Employed Ediots

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Helix, Aug 12, 2012.

  1. Helix

    Helix
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    resident stoner

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    For those of you lazy, talentless fucks who can actually hold a job, you've probably seen a few interesting things, even in the most mundane line of work. ITT: Share about your place of work, your position, interesting stories, ETC. I'm especially interested in any entertaining stories or complaints about customers, bosses, and so forth. I myself work at a restaurant when I'm not in school, I'm a bit of an odd jobber, I've worked shifts busing, running food, washing dishes, and once I turn twenty one I plan to work the bar and be a server, although they'll probably let me serve earlier.

    Anyhow, working at a restaurant is hard stuff. No breaks, no standing around like an asshole or blowing off responsibilities, you're on the customer's time. People want to come in, get their food, and get the fuck out. If you slack, everybody notices, and you get your ass fired. Enough bitching though, there's two things I want to share with you guys. First, what I find interesting about working there, and second, what pisses me off about customers. You can use this info however you will, but I should warn you, if you make restaurant workers mad enough, we WILL do nasty things to your food.

    Things that are interesting:
    Overhearing people's conversations. People tend to forget that the staff exist except when directly interacting with them for some reason. Just because we've got uniforms, doesn't mean we no longer have functioning ears, lol. Not that I'm complaining, I hear a lot of funny shit. For instance,

    "Yeah, she shat all over me, I wasn't into it at the time, but now I don't know."

    "Should you spit or swallow?" "(unclear) depends on how much money"

    "Jimmy Buffet doesn't smoke weed!"

    and so on. another thing that's fun about working at a restaurant is dealing with drunks. Some people count this as just another pain in the ass, but personally I enjoy interacting with stupid assholes who can't hold their wine. I even got to throw one out once.

    and of course, free fuckin' food!

    Things that piss me off:
    I'll refrain from making this list too long, but shit, it could get pretty long.

    I have to throw away a LOT of food. It gets a little depressing. Especially when it's shit that is so expensive, I could never eat it on a regular basis.

    children. FUCK CHILDREN. They smear the tables with their greasy fingers, get food fucking everywhere, and I have to clean up their stupid goddamn fucking coloring mats and crayons and all that other bullshit. Some kids at restaurants I just want to bean with an aluminum bat, I really do.

    The dish pit. Everything about it is absolutely putrid. They don't pay me enough to stand back there for five hours with the rotting food and the biblical swarms of fruit flies.

    Picky people. Yes, your chicken has a little pink in it. Every fucking chicken has a little bit of pink in it. Oh, sending it back anyways? I guess I'll just throw a whole goddamn chicken away. Whatever, yeah.

    There's so much more little things, but I won't go into it. Now u go.
     
  2. SPOOKY SKELETON

    SPOOKY SKELETON
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  3. Helix

    Helix
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    Fuck you, man. Can we actually get in one page of serious posts before this thread crashes and burns?
     
  4. SPOOKY SKELETON

    SPOOKY SKELETON
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    IT DEPENDS....IF YOU'RE READY FOR THE SPOOKING OF YOUR MORTAL LIFE!!!!!
     
  5. Helix

    Helix
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    resident stoner

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    [​IMG]
     
  6. Die In A Fire

    Die In A Fire
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    Presutable Woard

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    Fucking no.
     
  7. scumhook

    scumhook
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    I leik ur penk font.
     
  8. Helix

    Helix
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    You work, don't you? I remember saying that at some point.
     
  9. SPOOKY SKELETON

    SPOOKY SKELETON
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    I LIKE THE WAY YOU SHIVER AND COWER IN TERROR, MORTAL!
     
  10. Atomic_Joe

    Atomic_Joe
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    Well, there was this one time I saw a sand nigger get vaporized by his own IED. That was cool.
     
  11. scumhook

    scumhook
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    I work at being worthy of reading DIAF's pink font.

    I also work at repelling DIAF's minions of the night as they seek to Rape my soul.

