EDF Obituary Column

Discussion in 'Your Shitty Projects' started by FlamingTofuSquare, Jul 30, 2012.

  1. FlamingTofuSquare

    FlamingTofuSquare
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    Dramatis Personæ

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    Since I am transcribing obits IRL, I came up with a fun time wasting idea to write each other's obituaries. Only 2 requirements - ONE, you cannot write your own, and TWO, you must include how/where their remains are interred, disposed of, defiled, etc. (even if it's "body was never recovered due to chicken apocalypse"). Also, please tag the subject of the obit in the the opening of your text so they can read your beautiful tributes.

    EDIT: Also, let's go oldschool and include how they died. None of this PC sensitivity bullshit. Dude, if he/she/it died with a banana up their ass as part of a serial banana rape spree, we need to know.
     
  2. Solution

    Solution
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    Everyone is boring

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    rip balls.
    Today, 30 August the year of our LULZ 2012, we mark the passing of our beloved OP.​
    Party comrades! People’s comrades!
    It was the gravest hour of our people as the news reached us today that our Führer died fighting in the Reich capital. History will one day proclaim what he was to us old National Socialists, what he strived to achieve for his people. He leaves behind the immortal idea of the National Socialist Reich, which obligates us to remain true to our people in our people’s deepest need, to work for this people, to live and die for it.
     
  3. FlamingTofuSquare

    FlamingTofuSquare
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    Dramatis Personæ

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    I only have a month to live? Oh noes!

    Obit details are non-specific to me and strange, but I do enjoy the rainbow arch.
     
  4. Solution

    Solution
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    Everyone is boring

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    OP still haunts us from the grave, if you listen close to every thread you can hear its eery call
    "FAAAAAAAAGOOOOOOOOT"
    the-exorcist-73209.
     
  5. Purple Essence

    Purple Essence
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    Ediot

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    4chan jokes got old a couple years ago. Try again.
     
  6. scumhook

    scumhook
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    Managing account details

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    @oddguy

    Died while moving a thread.

    He is survived by his baby mod, @uberfukken and a mother that wishes she'd never given birth to him.

    The last thing that cared about him, his cat, died a while ago; much to the lutz of EDF.

    The greater EDF community didn't notice he was dead for a week, at which time a neighbour noticed a smell coming from his profile.

    RIP Odd.

    Have fun wherever Jews go when they die.
     
  7. Solution

    Solution
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    Everyone is boring

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    BC11.
     
  8. Harpoons

    Harpoons
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    Fissure of Man

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    @Rev Junco

    He died of blood loss after suffering severe rectal lacerations, most likely caused by knotting his wolfdog until he prolapsed and not being mad when it started to gnaw his pink sock.

    He will not be missed.
     
  9. tokumei

    tokumei
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    EDF Elite

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    @PerpetuallyAroused couldn't swim, so he asked @Trixie to carry him across the river. Recalling an earlier promise of a back-stabbing, Trixie was afraid of being stabbed during the trip. PerpA argued that if he stabbed Trixie, she'd sink and he would drown. She agreed and begun to carry Perpa, but midway across the river PerpA did indeed stab Trixie, dooming them both. When asked why, PerpA said it was in his nature to battle GOTIS.
     
  10. CallMeMaggot

    CallMeMaggot
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    Girlvinyl

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  11. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Girlvinyl

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    @Drmusic2010

    Died at the age of 22 from hoarding her crazy pills for a month and a half, knocking them back with a 2-liter of Pepsi, turning on the Blues Brothers, and found dead two days later in a pool of her own vomit, shit, blood, piss and period blood with a blood and piss-saturated Ty ragdoll inside her vag.

    Buried in a Jane Doe grave at taxpayers' expense.
     
  12. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Girlvinyl

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    @Rev Junco

    Dies at the age of 16 from being eaten by an anaconda that escaped from a zoo after bailing from an Orthodox Jewish foster home when his mother finally gets busted for furnishing him with alcohol, tobacco, whores and illegal drugs. Buried in a child's coffin as a garbage bag full of snake shit.
     
  13. Trixie

    Trixie
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    The Nicest Poster on EDF2

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    i'm not afraid of being stabbed by him...
    in fact, i welcome it, tacomei!
     
  14. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Girlvinyl

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    And for those ediots who frequent Documenting Reality (here's looking at you, @endsenten!), the @Rev Junco obit is a regurgitated Andria Kilgore quote adapted to EVERETT JUNCO's situation.
     
  15. Rev

    Rev
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    I turn 17 in 3 months. Better make sure it's quick.

    No shit.
     
  16. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Girlvinyl

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    I was under the impression that you were 13 or 14. Pardon me. And if you gugol "garbage bag of snake shit" in quotes like so, THE ONLY reply comes from someone banned on DR, named "Andria". That was me.
     
  17. Rev

    Rev
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    Fucks given? None.
     
  18. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Girlvinyl

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    Go fuck your wolfdog.
     
  19. Rev

    Rev
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    EDF Elite

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    First name Jim, last name Bob
    Still none
     
  20. xy0xy1

    xy0xy1
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    EDF Hero

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    @minty

    died of anoxia while swordfighting with @oddguy on top of an airplane in flight. poor @minty didn't bring any breathing apparatus. @oddguy died anyway 6 months later due to solar radiation
     
  21. PerpetuallyAroused

    PerpetuallyAroused
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    Girlvinyl

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    surprisingly I find this an apt metahpor, I would die to battle gotis.
     
  22. Trixie

    Trixie
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    The Nicest Poster on EDF2

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    still waiting to be rap.ed by you....
    :: looks @ watch & taps foot::
     
  23. endsenten

    endsenten
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    Knows where you sleep

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    I don't frequent DR. I have an account there without comments, that's about it.
     
  24. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Girlvinyl

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    You have 2 invites. Please invite me back, I will use a Tor or HotSpotShield IP instead of the one they banned.
     
  25. Andria Kilgore

    Andria Kilgore
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    Girlvinyl

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    @endsenten

    Murdered and scissor-Raped by @Drmusic2010 on a vacation to New Zealand. Only mourned by ediots, buried in a Jane Doe grave at NZ taxpayers' expense.
     
  26. Aroukar

    Aroukar
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    On this day, the year of our Lord 2012, we regret to inform the populace of a sad affair. It is with a heavy heart that we tell of the passing of one of the most beloved, respected, and upstanding citizens of Edington, Edgland. The venerable Earl of Edington, his Grace, Lord @scumhook Assenfucke of Shiite. The Lord lost his life when he was treacherously stabbed from behind by a knife in his anal cavity, resulting in grievous and mortal harm. The Lord died several hours later after falling into unconsciousness several times and lossing blood to hemorrhage. His last words were: "I knew I should have not paid that much money to that Manila girl. Fucking Skank." The remains were disposed of by processing his flesh and distributed to the populace of Edington, as indicated in Lord Scumhook's last will and testament. This day, the good people of Edington will mourn their loss by consuming the flesh of the late Earl. This action will surely cause them to rejoice, which will please Lord Scumhook in the Heavens as he stands beside the Father smoking the ambrosial weed.