If reality was a Role Playing Game...

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Aroukar, May 2, 2013.

  1. Aroukar

    Aroukar
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    ...what character would you be? Add stats, races, classes, and other attributes I do not know even if they disagree with my model. Feel free to make another character or two. Nothing will come of it.

    As for me:

    Name:Aroukar
    Class: Demented Octogenerian
    Race: Ancient Tortoise

    Max. HP: 98
    Max. MP: 1918
    Defense: 0
    M. Resistance: 409907
    Speed: 0.5
    Endurance: 1
    Strength: 1

    Race Powers:
    -Senseless Rambling: Every turn you make a long-winded speech about how everything was better in the old days. Opponents have a 50% of being confused.
    -Burden of Old Age: Every turn you have a 33% chance of getting sick, or breaking a hip, etc. Player cannot move during this turn.
    -Dementia: When used, the player has a 5% chance of becoming endowed with insane strength and endurance for one turn. The player must attack the nearest player. The next 3 turns the player is asleep. If it fails, the player will sleep for 10 turns.

    Summons:

    -Shellshocked Veteran: The player reminesces about the war, and dream-summons a younger version of himself to fight in his stead. The summon lasts for an indefinite number of turns and can only be banished by its death or the use of a illusion-breaking technique on the caster.
     
  2. oddguy

    oddguy
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    The Prime Memeister

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    rare deepwater jew
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    Name: Funk Master Tyron
    Class: PIMP
    Race: Black


    Speed: Sell some on the side when pimpin is slow
    Endurance: whatever
    Strength: 100000000000000000 - And that's just my pimp hand
    intelligance: 0

    Race Powers:
    - Welfare
    - Food stamps
    - Race card
    - Scaring the crap out of white people by looking at them

    Summons:

    - Trisha . My bottom bitch.

    [​IMG]
     
  3. BMO

    BMO
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    Dude, you spell your name with a "ch" -- Erich? That is way cooler than any other spelling I've seen.
     
  4. Thatdamnnigger

    Thatdamnnigger
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    Name: Mohamed al Razad
    Class: Rogue
    Race: Sandnigger


    Speed: Blink and your wallet is gone
    Endurance: Enough to survive lots of police raids
    Strength: 70 does lots of boxing
    intelligence: 0

    Race Powers:
    - God is great (You don't need to justify anything)
    - Tan skin (Hard to see during robberies)
    - Antisemitism
    - Explosive specialist

    Summons:
    can summon up to 3 boeings in a few minutes


    Special racial skill: can sacrifice himself for allah/the lulz/his hate of the jews/etc and enter berserk dynamite mode. If used successfully, this mode will unlock the 72 virgins success
     
  5. MrGask

    MrGask
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    #FreeGask

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    Occupation:
    Bastard child of Jigsaw and Kayako
    Home Page:
    [​IMG]
    Name: Gosheapa
    MetaType: Human(Amerindian)
    Age: 22
    Sex: Male
    Height: 2 meters
    Weight: 125 kg
    Hair: Dark Brown
    Eyes: Chromed
    Body: 6(9)
    Agility: 4(5)
    Reaction: 4(7)
    Strength: 5(5)
    Charisma: 2
    Intuition: 3
    Logic: 3
    Willpower: 4
    Edge: 3
    Essence: .05
    Initiative: 10
    Passes: 1(2)

    Skills-
    Firearms: 4
    Heavy Weapons: 4
    Exotic Melee Weapons: 1
    >CyberBlade: 6
    Eye Laser: 1
    Unarmed Combat: 4

    Athletics: 2
    Stealth: 1
    Outdoorsman: 2
    Dodge: 2
    Perception: 2
    Perception: 3(5)

    Ride Harley Scorpion: 2
    Armorer-Firearms: 2
    Armorer-Heavy Weapons: 2
    Build/Repair Aircraft: 1

    Street Etiquette: 1
    Animal Husbandry: 1
    Seattle Area Gang Knowledge: 2
    Security Company Knowledge: 2
    >Aztechnology Security Knowledge: 2
    History: 1
    >Amerindian History: 2

    English: 3
    Spanish: 4
    Apache: 6

    Perks-Guts, SINer, Ambidextrous, Nicotine Addiction(Mild), Krav Maga, Erased, Hawkeye, Enemy(Cult of the Awakened Lotus)

    Physical Soak: 15 Mental Soak: 10

    Cyberware-
    Delta Ultrasound
    CyberEyes(Image Link, Flare Compensation, Recorder, Smartlink, Visual Acuity(1), Thermographic, Eye Laser Tool/Designator)
    Delta Wired Reflexes(1)
    Modular Obvious Cyberarm(Left, GyroMount(3), Drone Hand)
    Obvious Cyberarm(Retractable CyberBlade)
    Reaction Enhancer(3)
    Titanium Bone Lacing(+1/+1)

    Bioware-
    Trauma Dampner

    Equipment-
    Way too much to list. Mostly different guns and means of killing things.