    A hobby is derailing threads and wasting valuable internet storage with shit posts.
     
  12. SPOOKY SKELETON

    SPOOKY SKELETON
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    I ONLY SEEK TO SPOOK YOUR GUTS OFF!!!
     
  13. kibou

    kibou
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    :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
     
  14. SPOOKY SKELETON

    SPOOKY SKELETON
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    Dramacrat

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    GET READY FOR A SPOOKING, MORTAL!
     
  15. scumhook

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    I'm in the throes of pre-orgasmic ecstasy.

    Pls keep posting...
     
  16. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    I watched my boss smash a kittens head in.
    Grabbed it by the back legs and swung it against a brick wall a few times.

    I am not sure why she did it or whose cat it was.
     
  17. SPOOKY SKELETON

    SPOOKY SKELETON
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    Dramacrat

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    WHEN YOU STUMBLE INTO YOUR BATHROOM TO WASH THE ORGASM OFF YOUR TINY PUCKLE BEATER...I WILL BE HIDING IN YOUR MEDICINE CABINET AMONG THE SLEEPING PILLS...WAITING TO STRIKE AND SPOOK YOUR BRAINS OUT!!!!
     
  18. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    Are you sure you aren't hiding in Scumhooks medicine cabinet just so you can catch a peek of @scumhook small, scabby penis?
     
  19. SPOOKY SKELETON

    SPOOKY SKELETON
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    Dramacrat

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    HAH! I'VE SEEN BIGGER BONES..SUCH AS THE FEMUR...
     
  20. kibou

    kibou
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    Oppressed Minority

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    Why did she do that?

    Also do you work in a slughter house?

    I'm fairly certain that's what they do to kill piglets
     
  21. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    No idea.

    Nope, this was at a convenience store.
     
  22. Flu

    Flu
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    I'll help re-rail your thread, good sir:

    Being so skilled that I have no skills, I have worked an ASSLOAD of dumb, shitty jobs - and even a few good ones. But, for sake of time - and to convince those few users who think I'm lying about every "real life" post I make that I'm at it again, these are my three best work memories:

    1) I too worked in a restaurant. In my case, it was this shit Ramada Hotel restaurant that thought it was super classy. Most of the time the work was fine because I live in cowboy town, so most of the guests wanted their food delivered to their room and I'd get tips of money and weed really frequently.
    The bad part of the job was the Rocky Mountaineer, a rail tour train that stops in our city for a night. The only human cargo the damnable train carries are the elderly.
    That fateful night it stopped was the day AFTER Canada Day, when I had done acid all night and wasn't even supposed to work. And the guests were all Australian tourists. Australians as people are alright, but as guests they are the most absolute shit of people - they don't tip! @Helix, maybe you can back me up on this? On their gay little island, I'm told, tipping just isn't done. Doesn't mean it works that way here in Canada, you Common Wealth faggots.
    Anyway, I was strung the fuck out, hated my job, there was TONS of the super elderly packed into my restaurant all demanding instant service - and I knew no one was getting tipped this night.
    I tried my best to help them all. But this one old bitch cunt said to her husband [about me,] and I overheard: "He's not a very good waiter, is he?"

    (For the record, I was well loved by the good guest.)

    "Fuck this," thought I.

    I went up to the counter, called everyone's attention and when the whole restaurant stopped talking and focused, I flipped them the double bird (both middle fingers) and told them all to fuck right off out of my city. And, before the manager [violently] threw me out, I yelled "...and TIP YOUR GOD DAMN WAITER."

    This is easily my #1 work related masturbation scene. I sometimes play it over in my head when I'm feeling blue about my life choices. I got banned for life from the premises, but it was entirely worth it to double-finger about 50 oldies. One old guy even laughed, in a good way. So, he's a cool guy.

