It's been a long five years, but I'm back and won't get you arrested for statutory rape in the United States. Most of you probably don't know who this fresh asshole is, so let me explain. I was u-max back in the day when I wanted to be a 13 year old girl, and when Weev was crashing into Mercedes-Benz in the parking lot of his local grocery store. That old man, Dan, banned me for being a jailbait in a sea of dirty old dudes like Kale and Rice. After getting a stern and fatherly talking to by D-malice and the butterball crew, I set out on an adventure to gain a pair of hairy balls. Here we are.