Epic Adventure Quest.

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Baya Rae 4900, Apr 1, 2013.

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  1. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Since everybody's a DM these days, thought I'd pitch in. For the record, I'm going to combine the least retarded and most dickish things from 2nd/3rd/4th Edition D&D, Fallout 1/2, KOTOR 1/2 and bunch of boardgames/videogames you've probably never heard of. Brass tacks: Abilities are determined by the SPECIAL system from Fallout. LUCKy you.

    • Strength
    • Perception
    • Endurance
    • Charisma
    • Intelligence
    • Agility
    • Luck

    You have forty points, regardless of race or class. "INTELLIGENCE" and "Wisdom" from D&D is replaced by INTELLIGENCE. "DEXTERITY" from D&D is replaced by PERCEPTION and AGILITY. You can't go under one or over ten. Now for the so-called races...

    • Human
    • Dwarf
    • Elf
    • Gnome
    • Orc
    • Halfling

    I was going to list all the sub-races but I figure that it might be daunting for noobs so we'll leave them out for now. Also, no half-races because there are strong laws against miscegenation in this world or some shit. Keep in mind that these are the races that are playable, not the ones that exist.

    NOW, let's get down to the delicious racism. Here are the ability restrictions...

    • Human (no restrictions)
    • Dwarf (no less than five endurance, no more than five charisma)
    • Elf (no less than five agility, no more than five endurance)
    • Gnome (no less than five endurance, no more than five strength)
    • Orc (no less than five strength, no more than five intelligence)
    • Halfling (no less than five agility, no more than five strength)

    There should actually be a lot more restrictions than that but meh. Now for classes and their ability prerequisites...

    • Fighter (strength and endurance)
    • Mage (perception and intelligence)
    • Priest (charisma and intelligence)
    • Rogue (perception and agility)
    • Technocrat (perception and intelligence)

    Keep in mind that this is merely the initial classes. Over time, when I think all the players are comfortable about their sexuality confident in their knowledge of the game, I'll add sub-classes and give all players the choice of specialisation. As far as the special-special classes are concerned: Sorcerers will be drawn from Wizards, Barbarians and Paladins from Fighters and Monks from Priests. For those of you who don't know what any of those things are, never you mind.

    Now, a brief description of the world at play. It's your typical Tolkienesque fantasy but set at the beginning of an industrial revolution and cultural renaissance. All the races are suffering civil wars of sorts and the demand for mercenaries is high. All the while soon-to-be revolutions are sweeping across the world that range from religious rebirth to political reform. Deities are real but have been dormant since they suffered their own civil war long ago. Magic throughout the land is slowly dying out as a result of the deities being dormant so those who know how to wield magic of any form are either held in high esteem or burnt at the stake, depending on the region.

    You (yes, you) are looking to leave your relatively peaceful region in order to find riches working for a mercenary company in distant lands. You find a company who's looking to sail across the seas to the distant land of Arkgahria, which is a Human nation suffering from internal strife and a Goblin invasion.

    NAME:
    GENDER:
    RACE:
    CLASS:
    STRENGTH:
    PERCEPTION:
    ENDURANCE:
    CHARISMA:
    INTELLIGENCE:
    AGILITY:
    LUCK:

    Please fill this out if you wish to play.
     
  2. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    The following are now player characters. Take note, because there's a ten tag limit in every post I'll only allow a party of ten. If there's party members in waiting then I'll remove inactive party members and add those in waiting. (9/10)

    @SergeTrigger
    @molb*
    @Greed
    @$$Trooper
    @uberfukken
    @Khanzer
    @Aroukar
    @Solution
    @oddguy

    @MrGask
    NAME: Thuk Bonemeal III (1st KIA)
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Dwarf
    CLASS: Fighter
    STRENGTH: 10
    PERCEPTION: 4
    ENDURANCE: 10
    CHARISMA: 1
    INTELLIGENCE: 1
    AGILITY: 4
    LUCK: 10