    2) A long, very long time ago, while still a young lad, I was doing work experience for high school at our Wal-Mart. I was in charge of stocking tins of pet food. The pet section in our Wal-Mart was directly next to the shitty watch and fake gold chain counter.
    I heard a terrible commotion and instantly stopped what I was doing (because working at Wal-Mart sucks) and went to check shit out.
    The super asshat security guard, a fat bald faggot who always wore a straw Florida coke dealer hat, had this old lady in a bear hug and was trying to violently jerk her from her wheelchair.
    I ran up to the guy and told him to fuck off. But, I guess even faggots get lucky - he told me to STFU and look: the lady, though old, had been stealing watches and chains by stashing them in a secret hollowed out compartment under the seat of her wheelchair which, it turns out, she didn't need.

    3) During my last tenure as a jr. grocery store manager, I wound up making several thousand dollars in ill-gotten gains over several years through an exploit in the system, which I was given the keys to. I used the main manager's access card just in case, so he'd take the blame if shit went wrong, giving me a chance to escape. I spent literally every dollar I stole on smack.
    And those days when I was given the power to give Caesar's thumbs-up or thumbs-down on shoplifters we caught, I'd almost always let them go, scott free. It seemed hypocritical of me to demand an arrest when I was far more guilty of fraud than they were of theft. Plus, they were fucking the American super giant chain and I liked that. However, before I let them go (to the chagrin of my underlings) I'd always leave them with the stern warning, "Don't let us catch you being a faggot in here ever again."

    So, that's about it. I eagerly await being called a liar.
     
  23. SPOOKY SKELETON

    SPOOKY SKELETON
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  24. Flu

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    What's your problem, solider?? You some kind of MUMMY'S BOY!!???

    [​IMG]
     
  25. Helix

    Helix
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    @Flu , I don't deal with australians very often so I wouldn't know. I will tell you that there are these bald-ass chinks that come in every friday dressed like monks, they crowd into as few tables as possible and then demand instant service, eat like pigs, and don't tip for shit. Of course, I always wind up cleaning up after them whilst busing, too.

    I myself have never actually had a job that was terribly shitty, but I have earned my share of ill gotten dollars. Senior year of high school I was one of the sole suppliers of bud to my campus. My friends and I had a nearly twenty plant outdoor grow running, and I had a guy who supplied me directly with medical weed which I could flip to stupid highschoolers for nearly double what he got it to me for. I never got caught either, I had a system.
     
  26. $$Trooper

    $$Trooper
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    I'm $$Trooper, a badass commie nigger.

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    We, as a people, haven't quite worked out this whole "Tipping" business.
    Hell, the jobs I've worked in won't allow workers to be tipped.
     
  27. SPOOKY SKELETON

    SPOOKY SKELETON
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    Dramacrat

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    HAWW HAWW! THAT WAS A GOOD JOKE! I SLAPPED MY KNEECAP!
    BUT SERIOUSLY, MUMMIES ARE SUBSKELETON AND INCOMPARABLE TO THE LIKES OF US. IF YOU MAKE ANOTHER WISECRACK LIKE THAT AGAIN, I WILL HAVE TO SPOOK YOUR WILLY OFF!!!!!!!!!!
     
  28. Sugar Bombs

    Sugar Bombs
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    Daddy

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    I used to work at a 7-11 gas station a couple of years ago.
    I quit due to the store getting held up, and wrote them a letter.
    It's easier to copy/paste it than to type out my actual experience.
    I still have it saved, and here it is.

    Needless to say, I have never used them as a reference.
     
  29. Flu

    Flu
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    SKELETON, I can't tell your fortune - I'm not much at BLEEDING palms, but the way you keep... rattling...on. Are you trying to get MORGUE for your money!!????
     
  30. Flu

    Flu
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    Also your country sucks because it's like Super America lite what with your shit super crazy politicos and genuinely surprising xtian values... and then there was that Great Firewall china-style scare a few years back. How can jail breakers and bushmen become such huge pussies?? wtf man.