    Gosheapa was born in the slums of LA in 2048. His father left him and his mother soon after his birth. His mother was 16 at the time. Growing up without a father on the streets of LA, Wardog (as he came to be known) soon fell in with the Apaches, a small-time, mostly Amerindian street gang. Reputed to be half Apache himself, Wardog was in and out of Juvenile Detention from age 8, until he left the gang in 2064. Wardog still carries the Remington Roomsweeper that he took he took from the copse of their dead leader, who protested his departure.
    Soon afterward, Wardog boosted a drek load of chrome form an LA cyberboutique. Convincing the Street Doc that hired him to do so to wire him out was fairly easy. Not so easy was shaking the trackers that soon showed up looking for the chrome. The Street Doc was cooled in the ensuing firefight, and Wardog, deciding discretion was the better part of valor, skipped town.
    Since that time, he has worked various racketts up and down the coast of FreeCal, and the Western Seaboard, eventually ending up in Seattle. A massive individual, even before the upgrades, Wardog rarely speaks, preferring violence to negotiation. A cautious, guarded individual that sometimes talks of fighting the oppression and marginalization of his people, Wardog is truly much more concerned with his own survival and comfort than any anti-corp ideals he may espouse.
    Nearly soul-dead from all his cyberware, Wardog has trouble relating to other metahumans, showing little to no empathy for his own species. He prefers the company of other machines. Nearly unkillable, Wardog has survived plane crashes, being hit by a bus, shot with an armor piercing missile, and an untold number of firefights. He has honestly lost track of the number of times he has survived attacks that would have instantly killed a lesser being.
    Upon reaching Seattle, Wardog fell in with Gun Slingers Inc. a local shadowrunning group made up of the fastest shot still barely alive, Walloon Gunsmith; the slickest stealth boy in cyberspace and real, WiFu; and the demented Dwarven bomber, Short Fuse.
     
  6. BMO

    BMO
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    jenny has cameltoe with her new leather pants.
     
  7. ilovejesus69

    ilovejesus69
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    Crisis Actor

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    Rap is for criminals.
     
  8. Aroukar

    Aroukar
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    Damn. Amazing. Heh heh.
     
  9. BMO

    BMO
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    This is an example of Emo Poetry written by an Emo Girl- The light is dimming. I’m getting weaker. My breathing gets harder at every breath. Harder. Now Harder. People around me. I think. Otherwise Angels. Or demons. I cant tell. I don’t care. Tell me you love me, and that everything will be alright between you and me. That we can be friends again. That you don’t love her. It just might be my life. I feel my body hit the ground. People, Angels, demons, whatever they are, yelling or maybe talking. I don’t know. You just don’t say anything. You only sit there, not knowing anything that’s happening to me. My heart skips a beat. Another. And Before I know it, my life falls to pieces.
     
  10. Aroukar

    Aroukar
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    [​IMG]

    Name: Rufus Jones
    Class: Negroborn
    Race: Nigger

    Max. HP: 9999
    Max. MP: 1,000,000
    Defense: 3000
    M. Resistance: 49999
    Speed: 100
    Endurance: 12,000,000
    Strength: 99,000

    Race Powers:
    -Never Relax: The character gains a 15% speed and stealth stat boost if a crime that is committed ,fails. The character maintains these boosts for two turns, if no more crimes are committed. If crimes are committed, the boost is maintained by one more turn.
    -Black Metabolism: The user is able to regain much more HP from alcohol, fried chicken, watermelons, bananas, Hyphy, drugs, and white women. The adverse effects of drugs are delayed for two turns.
    -Song of the People: The user sings the song of the Negroes, causing a field effect to take play.Enemise and party members are equally affected. All black race characters, recover 30% of their HP(+10% Critical Hit Chance). Spics recover 15%, Wiggers 5%, Asians 0%, Sand Niggers -5%(+25% to strength), and Whites -50%(The lyrics of this song are offensive and very harmful to anyone playing a white race character. In addition to the damage, whites may become confused).

