't asexual mean a living organism that can reproduce by itself? Does that mean an asexual person needs to have a long enough dick so he can fuck himself in his vagina?
     
  17. TheDude2894

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    So you're aspiring to be a lesbian now?
     
  18. k-hate

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    OG Dramacrat

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    are you getting a girlfriend like you are looking for one and in the process of trying to find a girlfriend? or getting a girlfriend like you have a girl lined up and are gonna ask her and want advice on how to keep her your girlfriend. plz be specific cause i can't dr. phil this bitch unless i know what's goin on.
     
  19. Beatrice

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    Realize that women get pissy over stupid shit and when she says "Nothing's wrong" or "I'm okay" she's actually really pissed and wants you to magically realize what you did wrong.
     
  20. Bob

    Bob
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    wear a condom
     
  21. Esther Nguyen

    Esther Nguyen
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    azn attention whore

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    hahaha good luck it wont happen not now not ever
     
  22. Atomic_Joe

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    Joevahkiin

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    Remember, if she's white, she's alright. If she's black, throw her back!
     
  23. Bob

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    what about asians
     
  24. Edgeworth

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    So, you're looking to get a girlfriend are you? Well, besides the fact that you're obviously a flaming faggot, I've got some awesome tips, pointers, and general do-goods to share with you!
    • It's probably worth mentioning that all females are out there for your money. If you're looking to pick up girls, wear nice clothes, carry the latest in technology, look of class, not like a fucking hoodlum.
    • Females have sensitive noses (my guess is that it's an evolved trait, probably to improve their cleaning and cooking skills), emit a nice aroma. Take a shower, twice a day, and use soap. Then, use some kind of deodorant. Don't douse yourself in it, you will turn flammable, and it will not be pleasant.
    • Females love the illusion of control. The trick is to manipulate her into thinking that your ideas are actually hers. You wanna have anal? Convince her that she is the one who wants to get buttfucked.
    • Females love to chat with their little friends about anything, however they are vulnerable (my guess, due to their ability to believe anything anyone says) to deception. Once you're going out with her, and you want to get rid of one of her bitch friends, simply convince her that the supposed friend has been trying to make the moves onto you. She'll hate her forever, and you'll never have to deal with that bimbo again.
    • Women bleed out of their vaginas on what is called an "ovulation cycle." Schedule your business trips accordingly.
    • Most women are unfaithful whores, don't get too closely involved, you will get hurt, and she won't care in the slightest.
    • Females crave attention, and love when people listen to them. If they start talking to you, act mildly interested, laugh, nod and pray they don't ask you for your opinion.
    • IF THEY ASK YOU FOR YOUR OPINION, IT IS A TRAP. The general advice around answering a question that these witches pose to you is as following. Answer with exactly what she wants you to say, it's immensely obvious. The proper answer to "Do these pants make me look fat?" is "No, baby you look beautiful." not "You're a fat cow, it's not the pants that make you fat. Maybe you should stop eating ice-cream by the tub. Bitch."
    • If she is unsure as to what she wants to do, make up her fucking mind for her, she probably does not posses the ability to do it herself.
    • DO NOT SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON THEM. This will set a precedent for future excessive spending. Avoid taking her to fancy restaurants, unless you let her know that it is a SPECIAL event and that these kinds of things only happen ONCE OR TWICE PER YEAR.
    • Females have an overwhelming need to bear children, and later collect child-support. Make sure that you're keeping track of her intake of contraceptives. NEVER LET HER HANDLE YOUR CONDOMS. SHE WILL TAMPER WITH THEM TO REDUCE THEIR EFFECTIVENESS, AND INCREASE HER CHANCES OF CONCEPTION.
    • A roller-coaster is a great way to trick a woman into having a miscarriage.
    • Regardless of all their faults, all females should be able to do the following: Cook, clean and know their fucking place. If the one you are seeking is not, the woman is faulty, return her from whence she came at once.
    • Never, ever, stick your dick inside a crazy.
     
  25. Bob

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    needs to be said again. amen brother
     
  26. oddguy

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    The Prime Memeister

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    here is a list of all the reasons i care:
     
  27. TheDude2894

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    Or you could just rape the bitch and be done with her.
     
  28. Emily

    Emily
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    BANNED LOL

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    I have a specific girl in mind.
     
  29. Emily

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    BANNED LOL

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  30. $$Trooper

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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    well i guess a congrats are in order.