Come Play The Worst Fucking Game Of D&D In History With Me.

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by oddguy, Mar 16, 2013.

?

Am I the Best DM?

  1. Yes.

    35.0%
  2. No.

    40.0%
  3. Cocks.

    50.0%
  4. I HATH SHAT MINE TASSETS, 'TIS A MONSTROUS ITCH THAT BEGATS MINE RUMPE HENCEFORTH

    35.0%
  5. I would rather castrate myself with blunt rocks.

    40.0%
  6. Hello! :D

    25.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    Today we will be playing Dungeons & Dragons.

    I WILL BE YOUR DUNGEON MASTER!!!

    [​IMG]


    Bear in mind that I have never played DnD before, have no idea what the rules are or what this game even is and all my information about it is derived from pop culture references and the 20 minutes of research I had done prior to making this thread.

    RULES-

    Here are the rules as far as I understand them: The game will have six players (not including me), each will have to make a character for himself and I will tell them what is going on around them. I decide where they are, what they are doing, and when they try to do a thing I decide if the thing they do worked or not.

    Also, sometimes I will ask them to go to this link- http://www.d20srd.org/extras/d20dicebag/ and cast a die according to my instructions. This is purely for the sake of theatrics because I am making up the rules as I go along so fuck you.

    Furthermore, I reserve the right to cheat, lie, steal, ret-con, add people to the game, kick people out of the game, skip peoples turns, ignore peoples turn, and run the game however I see fit in accordance with whatever I think will be most funny to me.

    There are no turns and the rule book is up my ass so don't bother arguing with me.

    PLAYERS-

    Character sheet:

    If you wish to participate in the game please fill out this character sheet -

    Character Name:
    Race:
    Starting Class:
    (I don't know what this is, and unless you are a massive nerd neither should you. So make something up if you want because it will have no effect on the game anyway since I don't understand it.)
    Alignment: I have no idea what this means so screw it.
    Religion:
    (I am copying these of a sheet on the internet... I don't know what religion has to do with the game but i'm sure it will be more funny to leave it in.)

    Ability scores: (Just pick a number)

    Strength -
    Speed -
    Dexterity - You don't need this. You're fighting dragons, not building model ships.
    Constitution - This world has no constitution. Slavery is still A-Okay!
    Intelligence -
    Wisdom - This looks like the same as intelligence to me so fuck it.
    Charisma -
    Whatever else you want because I don't care -

    There is no need to stick to the instructions because I will ignore what you wrote anyway.
    Feel free to add whatever else you like... even a drawing!
    The players will be the first six people to fill out this form, unless I find them boring and decide to let someone else play the game instead of them.

    Currently Playing:

    Slot 1-

    @Whatever
    Character Name: Fig Newton
    Race: Pretentious Elf
    Starting Class: Wizard
    Religion: Hispterdom


    Slot 2-

    @Harpoons
    Character Name: FAGDOR
    Race: PERSON WHO CAN ONLY SPEAK IN ALL CAPS
    Starting Class: DEFENDER OF THE THRONE


    Slot 3-

    @Lord Raptor
    Character Name: Bart Furtron
    Race: Yellow-skinned ghoul
    Starting Class: Fighting ghoul
    Religion: Member of the Order of the Giant Snobbish Maggot

    [​IMG]

    Slot 4-

    @milwin
    Character Name: munfmunf
    Race: Toast
    Starting Class: thief
    Religion: The holy toast god


    Slot 5-

    @Jakebob
    Character Name: Quaesitor
    Race: Nigger
    Starting Class: Tax collector
    Religion: Hinduism

    Slot 6-

    Got bored and didn't bother waiting for more people to join.
    I'll add someone later.

    @madh8r joined last minute.

    Character Name: Fuck Nugget
    Race: Half-Farspawn Vasharian
    Starting Class: Monk
    (I don't know what this is, and unless you are a massive nerd neither should you. So make something up if you want because it will have no effect on the game anyway since I don't understand it.)
    Alignment: CE
    Religion: Raised in the Monastary of Rallaster

    Ability scores: (Just pick a number)

    Strength - 24/ +7
    Dexterity - 14/+2
    Constitution - 26/+8
    Intelligence - 8/-1
    Wisdom - 22/+6
    Charisma - 10/+0

    Madh8r is lost, presumed dead.

    Slot 7-

    We need someone to replace madh8r.

    @MrGask
    Character Name: Lord SparkleFlower
    Character Class: Paladin Pimp
    Weapon: The cursed Black dildo, Archoron.
    Rides: His bottom bitch, Betty.

    [​IMG]



    THE GAME SO FAR-

    Here is where I will edit in the events of the game so far so that people don't have to read the entire thread to understand what is going on.

    [​IMG]

    LET THE GAME BEGIN!
     
  2. Lord Raptor

    Lord Raptor
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    2,112
    Character Name: Bart Furtron
    Race: Yellow-skinned ghoul
    Starting Class: Fighting ghoul
    Religion: Member of the Order of the Giant Snobbish Maggot
     
  3. CallMeMaggot

    CallMeMaggot
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    14,477
    Home Page:
    [​IMG]

    4648873017_c0650bd1ef.
     
