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Discussion in 'Your Shitty Projects' started by minty, Jul 28, 2015.
From what I've seen of your posts, this is not going to be an easy decision...
Wait, OK, it's not as hard as I thought.
I'm not a pyromaniac.
Ok uh, so how do we swiftly dismiss of all the other aventures so I can get the money?
You have a way with words, minty
A. I don't know which is the dream
Is there death in this game?
Welp, I came. Adios.
from what i remember of choose your own adventure books, 90% of the endings were death or falling into bottomless pits with no way out
Argh unlock your profile
i honestly didn't know if i still would... it has been a good long while since i wrote a story on here
fuck, since before trixie was shamed off the forum
Jolly good! So... i chose the option D last night, so you're calling the shots on the next dilemma.
go to the gamergate thread if you wanna harass women you fucking misogypig
I wasn't gonna harass you on your profile, you impeccable monster.
all you ever do on my profile is post autism. i will not be your autism enabler... consider this is an intervention.
When was the last time I posted on your profile?
every time you post on it is too soon. now get the hell out of my thread and get aborted
You lay back down and try desperately to recreate the dream so you can drown in Asian lady shit. You stare at the wall and start yawning and then slowly close your eyes.
You're standing on the beach of a tropical island with palm and coconut trees in front of you as far as the eyes can see. The ocean crashes onto the shore, but makes no sound. The trees rustle in the wind silently. Your feet make no splash when you step into the waves.
You feel yourself pulled to the center of the island like a magnet. On your way you pass other mime-rendered reality: a coconut falling off a tree with no thud, a bird with no tweet. Only ominous silence. When you reach the center you find a clearing with a small purple object in the middle. You approach it and stare.
It is a crab. A Purple Crab. Wielding a paint brush. Your eyes meet and you stare, waiting for something to happen.
Purple Crab claws a scrap of tree bark in its left pincer and dips the brush in a broken coconut shell full of crushed berries with the right. The crab paints three music notes followed by the letters "T A K K E E." Purple Crab then shrinks and fades, turning into a small silver key.
A. Take the silver Purple Crab key
B. Mourn the loss of your sanity and pledge to start living a drug-free life
You follow the shadow as it twists down dark alleys left and right, on and on and on. While following you notice your party host seems to have an odd gait but you figure that it's not your place to judge and keep following. The shadow's shoes make a weird clicking sound on the pavement that sounds like nothing you've heard before. You check your watch. 6 a.m. Still no sunlight. Your legs are tired.
"Are we almost there?" you ask the shadow figure.
"Don't worry. We're getting closer," is the reply given to you.
A few minutes later and you finally come to a street of abandoned buildings with no cars out front across from a field with some trees. You see other figures moving in the distance, dancing in the field. They seem off to you somehow, like the person leading you.
A. Continue to the weird party
B. Claim you need to take a piss and run for it when you're out of sight
Passing up on the chance to speak to another human being who thinks you don't suck is a terrible idea to you, so you quickly trim your pubes, throw a pair of sunglasses over your dick and snap a picture in the hopes that, should it end up on the forum, you can play the event off as humorous instead of shameful and desperate. Your new ladyfriend types a girly-giggly "lol XD" as a reply and agrees to tinychat.
After typing disgusting things to each other that would make baby jesus cry, you blow your load on your keyboard and start awkwardly talking to the woman. after 15 minutes of asking stupid questions like "What's your favorite color?" and "What do you do for fun?" you discover she lives a half hour away from you in the next town by an open field. She says she's still horny and would like you to visit in person.
A. Make the trip
B. Pretend you have shit to do when you really don't
A. I like to explore when I know I shouldn't
After spending half an hour trying unsuccessfully to wash the grime away from your soul, you leave your bathroom. As a devout Breadatarian, your shower is the only thing that will be getting hot and wet today. You get dressed and put on your Pillsbury Rosary and tuck it under your shirt. You wouldn't want it to get broken or anything while you're out working. You pray to your yeasty gods for good rise and browning in the Holy Oven, then you put on your trusty Detective Gear: Coat and Hat.
Your Pillsbury Rosary gives +1 against Dark Magic and Protection from Oven Burns
Your Coat gives +1 Style and Protection from Rain. When combined with the Hat +1 Sneak when using the Upturned Collar function.
You look in your mirror and straighten your hat. You are Detective Breadkun. Ready to solve Bread-Related Mysteries.
There are two case files on your desk that need solving.
A. Choose the file marked "Flour Robbery"
B. Choose the file marked "Missing Pumpernickel Loaf"
After seeing no traffic or sign of sunrise en route, you arrive at her apartment building. Off to your left you see some people dancing in the field across the street. They look a little weird. Then you turn your head and see HER. She's standing on the sidewalk and flags you down. You've never quite seen anyone so attractive before in your life. You're drawn to her and speechless. She motions for you to follow her upstairs and you stumble on your way upstairs repeatedly because you can't take your eyes off her. You get inside her apartment and she leads you to her couch to sit down.
"I'll be right back. Wait right here and don't move," she says and exits the room through a door on the left.
After a minute, you start to come to your senses a little. You don't know shit about this broad. You didn't even wait a few days or find out her age. Do you even remember what her fucking screen name was? Did you bother to find out her real name AT ALL? You suddenly feel very alone.
You hear something behind the other door in front of you. The one she didn't go in.
"It's probably a cat or something," you say to yourself.
You're go back to wondering whether or not you should go through with this when another, louder sound comes from behind the door. THUD.
She still hasn't come back yet.
A. Find out what's behind the door in front of you
you can't pick... only hater gets to pick what goes on in his adventure. wait for the next story and i'll make sure you get a spot, k?
Just saving my spot for the next story.
A, Flour Robbery is the only logical choice.
That's one of my favorite expressions!
It's never too late..
I knew I fucked up. If I leave the dancers might be waiting at the door or the bitch will enchant me again, or even worse she will tell everyone on EDF that I pussied out.
Maybe I should've listened to her and didn't move but I investigate the room hoping it's not her naked grandmother.
You open the Flour Robbery case file. It brings a tear to your eye. Do people not realize that precious Bread cannot be made without Flour? How are people supposed to roll dough loaves without them getting sticky with no Flour?
You get a pair of Rubber Gloves and a Magnifying Glass and head to the Bakery where the crime occurred.
"You're 15 minutes late," the owner says, looking at you in disgust. "I'm taking this out of your paycheck. Keep this up and you're fired. And stop wearing that coat here. It creeps out the customers."
You hang up your Coat and Hat, but slide the Rubber Gloves and Magnifying Glass into your Baker's Apron.
The Baker's Apron provides Protection from Sticky Dough.
"There's a case of flour missing from the kitchen, Mr. Douglas," you say to the owner. "I need to investigate this crime. It's urgent."
"No, you don't! There's still 5 cases left and none of the sourdough has been baked yet. We have customers that come in everyday for sourdough during lunch. You have 3 hours to get enough ready to cover the lunch rush. Get to baking you lazy shit!"
You go back into the kitchen feeling angry and dejected. You know the owner won't come back here. He's wearing his pinstripe suit. He would never risk it getting dirty.
A. Investigate the missing flour
B. Get to work you lazy shit!