    @SergeTrigger
    NAME: Notbai Ar-Ray (4th KIA)
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Human
    CLASS: Fighter
    STRENGTH: 9
    PERCEPTION: 5
    ENDURANCE: 8
    CHARISMA: 2
    INTELLIGENCE: 5
    AGILITY: 6
    LUCK: 5

    @molb*
    NAME: Twink il Dandewinecooler (9th KIA)
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Elf
    CLASS: Rogue
    STRENGTH: 3
    PERCEPTION: 6
    ENDURANCE: 4
    CHARISMA: 7
    INTELLIGENCE: 4
    AGILITY: 10
    LUCK: 6

    @Greed
    NAME: Zagra (8th KIA)
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Orc
    CLASS: Technocrat (former Mage)
    STRENGTH: 8
    PERCEPTION: 8
    ENDURANCE: 8
    CHARISMA: 3
    INTELLIGENCE: 5
    AGILITY: 3
    LUCK: 5

    @$$Trooper
    NAME: Klaus (6th KIA)
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Human
    CLASS: Technocrat (former Priest)
    STRENGTH: 4
    PERCEPTION: 8
    ENDURANCE: 8
    CHARISMA: 4
    INTELLIGENCE: 8
    AGILITY: 3
    LUCK: 5

    @uberfukken
    NAME: Bogey Pinkeye (5th KIA)
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Orc
    CLASS: Fighter
    STRENGTH: 8
    PERCEPTION: 5
    ENDURANCE: 10
    CHARISMA: 5
    INTELLIGENCE: 2
    AGILITY: 5
    LUCK: 5

    @Khanzer
    NAME: Reika Gladomain
    GENDER: Female
    RACE: Elf
    CLASS: Technocrat (former Priest)
    STRENGTH: 2
    PERCEPTION: 7
    ENDURANCE: 3
    CHARISMA: 8
    INTELLIGENCE: 9 (You were one short so I added it to this stat)
    AGILITY: 6
    LUCK: 5

    @1H4T3NUMB3R5
    NAME: Clopsalot (3rd KIA)
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Gnome
    CLASS: Mage
    STRENGTH: 3
    PERCEPTION: 1
    ENDURANCE: 10
    CHARISMA: 10
    INTELLIGENCE: 10
    AGILITY: 1
    LUCK: 5

    @Equivamp
    NAME: Taylor Yiffsmith (2nd KIA)
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Human
    CLASS: Rogue
    STRENGTH: 2
    PERCEPTION: 10
    ENDURANCE: 3
    CHARISMA: 1
    INTELLIGENCE: 5
    AGILITY: 10
    LUCK: 9

    @Aroukar
    NAME: Tecnas Vikong
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Human
    CLASS: Fighter
    STRENGTH: 9
    PERCEPTION: 6
    ENDURANCE: 9
    CHARISMA: 1
    INTELLIGENCE: 6
    AGILITY: 4
    LUCK: 5

    @Solution
    NAME: Dicky Domino
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Halfling
    CLASS: Rogue
    STRENGTH: 1
    PERCEPTION: 6
    ENDURANCE: 5
    CHARISMA: 6
    INTELLIGENCE: 6
    AGILITY: 8
    LUCK: 8

    @oddguy
    NAME: Odgoit (7th KIA)
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Human
    CLASS: Technocrat
    STRENGTH: 8
    PERCEPTION: 7
    ENDURANCE: 2
    CHARISMA: 8
    INTELLIGENCE: 8
    AGILITY: 4
    LUCK: 3
     
  3. Kenneth

    Kenneth
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    EDF Elite

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    Erm.. no thanks, Id rather play Dwarf Fortress than put myself through this. No wonder these forums are dying / thread
     
  4. Harpoons

    Harpoons
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    Fissure of Man

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  5. Greed

    Greed
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    Dramacrat

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    [​IMG]
    Seriously, simplify it
     
  6. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    I... I already did simplify it.
     
  7. oddguy

    oddguy
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    The Prime Memeister

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    Oh god... this sounds like something I would ruin.
     
