I got salked by an old woman

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by lulzbomb, Jan 29, 2012.

  1. lulzbomb

    lulzbomb
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    Girlvinyl

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    She followed me around the mall 3 times asking me if I was her grand son . Truth be told I cant remember.
     
  2. Rock

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    Girlvinyl

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    but did you get head?
     
  3. TheDukeOfCrowns

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    was she ugly
     
  4. lulzbomb

    lulzbomb
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    Girlvinyl

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    I think she was from the local assisted living apartment complex from down the road .
    I didnt get head I was slightly unnerved .
    Yes she was ungodly ugly .
     
  5. TheDukeOfCrowns

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    Should've called the mall cops.
     
  6. lulzbomb

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    Yeah I should have .
     
  7. Baya Rae 4900

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    Lawlman

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    Mall cops, mall cops. What'cha going to do? What'cha going to do, when they sit on you? Mall cops, mall cops.
     
  8. xy0xy1

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    did you put gum in her hair

    did she smell of lemons
     
  9. Sublime

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    Everyone's Favorite Evil Bitch

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    Man, those old women and their salking ways, when will they ever stop?? DAMN YOU OLD WOMEN!

    .....

    Wait, someone remind me again what salking is.
     
  10. Wolf

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    This.


    Too shitty for even this thread so stop trying silly.
     
  11. Sqigur

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    but was she zesty ?
     
  12. lulzbomb

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    She smelled of newage store .
     
  13. Allele

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    Was she a GMILF?
     
  14. lulzbomb

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    She was generic .
     
  15. skylerconcarne

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    Do you mean balked?
     
  16. lulzbomb

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    Old looking ,and cross eyed
     
  17. Allele

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    Like so?
    fuck.
     
  18. lulzbomb

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    Girlvinyl

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    Yes
     
  19. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Girlvinyl

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    Alzheimers by the sounds of it.
    she probably DID think you were her grandson.

    Stalking? Salking? Sulking?
     
  20. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    I think you mean geriatric.
     
  21. lulzbomb

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    That works better
     
  22. CallMeMaggot

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    Then, she vaccinated you against polio

    That's awful, man
     
  23. Sublime

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    [​IMG]

    Nice joke though, srsly.
     
  24. madh8r

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    I thought you mean "socked" like punched but were retarded. But since you mentioned being sauked by old crazy ladies...

    One time I was living in a house with 12 dudes (no homo). We survived primarily on excstacy and being terrible neighbors. We would have stupidly loud parties and get the cops called on us by anonymous pussies every night. We figured something was amiss because the reports were usually not noise complaints, they were wild accusations of people being beaten in the driveway and of girls screaming "help" and lots of other shit that tends to get our door kicked in and get a police gun pressed agaisnt your head.

    So during the time this bullshit is going on we've been noticing this old asian lady, the next door neighbor, liked to take little walks and stare through the windows of our house. That was ok with us, because we were weird and we had heard she was a little mentally unstable. She would sometimes walk up onto the driveway to get a better look, but we just ignored her until one night...

    Up to our usual 2 am antics when an Officer Martinez walked into the living room, having no need to kick down the door this time as we did not fucking have one because he fucking kicked it in twice and the last time he was there someone used a goddamn battering ram on it. He asked very nicely if we were burning crosses on our front lawn, we said no, and he said that's what he thought and gave a noise ticket and left. Seeing as he had been to our house a few times to investigate random bullshit like that he knew there was nothing happening. So around 4 am one of my roomates wakes everyone up yelling about something, and we go out front and see the asian lady running away from the house. According to him she was peeking into his window. So 12 guys walk on over to the nighbors at 4 am to get some answers.

    A nice asian couple greeted us and explained shes crazy and is just interested in us ect and we explained we think shes calling the cops on us. They denied it a t first, but then basiclly gave in and said they keep her away from phones because she calls the cops and tells them shes being raped. We told them she can come around and stare in our windows and shit if she stops calling the cops, and they said they will try to find out if she was the one calling, and we left, and never got anything except a noise complaint until the house was raided a month later and the brand new door caved in with a battering ram.

    TL;DR SWATed by an old lady
     
  25. CallMeMaggot

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    Girlvinyl

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    stalked

    :picard:
     
  26. madh8r

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    I know brah
     
  27. CallMeMaggot

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    Girlvinyl

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    opps...:)
     
  28. ExplosiveDiareah

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    Girlvinyl

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    @madh8r
    i would not tolerate somebody walking around peering into my houses windows, since people a street over have had problems with prowlers and people attempting to find houses to rob at night, i tend to hear every single sound out the front even if i am at the back of the house, if i hear somebody outside, i head out with a long heavy metal flashlight, halogen beams tend to be good at blinding people at night with a single flash, which can let you find out if they have hostile intent if they do, just crack em on the head or whatever with the light, easy as winking.

    You might want to invest in Halogen lights in the future like @Weezus Christ
    Also, that cop you all probably should have jumped him and pummeled the shit out of him, Officer Martinez? with a latino name like that he probably wasen't a fucking police officer, but a fake.
     
  29. Web v1.0

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    No, OP. You are the polios.