    Summons:
    [Note:The Negroborn does not summon; he becomes the summon.]
    - Original Form: The negro reverts to the form of his ancestors, the great apes. All non-combat skills are reduced to 0. Combat skills increase by 200%. The player cannot control this character; it will attack any and all nearby players, whether friend or foe. Banished by death or sleep status.
    -Double Nigger: Quite simply the player becomes twice the nigger he already is. Every stat is doubled. Banished by death, or by transformation into higher form.
    -ULTRANIGGER: ULTRANIGGER'S COMBAT STATS ARE MULTIPLIED BY FOUR. NONCOMBAT STATS ARE DIVIDED BY TWO. ULTRANIGGER DOES NOT HEED THE COMMANDS OF ITS ALLIES AND WILL ATTACK FOES RELENTLESSLY. ULTRANIGGER CAN ONLY BE BANISHED BY DEATH, OR EVOLUTION.
    -Quantum Nigger: To become a quantum nigger, the player has to have used all the other summons in one battle. The user transcends the meaning of what it is to be a nigger. As a result, he realizes that every possible permutation of the nigger he was, he is, he would become, and that he could have been are all realized at the same time. His existence is now intangible, except in the Quantum Ghetto. He is everywhere and nowhere. All stats become infinite. The quantum nigger has only one turn, but because he controls his own possibilities, the choice of action is up to the user. After the action, the user realizes that he stopped being a nigger when he went to college, causing him to acknowledge himself. The user's existence becomes distributed evenly in space-time. The nigger returns to the Quantum Ghetto, and stays there until he gets tired of the demands for child support, and returns to the field as the normal Negroborn. Banishes itself and the user after one turn. User can return when a dice falls on one during his turn.
     
  11. BMO

    BMO
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    Spuffy is the best couple ever to appear on TV!
     
  12. Aroukar

    Aroukar
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    @uberfukken Just a note, I edited it recently.
     
  13. MrGask

    MrGask
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    #FreeGask

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    Home Page:
     
  14. MrGask

    MrGask
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    #FreeGask

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    Name: Cheezy-P
    Race: Whigger
    Occupation: White Rapper
    Physical: Low
    Social: High
    Mental: Low

    Talents- Streetwise, Awareness, Expression
    Skills- Freestyle, Beat Boxing, Break Dance
    Knowledge- Nigga Culture, Rap Lore

    Cheezy-P is a white gangster in the finest traditions of people like Vanilla Ice and Marshal Mathers. He fancies himself a thug, but the closest he has ever come to gang violence was when that big kid wouldn't let him use the swing in kindergarten. Nonetheless, he is an aspiring rapper and freestyle break dancer whose dream is to rap battle Eminem. Using his extremely annoying and poorly structured grammar to cast manipulation and essence effect spells, Cheezy-P is a modern day bard. As the most annoying member of any group of PC's, Cheezy-P is typically hated by all the other PC's, but can calm their actions with a single verse of "Chill out my homie, I'll knock dat grill out if you show me it again. In it to win it, and I ain't finished till your mom's knobbing on my bizness. You better calm down, you can't win this showdown. Now here is the lowdown, I just scored a touchdown on the runback while you got quarterback sacked down."
     
  15. lulzbomb

    lulzbomb
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    Girlvinyl

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    Name: Clancy Bryant
    Race: Ginger male
    Occupation: Fire fighter
    Physical: high
    Social: High
    Mental: High end of low
    Talents- Rescue, Technical knowledge, Forceful incursion.
    Knowledge- Basic Medical attention , fire science , proper lifting methods , Team instruction

    Weakness: Blacks , spics , Criticism of his Irish Heritage, Combat situations
    Weapons: 15 inch hose, haligan , Ax, Stretcher ,Jaws of life, first aid kit.

    Clancy is a white red haired male . Despite his out of shape look his training makes him a good character to have around in times of crisis .......well unless it involves Blacks ,and spicks, or anykind of conflict."Perhaps you should have called the police for this one". He works well under pressure taking firm control of the situation . He also acts as a healer.
     
  16. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    [​IMG]
     
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    • Autism Autism x 5
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  17. Aroukar

    Aroukar
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    Name: Zukkafah Gott
    Class: Ediot Summoner
    Race: Australian Jew

    Max. HP: 5000
    Max. MP: 10^1006
    Defense: 42
    M. Defense: 10,000
    Speed: 25
    Endurance: 34
    Strength 43

    Race Powers:
    -Australian Exceptionalism: The player's superiority complex allows him to attack three times on one turn. Aboriginal race characters receive 50% more damage.
    -Weakness to Fire: While not as severe as a purebred Jew(100% weakness), the player still suffers 25% more damage from Fire, and fire-based attacks.
    -Fuck Kosher, Mate: As a hybrid Jew, you can safely consume all foods without consequence or penalty.
    -Weak Gold Magnet: The player tends to "find" more gold (+10% chance) in loot.