  8. MrGask

    MrGask
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    #FreeGask

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    [​IMG]
    NAME: THUK BONEMEAL!
    GENDER: PROTOMALE
    RACE: DWARF
    CLASS: LACKING
    STRENGTH: 10
    PERCEPTION: 4
    ENDURANCE: 10
    CHARISMA: 1
    INTELLIGENCE: 1
    AGILITY: 4
    LUCK: 10

    URKENK HOFHIVH AASN!! DPSGFASD DSHAEGGLLDOXX OOGW!! *BITES SHIELD* *BASHES SELF OVER HEAD*
     
  9. SergeTrigger

    SergeTrigger
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    EDF Elite

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    NAME: Notbai Ar-ray
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Human
    CLASS: Fighter
    STRENGTH: 9
    PERCEPTION: 5
    ENDURANCE: 8
    CHARISMA :2
    INTELLIGENCE: 5
    AGILITY: 6
    LUCK: 5
     
  10. molb*

    molb*
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    NAME: Twink il Dandewinecooler
    GENDER: ???
    RACE: Elf
    CLASS: Rogue
    STRENGTH: 3
    PERCEPTION: 6
    ENDURANCE: 4
    CHARISMA: 7
    INTELLIGENCE: 4
    AGILITY: 10
    LUCK: 6
     
  11. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    @MrGask @SergeTrigger @molb* You all board a company ship heading for Arkgahria. The ship has around fifty passengers on it, all employees of the company, as well as thirty crew, including twenty slave rowers. On your way to Arkgahria the ship is attacked by pirates, who eventually board after softening her up with gr|apeshot and immobilising her with chainshot. Thuk and Notbai were on the lowest deck making fun of the slaves while Twink was in the aft cabin trying to seduce the captain. Pirates begin pouring onto the poop deck (hehe) and flooding the ship. Twink, the door leading outside is surrounded by enemies. Your only tangible choice is to escape through one of the windows and try to flank the enemy with your roguish skills. Thuk/Notbai, your only tangible choice is to rush upstairs and fight off enemies as they descend into the ship. Might I suggest you free the slaves beforehand so they may provide you with support/decoys/fodder?
     
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  12. MrGask

    MrGask
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    #FreeGask

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    ARRRHAHAHHAHSGSGSWEE! AH SHFIEE GEIS GIEKNVKNV EKKWW!!
    Thuk begins to chop a hole in the bottom of the boat, before fleeing the scuttled ship.
     
  13. Greed

    Greed
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    Dramacrat

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    NAME: Zagra, the Eviscerator
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Orc
    CLASS: Mage
    STRENGTH: 8
    PERCEPTION: 8
    ENDURANCE: 8
    CHARISMA: 3
    INTELLIGENCE: 5 (EDIT: Whoops too high)
    AGILITY: 3
    LUCK: 5
     
  14. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    Name; Klaus
    Gender; Male
    Race; The Master Race (Human.)
    Class; Priest.
    ST; 4
    Per; 8
    End; 8
    Cha; 4
    Int; 8
    Ag; 3
    Luck; 5
     
  15. Khanzer

    Khanzer
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    EDF official mascot

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    I didn't get it, um what type of magic you can use?
     
  16. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    Semen based magic.
    Ejaculate on your foes and curse them.

    Also welcome back.
     
  17. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    I see you read the rules.
     
  18. Greed

    Greed
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    Dramacrat

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    There
     
  19. uberfukken

    uberfukken
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    Rainmaker

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    NAME: Bogey Pinkeye
    GENDER: Male
    RACE: Orc
    CLASS: Fighter
    STRENGTH: 8
    PERCEPTION: 5
    ENDURANCE: 10
    CHARISMA: 5
    INTELLIGENCE: 2
    AGILITY: 5
    LUCK: 5
     
  20. Khanzer

    Khanzer
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    EDF official mascot

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    You're welcome and um is this ok?


    NAME: Reika Gladomain
    GENDER: Female
    RACE: Elf
    CLASS: Priest
    STRENGTH: 2
    PERCEPTION: 7
    ENDURANCE: 3
    CHARISMA: 8
    INTELLIGENCE: 8
    AGILITY: 6
    LUCK: 5
     
  21. molb*

    molb*
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    Twink's polished black leather ensemble receives a quick application of lubricating oil. The Elf deftly slides through the nearest window; passing through the small opening as easily as a surprise BM. Once on the deck, (s)he begins to skulk toward the melee.
     
