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Discussion in 'Your Shitty Projects' started by minty, Jul 29, 2015.
With minto in charge, our demise was a foregone conclusion...
But it was a fun ride
today is totally what was then tomorrow...
trust me on this. i know things
You go to your trunk, pop it open, and take out a clean oil rag. You don't wanna leave any evidence if you can help it. A break in the clouds illuminates the corpse as you head back and you see the midget is dressed in a green two-piece suit with matching buckled shoes and there's a top hat nearby. It's the middle of August. Who the fuck dressed up like the Lucky Charms mascot when it's not St. Patrick's Day or Halloween? Your confusion is brief and quickly overcome by the strong urge to get the body in a ditch and covered as quickly as possible. Using the rag to cover your hands, you roll the little colorful fucker into the ditch and begin tossing some dirt and twigs on him. As you're covering the body, a small wind picks up and you hear what sounds like whispering in the trees around you. You hear the sound of wood cracking to your left.
*queues in for the next adminture*
alright... @Skaves would have had B since all the others are taken... but she hasn't replied at all, yet, so ima be a lazy fuck here n skip that until she posts again
YOU CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HIT SOMEONE WITH YOUR CAR! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! YOU'RE A FUCKING TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING!
You feel very panicked but you push that down for now and decide to go check for a pulse. You head to the body and a break in the clouds illuminates it for a moment. You see bite marks that your car didn't cause. The midget's eyes open revealing two milky white pupils. It begins to rise, lifting its broken body on its shattered limbs. It lurches toward you, moaning and reaching with its mangled fingers. You run panicked and screaming into the woods. Stumbling your way through the uneven terrain, branches smack you in the face and catch your shirt, tearing small holes. You run out of breath and stop. Your heart beats loudly in your ears and you try to calm down. Your mind races and one thought is much louder than the others: "If there's more than one of them out here, it's not safe to be in the dark alone."
Paranoia begins to set in. Every noise is an undead zombie midget trying to eat your kneecaps off, and you have nothing to defend yourself with.
A. Try to make it back to your car
B. Climb a tree and wait for daylight
You look around before getting out of your car. Nobody is around. The meat is fresh and you might is well toss it in the trunk, clean it, and call it dinner when you get home. You pull your car ahead of the body and pop the trunk open. As you head out to toss the body in, a break in the clouds allows the moon to shine through, revealing fish gills, webbed fingers, and an odd bone structure on the face of your victim. A little strange looking, but it's not like you're averse to eating seafood so you haul the corpse into the trunk and re-start your drive home. A few minutes into the drive and you begin hearing strange sounds from your trunk. Movement. You slow down and turn the radio off. There's audible knocking and panicked noises.
A. Pull over and let the meal out
B. Continue home and finish the job in your garage
btw... in case you didn't notice
this is what the title WOULD be if this were a real choose your own adventure book
B - These stories need more Aldi
next posts will be tomorrow
You continue driving but the banging in the trunk gets louder and louder, eventually popping open after repeated assaults. You hear your prey jump out of the trunk. You stop the car and follow the fish midget into the woods. The midget wobbles very quickly and you begin to lose him. He makes it to a clearing and you can see a lake in the distance. Stripping its clothes off it runs into the water while shrieking eerily. One by one, more fish people appear, emerging from the water and peering into the woods. The don't see you yet.
A. Wait and see what happens
B. Quietly flee the scene
You decide to seek refuge in the warm, loving branches of an oak tree. You climb just high enough to be out of arms reach of any people, but low enough to maintain a visual of the ground when the sun rises. After a while, you end up falling asleep with your head against the trunk.
You awaken to the sound of moaning. The tree is surrounded by 7 or 8 zombies, their arms reaching up just inches below the branch you're on. The rest of the area is seemingly empty.
A. Try to jump over the crowd
B. Stay put
Your eyes sweep the area as you finish covering the corpse. You could swear you hear whispering in the trees. You run-walk back to the car, kicking dirt over any shoeprints you leave.
Speeding away from the scene, you feel less concerned about the body you hit and more concerned about the noises afterwards. A little paranoid, you see brighter shades of green in the woods in your peripheral view while driving. 30 minutes later a dead bear is laying in the road with a sign tied to it that says "You're next murderer" written in blood. Most of the road is blocked by the body.
A. Try to navigate the car around the bear anyway
B. Try to scoot the body enough to keep the car on the road
sorry bout the lateness... new semester just started and i'm trying to get settled into the schedule. i'll still be doing this though, although i'll stop saying when the next posts will be so i'm not lying anymore...
A as in "Assaulting Anuses with Armadillos"
i dunno for sure where the stories are going yet but i think everybody's gonna die...
Although it'd make a great rug, I'm not getting out of the fucking car.
You decide to hide behind a tree and stay there. They may see you if you run. Fear wells up creating a knot in your belly and your heart races as the fish people get closer and begin to work through the woods around you. They make clicking noises with their tongues as they fan out. You can hear one come up behind the tree you are up against. You hold your breath and stand perfectly still. Some clicking up ahead seems to draw the attention of the group. You see a hint of shine in one of the fish peoples' hands. Your lucky lighter. It must've fallen out of your pocket while you were running. Fuck.
A. Fight for your beloved trinket
B. Make a break for it while they're distracted
You decide to try and jump over the crowd. If you get a good distance and somersault roll out of it you can keep your momentum and make it out. You stand on the branch and inch out from the tree trunk, eyeballing a spot with plenty of leaf coverage to provide padding for the landing. You brace yourself, take a deep breath, and start counting.
The branch snaps in half and you fall on the pile of groaning undead. Hands rip at your clothes and skin, followed by hungry mouths. You scream as flesh is pulled from your body with fingers and mouth. Blood spills out from your wounds and your last view of the world is of your neck getting torn out by zombie teeth.
You steer carefully towards the small gap near the bear corpse, lamenting leaving the delicious bear meat behind. Another time and place and you could've had it taxidermied, tossed some wheels on the feet, and ridden it around while drunk.
Keeping your eye on the road and inching slowly, you start to brush up against the bear on the left. The right side of the car starts to slowly skid sideways into the loose, dry dirt. You pull the steering wheel to the left and hit the gas to try and get your car free but the lack of traction just makes the tires spin. The car's stuck.
You check your cell phone. No service. Not the best situation to be in, but you don't become comfortable with vehicular homicide while being a nice person.
A. Go for the handgun in the glove box
B. Try for the shotgun in the trunk
You're fat, Grimace
Can I at least make a cameo in someone else's adventure as zombie Grimace?
it's the second act.... second act is supposed to be the slow downer after an energetic first act. don't you know anything about art, you pleb? /pretentiousness
yes. i already had that in mind. first person to die last round made a cameo too.
on a sidenote i'm real sad skaves didn't show up... i wrote all this horror-themed scenario shit n she didn't show up. fuckin' cunt
Yeah and then after is the climactic 3rd act where good triumphs over evil, the hero gets the girl, the mcnuggies are saved and ethics are restored to game journalism. doo u ebin litterachures?
i mostly just read history books and textbooks these days... i was thinking more about symphonies... do you even felix mintelssohn?
also, anybody who wants to can take a second trip through the story machine... i think the next go-through is gonna involve time travel
yeah fuck you @Skaves @Skaves @Skaves @Skaves @Skaves @Skaves @Skaves @Skaves @Skaves @Skaves you fucking cunt.