coolfag's vagina

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by Flu, Jun 30, 2012.

  1. Flu

    Flu
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    1,778
    Occupation:
    milk man
    Home Page:
    i'd like to pinch it between my thumb and forefinger, not hard so to bruise it, but like the master of the orchard pinches fruit to acknowledge it is ripe.
    i'd like to smell it. i'll bet it carries naught a trace of scent, but is much like water to your tongue when absolutely parched- it would have no smell, but the effect would be instantly pleasing and the smell indescribable. in much the same way, her pussy juice might be like the best vodka, being tasteless, but entirely intoxicating.
    her hair would be so soft, as to be inviting, that a man should lay face first inside it, that he might stop licking but fall asleep atop its silk-like spun fibers and each time he should awaken, to find himself face first in the most lovable twat to grace the earth, time and time, over and over again. sublime.
    her lips would be much like the ones on her face, only pinker. pinker than even those of a rosy cheek of some 5 yo. her vagina would be a constant colour of virginity, a cherry tree always in blossom.
    but she would not be so angelic as to be unapproachable - for just a few inches down from my nose, and almost immediate from my chin and tongue, would be the dirt road. only on coolfag, it would not be dirt - it would be paved and riding that road would be easy. her asshole would be very much like her vagina is: pink and subtle, and would be as tight as her vagina was - which is to praise the quality of her vag: asshole tight.

    she would not be unapproachable. her back would arch and both holes, like two moons, or two suns, would appear - and all that night would be... enchanted.
     
  2. Harpoons

    Harpoons
    Expand Collapse
    Fissure of Man

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Messages:
    4,564
    [​IMG]
     
  3. Dr. Rice

    Dr. Rice
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    8,979
    Occupation:
    Small Business Wizard
    Home Page:
  4. uberfukken

    uberfukken
    Expand Collapse
    Rainmaker

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2011
    Messages:
    24,324

    [​IMG]





    [​IMG]
     
  5. Lloyd

    Lloyd
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Hero

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2011
    Messages:
    1,410
    You actually have quite the writing talent. You should think up some fancy (female) Nom de Plume and give Fifty Shades of Gay a run for its money.

    I heard that "author" was raking in over a million A WEEK right now, and so could you.
     
  6. rageahol

    rageahol
    Expand Collapse
    Dramacrat

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2012
    Messages:
    119
    ITSFANFICTION.
     
  7. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2011
    Messages:
    6,368
    Too late, i already took up the mantle of poetry in the too many long times you were gone for, for no fucking reason.
     
  8. MrGask

    MrGask
    Expand Collapse
    #FreeGask

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2011
    Messages:
    12,133
    Occupation:
    Bastard child of Jigsaw and Kayako
    Home Page:
    I imagine her vagoo tastes like Meekrat.
     
  9. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2011
    Messages:
    6,368
    Meek rat? or MeerKat?

    either way.

    [​IMG]
     
  10. MrGask

    MrGask
    Expand Collapse
    #FreeGask

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2011
    Messages:
    12,133
    Occupation:
    Bastard child of Jigsaw and Kayako
    Home Page:
    Whateverthefuick his name was.
    marefag_endless_makeout__by_kepingindarurat-d3bqqqz.
     
  11. Flu

    Flu
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    1,778
    Occupation:
    milk man
    Home Page:
    Oh man, you can't know the depth of my rage regarding that shit. I mean, what began as one dumb bitch's twilight fan fic spank story, that was then tweeked and sold to shitty people (housewives), and then the instant money starts. FUCK HER. I've been writing UNPARALLELED filth for longer than that bitch, but unlike her, I never take myself seriously enough to ever seek publishing, because I understand it's all crap.

    Fuck that cunt so much, not just for her money, but for the simple fact that all along, she thought she was good enough to be published the whole time. And then some chump bought it.
    Do you know what I'd do with her money? I would never, ever stop doing drugs. I would simply fade away, stay high, and then, in some point of the mysterious future, resurface with another smutty book -- but I'd never take myself so seriously, like that useless bitch does. I'd maybe even use my money to assassinate her, and her legion of housewives. (Good riddance.)
     
  12. Flu

    Flu
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    1,778
    Occupation:
    milk man
    Home Page:
    His name was Meerkat. I thought he was a furry for the longest time, but ultimately, he was a good sort. However, because he's a modern day viking, which is to say, a dirty Euro super-Liberal, and therefore not possessing any sort of penis, manly smell, or muscle mass, it would be as though Coolfag were untouched all along. It would simply be like her virginity was shelved, put away. Her cunt would remain tasteless... until I got in there.
     
  13. Khanzer

    Khanzer
    Expand Collapse
    EDF official mascot

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2011
    Messages:
    7,516
    Occupation:
    Wizard
    You will rape her?
     
  14. Lloyd

    Lloyd
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Hero

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2011
    Messages:
    1,410
    Haha, it must be really bad. I have to admit I only know about it from hearsay and watching American late-night TV, because here in Germany it's not a thing.