  4. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    So your race is Asian... Got it.
     
  5. TheBrickBalls

    TheBrickBalls
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2011
    Messages:
    2,030
    Occupation:
    Gay Nigger
    Home Page:
    Which edition are we playing? I would like to play second edition AD&D. THAC0 made so much more sense than what was in the third.

    Also, @Lyle plays DDO. Come back Lyle!
     
  6. Lord Raptor

    Lord Raptor
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    2,112
    It actually supposed to be something like this

    [​IMG]
     
  7. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    I don't know or care.
     
  8. Harpoons

    Harpoons
    Expand Collapse
    Fissure of Man

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Messages:
    4,561
    I AM FAGDOR, DEFENDER OF THE THRONE OF THIS IS THE WORST IDEA YOU'VE EVER HAD ODDGUY
     
  9. CallMeMaggot

    CallMeMaggot
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    14,477
    Home Page:
    Son of Fagon, heir of the Butplug Throne
     
  10. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    My first decision as dungeon master is that if you play you may only talk in ALL CAPS in character.

    You can't play as his son.
    That would make this incest.
     
  11. HeliosOne

    HeliosOne
    Expand Collapse
    Chibi Warrior

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2012
    Messages:
    5,700
    Occupation:
    The Second Forum Saint
    Home Page:
    No come play my lord! 0/10 would not play
    [​IMG][​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
  12. CallMeMaggot

    CallMeMaggot
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    14,477
    Home Page:
    I'm afraid I don't understand your gibberish, Chancellor Omoalot
     
  13. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    Good.
    The game is already going well.
     
  14. Whatever

    Whatever
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Messages:
    1,310
    Occupation:
    Existing
    Character Name: Fig Newton
    Race: Pretentious Elf
    Starting Class: Wizard
    Religion: Hispterdom

    Considering that this entire game is up to you, I feel that stats are going to be worthless and pointless, so not going to bother.
     
  15. uberfukken

    uberfukken
    Expand Collapse
    Rainmaker

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2011
    Messages:
    24,299
    I only play Battletech :glasses: :glasses: :glasses:
     
  16. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    You are definitely playing.

    I wanted someone to be a wizard.
     
  17. Harpoons

    Harpoons
    Expand Collapse
    Fissure of Man

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Messages:
    4,561
    VERILY, THIS GAME SHALL LAST NO LONGER THAN A CRIPPLE'S PACE SO IT BEARS NO CONSEQUENCE TO ME, KNAVE
     
  18. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    Okay, you're in the game.
     
  19. HeliosOne

    HeliosOne
    Expand Collapse
    Chibi Warrior

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2012
    Messages:
    5,700
    Occupation:
    The Second Forum Saint
    Home Page:
    when does the game start?
     
  20. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    When I have six people who filled out the character sheet and whom I don't think will be boring.
     
  21. Lord Raptor

    Lord Raptor
    Expand Collapse
    Girlvinyl

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    2,112
    Apparently the Bottom Feeder race didn't make an impression on Odd Cadet.
     
  22. Jakebob

    Jakebob
    Expand Collapse
    Dramacrat

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2013
    Messages:
    105
    Occupation:
    master trole 2013
    Character Name: Quaesitor
    Race: Nigger
    Starting Class: Tax collector
    Religion: Hinduism
     
  23. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    Oops, forgot you.

    Not sure about you.
    Our cast is getting a bit repetitive.
     
  24. HeliosOne

    HeliosOne
    Expand Collapse
    Chibi Warrior

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2012
    Messages:
    5,700
    Occupation:
    The Second Forum Saint
    Home Page:
    I can be the healer, Im a restoration shaman
     
  25. Jakebob

    Jakebob
    Expand Collapse
    Dramacrat

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2013
    Messages:
    105
    Occupation:
    master trole 2013
    Obvious discrimination towards Hindus.
     
  26. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    :|
    None of the people I think are fun are joining in... This quest party is going to suck... I'll just infect them all with HIV on the first turn...
     
  27. HeliosOne

    HeliosOne
    Expand Collapse
    Chibi Warrior

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2012
    Messages:
    5,700
    Occupation:
    The Second Forum Saint
    Home Page:
    That's because you are a terrible dungeon master and the only reference you have about the game is the Dexter Lab's Episode about dungeon and dragons
     
  28. Whatever

    Whatever
    Expand Collapse
    EDF Elite

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Messages:
    1,310
    Occupation:
    Existing
    Helios is already the healer, which means he can cure AIDS with magic or some bullshit.
    You are the worst DM ever.
     
  29. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    Bitch please... I also watched that shitty movie and that cartoon from the 80s and stuff like that... Just wait till the game gets started. You'll see.
     
  30. oddguy

    oddguy
    Expand Collapse
    The Prime Memeister

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    26,843
    Occupation:
    rare deepwater jew
    Home Page:
    We haven't started playing yet and I don't know if he is in the party yet.
    And I am the best DM.