Epic joke thread

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Moscow, Nov 3, 2011.

  1. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    ITT: we post the best jokes we have to offer.
     
  2. molb*

    molb*
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  3. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Is it just me or does Moscow seem more and more like a closeted Nazi?
     
  4. Regi

    Regi
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    SO DO YOU,u are nazi too dickhead
     
  5. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    How so?
     
  6. Regi

    Regi
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    EDF Hero

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    same as nazi scumbag,u should liking his post imo
     
  7. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    You know, S4, you're also similar to Mossy in terms of opinion on race relations.
     
  8. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    just because I laugh at the jokes doen't mean I subscribe to the rhetoric behind them.
     
  9. Fumo161

    Fumo161
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    Faggot

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    All of EDF2 is a big empty joke.
    This thread is pointless.
     
  10. Lloyd

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    The first two are some properly British jokes. I like.
     
  11. Gwazi

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    Dramacrat

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    Alright so there are these 2 horses
    And one of them cant walk
     
  12. lulzyer

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    Attorney at lol

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    An old man goes to his doctor. The man says "Doc, i cant pee". The doctor says "how old are you?" The man says "95". The doctor says "you've peed enough".

    A kid comes home from school very excited to see his mother. He says "mom mom, the teacher asked a question to the class and i was the ONLY kid who knew the answer!" The mom says "that's great, what was the question?" The kid says "who farted?"

    What has 4 arms and 4 legs and says "ho de do, ho de do?" 2 black guys yelling to stop an elevator

    ...These are all compliments of Gilbert Gottfried.

    Also hilarious:

     
  13. Dynamic Entry

    Dynamic Entry
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    what did the ghost say to the bees?

    BOOOBEES
     
  14. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    In other threads you've expressed your hatred towards Gypsies and other non-British people. I don't mind if you are, bro. I didn't mean Nazi as an insult or anything, but as a description.
     
  15. Edgeworth

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    Systems Administrator

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    This thread is rather askew.

    [parsehtml]
    <style>
    body {
    -moz-transform: rotate(1deg);
    -webkit-transform: rotate(1deg);
    -ms-transform: rotate(1deg);
    transform: rotate(1deg);
    }
    </style>

    [/parsehtml]
     
  16. Lucky

    Lucky
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    GODDAMMIT E.
     
  17. scumhook

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    Managing account details

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    Fuck you.

    I vomited again.
     
  18. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    E is one crazy motherfucker.
     
  19. Atomic_Joe

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    Joevahkiin

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    What is black and blue and REALLY hates sex?

    ...

    The 18 year old college girl in the trunk of my car!
     
  20. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    Ok, I hate gypsies- but who doesn't? only the bleeding hearts and do gooders. as for other non-brits I don't hate them per se, I just have the very occasional of wanting to kill everything- but then so did stalin. and he put hitler to shame when it came to the genocide olympics. but you do raise a valid point.
     
  21. Flu

    Flu
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    It's an old joke that almost everybody has heard, but one of my all time favourite jokes is:

    "My grandfather died in a concentration camp...
    ...
    he fell off the guard tower."

    It's one of the best simply for the time I used it at my buddies house, a yippie den called "the Chateau."
    A quick foreward: in that house, populated entirely by PC, left-leaning crust punks who are actually pompous, mostly rich kids who act impoverished but all attend prestigious colleges, who love my friend because he's the only real crusty among them and so the guy's pose on him and the [admittedly smoking hot chicks] bone him.
    Being caustic towards their lifestyles and thus, all of them, I am not well liked there, and frequently debate them on topics - however, they always thinking I'm arguing, which I am not.
    But once, at a social event there, I was talking about my hatred of Zionism, and this fag equated my dislike of Zionism with a dislike of Jews.. so he starts telling me what a horrible guy I am because the Jew's suffered hard in Nazi Germany. So I buttered him up with my tale of how my grandpa died in the concentration camp. (He had never heard that joke.)
    I told him 'my grandpa died in a concentration camp...' He was very sympathetic, until I added, 'he fell from the guard tower -" he got so flustered and mad, and kept making this puffing. "Pha!!" sound in disgust; paused a moment, then kept repeating, "You're horrible. It [the camps / demise of Jews] is not funny / it's not a joke."

    He was so shocked by the joke that it's become my #1 favourite joke solely for the response it garnered in that fag.
     
  22. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    that's a pretty epic bit of winning there flu
     
  23. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
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    Girlvinyl

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    I love you flu.

    My fav joke at the moment.

    Coma.
    This man's wife is in hospital comatose, one day the Doctor calls him to the hospital and tells him that during her spongebath's the nurse noticed while cleaning her genitals that his wife stirred a little, it was just a twitch.
    The doctor explains that if the stimuli was stronger it may be enough to wake her from the coma, and recommends he perform oral sex, so he takes him to her bed and closes the curtains to let him and his wife have privacy and waits outside the door, a minute passes and the guy runs out the door waving his arms at the doctor with his pants still down, the flatline alarm can be heard behind him, he screamed "IT'S NO GOOD!! IT'S NO GOOD!! SHE CHOKED!!!!"
     
  24. Moscow

    Moscow
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    It's not just about football

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    I like my women how I like my shoes.
    Tied up, broken in and eleven and a half.

    So New York has built a 'Park in the sky' then?
    Hope it works out better than their 'Airport in a skyscraper' idea.

    "I can't fucking believe it," I screamed, running into the delivery suite. "The baby has come out black."
    "I know," she said, laying in her hospital bed.
    "You dirty fucking slag!" I shouted."
    "I'm not having you talk to me like this," she said. "Get out!"
    "Talk to you like this?" I yelled. "You've been shagging a nigger!"
    I looked at the midwife and said, "I honestly can't believe it."
    She said, "Are you the boyfriend or husband?"
    I said, "Neither, I don't know her, but it just winds me up when I see a pretty white girl like that getting knocked up by a darkie."
     
  25. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
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    Girlvinyl

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    I told this girl once, that she should always use protection when taking it up the ass, or else she may end up pregnant.
    She asks "what do you mean?" "You cannot have babies through buttsex" i said "of course you can! That's where Niggers come from!"
     
  26. Regi

    Regi
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    s4 is my archenemy goddammit
     
  27. Fumo161

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    Faggot

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    What's the difference between a nigger and an apple?
    A nigger looks better when they are hung up in a tree.
     
  28. scumhook

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    Managing account details

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    A recent study revealed that 1 in 3 women are just as stupid as the other 2

    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    She says "A man once told me....."
     
  29. molb*

    molb*
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    What happens when a Jew walks into a door with an erection?
     
  30. Trixie

    Trixie
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    The Nicest Poster on EDF2

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    what happens?