    Mostly because our middle-class housewives roll different. Instead of lighting some putrid-ass scented candles and jacking off in the bathtub with some book that they then talk about with their "BFFS" from work or church or whatever - our housewives go to a swinger club and suck strangers' dicks and piss on each other.
     
  15. rageahol

    rageahol
    Expand Collapse
    Dramacrat

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2012
    Messages:
    119
    My sister in law gave such a glowing review that I was actually kinda looking forward to reading it.

    It's just so stupid. I thought the Beauty series was an unreadable collection of cheap wank fodder, but these books are really just terrible. The fact that it's going to be a movie makes me want to go live in a cave deep underground and never have to deal with this shit again.
     
  16. Trixie

    Trixie
    Expand Collapse
    The Nicest Poster on EDF2

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    5,805
    Occupation:
    I work in a library.
    flu- you have a gift....
    you should really write a dirty book.
     
  17. scumhook

    scumhook
    Expand Collapse
    Managing account details

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    20,016
    Occupation:
    Fellator of the homeless
    Home Page:
    Is that one on the left @Ronny ?
     
  18. Weezus Christ

    Weezus Christ
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Savior

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Messages:
    8,886
    Occupation:
    breakfast mummy
    Home Page:
    Probably
     
  19. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2011
    Messages:
    6,368
    @Lloyd What the fuck are you two talking about? Twilight? Stephanie Meyer? What the fuck is it?

    Anyway, i have quiet the urge to diverge any who seeks to climb pubic mountain, beefrave's manatee has claimed countless lives to this day, they say when birds are quiet and beasts asleep, and the wind quietly sweeps across fair sleeping manatee of a wife's naked body, you can hear the moans deep inside her cunny-comb still to this day trying to find their way, to once more see the light of day, those souls went missing deep inside the labyrinth of the wife of beefrave, that labyrinth of cunt so big and so cavernous and a treacherous climb has been the death of many brave men.
    Do not climb her pubic mountain @Flu whatever you do, this is one pussy with which you do not screw.
    Never go there or you shall vanish with naught of a trace, trapped deep in the bowels of that deep dark place.
     
  20. rageahol

    rageahol
    Expand Collapse
    Dramacrat

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2012
    Messages:
    119
  21. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2011
    Messages:
    6,368
    That shit should be banned.
     
  22. Trixie

    Trixie
    Expand Collapse
    The Nicest Poster on EDF2

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    5,805
    Occupation:
    I work in a library.
    today, a patron was talking about how poorly written it was.

    @flu- your writing is pure magic.
     
  23. rageahol

    rageahol
    Expand Collapse
    Dramacrat

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2012
    Messages:
    119
    It is in some libraries. They say it's because of sexual content but if a public library has copies of Josephine and Naked Lunch but chooses to ban Fifty Shades, it's a quality issue.
     
  24. Trixie

    Trixie
    Expand Collapse
    The Nicest Poster on EDF2

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    5,805
    Occupation:
    I work in a library.
    our library has 300 copies & over 2300 requests for it...
    it was over 2500 @ one point.

    it took our system completely off guard.

    plus there's two more books in the series....
    50 shades darker & 50 shades freed.
     
  25. Dr. Rice

    Dr. Rice
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    8,979
    Occupation:
    Small Business Wizard
    Home Page:
    @Trixie is there any Marqus de Sade at your library?
     
  26. Trixie

    Trixie
    Expand Collapse
    The Nicest Poster on EDF2

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    5,805
    Occupation:
    I work in a library.
    i don't know...
    i know we got henry miller.

    looked it up: we got one book- The mystified magistrate and other tales
     
  27. Lloyd

    Lloyd
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Hero

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2011
    Messages:
    1,410
    I'm talking about "50 Shades of Gray", a Twilight fanfic that is now a bestselling "erotica" novel apparently read by millions housewives all over the USA. The author did nothing except change all the names before publishing it - I have read excerpts and it's truly just your run-of-the-mill soft-BDSM Mary Sue bullshit.

    It's really comically bad like most fanfic, but the "author", some fat old white hag, is making more than a mill per week of it currently.
     
  28. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2011
    Messages:
    6,368
    And then when people tire of it?

    How will she compete when professional erotica writers launch their own superior versions?
     
  29. Ronny

    Ronny
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2011
    Messages:
    2,466
    Occupation:
    dago
    don't tag me in gay threads like this
     
  30. ExplosiveDiareah

    ExplosiveDiareah
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2011
    Messages:
    6,368
    Pussy so vile, it smells of bile, crabs so large they spread disease like rats on a barge.
    Touch it do not, wrought with rot, giant sores oozing pus, pubic hairs tangled and trussed.
    This my friend, is not for your bell end, herpes and sores crabs and fungus, smells like the stop of a bus.
    Pussies beware in for a scare, disease in sex like a witch's hex, sores and boils pimples and warts.
    Use a condom just to be sure, you my friend @Flu do not want to have a cold sore.