  22. uberfukken

    uberfukken
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    Rainmaker

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    I WONT NOT STAND FOR THIS MOCKRY

    http://www.r-word.org/
     
  23. Khanzer

    Khanzer
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    That is one of the gayest site that I have see ಠ_ಠ
     
  24. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    These are my items that i started with.
    [​IMG]
     
  25. uberfukken

    uberfukken
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    Rainmaker

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    [​IMG]
     
  26. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    Klaus saunters into the village of Whateverthefuck, his shiny afro catches the sunlight and temporarily blinds a child playing with a stick by the side of a dirt path leading to the Inn.
    A women in a drab gray dress runs out of a little cottage to help the screaming child and is stopped by Klaus's amazing ebony physique.

    "Go with the grace of Ultranigger." rumbles Klaus while slowly walking away from the dumbstruck woman and child.
     
  27. uberfukken

    uberfukken
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    [ Bogey Pinkeye stands in the corner of the weapon shop, staring at the wall. He has been there for two weeks. The shopkeep pays no mind, as he has caused no disturbances and is providing the store with an illusion of security. Little does the shopkeep know that Bogey's original plan was to steal an ax, and within the next few moments, he will remember why he was there. ]

    ... Two hours later:

    * Bogey acquires "Replica Ax"
     
  28. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    @MrGask @SergeTrigger @molb* @Greed @$$Trooper @uberfukken @Khanzer Thuk smashes a hole in the ship and is immediately propelled backwards by the jet of water. He laughs heartily at the shackled slaves as they desperately try to remove their restraints while he and Notbai rush topside, fighting pirates along the way. They are quickly joined by Zagra, Klaus, Bogey and Reika, who have been awoken by the commotion. As the ship begins to steadily sink and the party fights its way towards the upper deck, Twink begins lobbying clusterbombs at the pirates which he had hid... on his person. An "OH SHI-" face dawns on every pirate's face as chaos ensures and they begin trying to get back to their ship or jumping into the water. Soon the entire party has taken control of their ship and decides to board the pirate ship, which is named the Hidden Viper.

    Between losing a chunk of their crew on the company ship, having a chunk of their crew overboard and having the remaining members fighting off the boarding party, they begin to surrender. Suddenly, the captain of the pirate ship barges out of his cabin and starts shooting at the party with his flintlock pistols. "Who ye be who be tryin ta take me vessel?" he shouts, at no one in particular. The pirate captain is an imposing seven foot tall Orc with a beard that reaches his waist and in full pirate garb. As the surrendering pirates see him, they stop surrendering and begin fighting again, with a perverse glee in their eyes. You look around to see all non-party members of your crew either dead or maimed. The pirates number ten or so, not including the pirate captain.

    The real battle has began.

    Protection Spells: Defensive spells to protection from magic and non-magic threats.
    Summon Spells: Summon creatures of all sorts.
    Domination Spells: Influence, take control of and otherwise fuck with people's minds.
    Illusion Spells: Create and dispel illusions.
    Invoke Spells: Summon magic missiles and shit.
    Necromance Spells: Bring people back to life and kill them again for your amusement.
    Deus Ex Machina Spells: Literally change the world around you on a molecular level.

    As a Priest you'll be much more powerful with Protection and Necromance spells while a lot less powerful with the rest.
     
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  29. 1H4T3NUMB3R5

    1H4T3NUMB3R5
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    NAME: Clopsalot the Purple
    GENDER: None
    RACE: Gnome
    CLASS: Mage
    STRENGTH: 3
    PERCEPTION: 1
    ENDURANCE: 10
    CHARISMA: 10
    INTELLIGENCE: 10
    AGILITY: 1
    LUCK: 5

    Tried to keep it realistic but then i wouldn't of been able to spend all my points :(
     
  30. Greed

    Greed
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    Dramacrat

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    Snarling in rage, Zagra mutters something in the ancient language. A large ball of fire erupts from his hands straight at the captain of the pirates.