    Summons:
    -The Eternal Madness, The Member Formerly Known As Baya Rae: To summon it, you must sacrifice 75% of your max hp, while howling at a blue Chevrolet. The Member Formerly Known As Baya Rae will use of one four attacks: Eye Cancer Beam, Tribal Mounting, Light of Delusion, or Thumbfall. Thumbfall is its final attack and to trigger it you must feed a party member to The Member Formerly Known As Baya Rae. He will then leap into outer space, as his body transforms into a mass of hairy thumbs. When the transformation is complete, he will plunge to the battlefield and cause damage equal to the worth of the party member that was fed to it. The Member Formerly Known As Baya will banish itself after 3 turns, after being hit successfully with a Superior Logic Spell, and after using Thumbfall.
    -The Vile Gentleman, Scumhook: Scumhook will summon itself, randomly at any given point even outside of battle. He grants buffs to the Rape Skill, and Combat buffs to Australian, and semi-Australian characters. His final attack is Outback Rape. Outback Rape is triggered when Scumhook spots a nice-looking lady on the enemy team. He will vanish from the field and reappear, riding on a kangaroo and holding a butterfly net. He will pursue his morsel, all the while giggling like a delighted child. When the selected opponent has been caught, Scumhook banishes itself and the victim, saying that he going to take the victim "down under". Scumhook banishes itself whenever it feels like it.
    -The Legendary Busey Jew, Oddguy: Summoning Oddguy requires the summoner to deposit all their gold in a nearby well. If the amount is satisfactory, the ground will shake and Oddguy will rise from the bottom of the well. Oddguy has five attacks: Jewjitsu, Gold Theft, Busey Bombs, Love-Hate Beam, and True Messiah. True Messiah, Oddguy's final attack is triggered if it manages to steal all of the gold from everyone participating in the battle, both friend and foe. If so, Oddguy will levitate high in the sky until he is covered with clouds. After a moment the clouds will part and the sky will become gold-colored. Oddguy will emerge from a pillar of light, and begin turning the enemy team into solid gold. After this is done, it will meticulously melt them down and reshape them into ingots, so they are more compact.When he is done, he banishes himself along with all the gold. Oddguy banishes itself if the party runs out of money, or if the party pays it.

    Oh dear, forgot to let the important people know: @The Member Formerly Known As Baya Rae 4900 @scumhook @oddguy
     
  18. MrGask

    MrGask
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    #FreeGask

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    Name: Martin Prince
    Class: Wonderous Wizard of Latin
    Hit Points: 1,000,000
    Strength: Nope
    Agility: Some
    Quickness: Middling
    Constitution: Resilient
    Endurance: Not Much
    Intelligence: Excessive
    Intuition: Low
    Perception: Middling
    Willpower: Resilient
    Charisma: Maximum

    Edges and Flaws: Dervish of Declination, Conjurer of Conjugation, Teacher's Pet, Bully Magnet, Fatbody

    Martin Prince is a master of the Dead Tongue, and may resurrect it at will. Using his vast brain power, he can store huge amounts of knowledge, but still cannot figure out why everyone hates him.
    Prince turns this outward hate into an inner self loathing, which he channels into ever greater feats of autistic expression.

    [​IMG]
     
  19. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Did I offend you in some way, Aro?
     
  20. MrGask

    MrGask
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    #FreeGask

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    he can store huge amounts of knowledge, but still cannot figure out why everyone hates him.
     
  21. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    No, no. I get why everyone hates me. I just don't know what I did to inspire Aro to do that.
     
  22. MrGask

    MrGask
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    #FreeGask

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    If you were anyone else, I might bother explaining the inherent contradiction in those two statements.
     
  23. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    You don't understand. Many Most All hate me but few are inspired to take action.
     
  24. Solution

    Solution
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    Everyone is boring

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    Bay-Bay plz.
     
  25. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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  26. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder
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    Girlvinyl

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    Maybe a day will come when you stop thinking everything revolves around you, The Member Formerly Known As Baya. Then I can promise you, the hate will subside.
     
  27. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    The fuck it will. People hate me because they can't stand the idea of someone who's better than them at something. Even if it's something which they have no business being good at in the first place. Hatred towards me will not subside because the innate pettiness within Humans will not subside.
     
  28. Dr. Rice

    Dr. Rice
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    Girlvinyl

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    I would be an Orcish Necromancer.
     
  29. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Fixed.
     
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  30. Dr. Rice

    Dr. Rice
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    Girlvinyl

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    Those are fighting words, sand-nigger terrorist neo-liberal scum.