Ask an attorney various legal questions!

Discussion in 'Hard Gay Shitpost Metropolis' started by lulzyer, Jul 22, 2011.

  1. lulzyer

    lulzyer
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    Attorney at lol

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    Hello fellow bros, I am an attorney. I am barred in PA and AZ, so I will do my best to answer your legal questions and conundrums. My answers may not be the clearest, since I was working all day and I am now drinking scotch (Dewar's 12). Thank you!
     
  2. meow :3

    meow :3
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  3. Immortal_Cake

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    Noice

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    What kind of attorney are you?

    [​IMG]
     
  4. Immortal_Cake

    Immortal_Cake
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    Noice

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    I just realized this isn't a new thread.

    What the fuck...
     
  5. GSTalbert1

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    Girlvinyl

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    Doesn't the government and the law recognize society when it's incorporated?
     
  6. Dr. Rice

    Dr. Rice
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    Girlvinyl

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    If I am accused of rape, how do I reduce the charge to butthole robbery?
     
  7. Rape Train

    Rape Train
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    EDF Hero

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    Lulzyer is a lawyer who's post in this threads offers free legal advice to a forum board filled with members likely to need it.
    Meow's post in this thread offers spam to a forum that is made of spam.
    Do note each post has an equal amount of likes. This has to mean something.
     
  8. Kamixox

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    Dramacrat

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    is it true that if i lived in arizona, i could be prosecuted for owning 6 or more dildos or flesh lights?
     
  9. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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  10. Kamixox

    Kamixox
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    Dramacrat

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    god damn fucking meow
     
  11. Likeicare

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    EDF is my hugbox

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  12. oddguy

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    The Prime Memeister

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  13. Baya Rae 4900

    Baya Rae 4900
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    Lawlman

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    Only if they're nameless NPCs.
     
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  14. oddguy

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    The Prime Memeister

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    What is the legal term for when you go bang-bang at people and make them give you their money?
     
  15. Immortal_Cake

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    Noice

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    A Jewish gangbang.

    Come on, oddguy, you knew that.
     
  16. Aroukar

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    Why does the legal system use Latin terms?
     
  17. Murdoc esp

    Murdoc esp
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    soy un vago de mierda....
    Anybody asking for advice at EDF doesn't need a lawyer, what they need is a psychologist.
     
  18. Immortal_Cake

    Immortal_Cake
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    Noice

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    I don't think you know that word, "is."
     
  19. GSTalbert1

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    Girlvinyl

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    How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
     
  20. Murdoc esp

    Murdoc esp
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    EDF Elite

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    soy un vago de mierda....
    And?
     
  21. scumhook

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    Managing account details

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    Get your mother to drop the charges.
     
  22. Immortal_Cake

    Immortal_Cake
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    Noice

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    No, that's not what it means.
     
  23. Murdoc esp

    Murdoc esp
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    EDF Elite

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    [​IMG]
     
  24. lulzyer

    lulzyer
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    Attorney at lol

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    Sorry for the late response. I do criminal defense (not like Saul). I work for one of the biggest firms in Phoenix. I handle a lot of the Fraud/White Collar defense, since my background is in Economics and Finance. My job is basically to get a plea agreement for people with the least amount of prison time. I used to be a prosecutor for the Attorney General's office working in their Fraud unit.

    I got fired from there back in February. Been working defense ever since!

    Better Call Saul!

    Sorry for the late response.
     
  25. lulzyer

    lulzyer
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    Attorney at lol

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    Are you talking about that Sovereign Citizen nonsense? They believe that the government is governed by the UCC (Uniform Commercial Code) and other nonsense, such as how your name has to be in Capital and Lowercase (John Smith) otherwise any indictments are not valid and the court has no jurisdiction.

    You can probably why this makes no sense. The UCC came around in the 1930's, while the basis for our government has been around much, much longer.
     
  26. lulzyer

    lulzyer
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    Attorney at lol

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    I doubt it. I was a prosecutor and i cant think of anything to charge you with.

    Fun fact I went out on a date with a girl in college. She got drunk and we went back to her dorm room. She showed me her Dildo, which was a gigantic, super realistic cock. It must have been 4 inches in diameter and 8 inches long.

    We did not bang. Even if we did, i was woefully inadequate compared to that dildo.
     
  27. lulzyer

    lulzyer
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    Attorney at lol

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    Ha, Butthole robbery. At the least you are looking at Attempted Aggravated Sexual Assault, which is a class 2 felony, presumptive 5 years, Max 10, Aggravated 12.5

    If it's classified as a Dangerous crime, Presumptive is 10.5.

    How many prior felonies do you have?
     
  28. lulzyer

    lulzyer
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    Attorney at lol

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    There is only one a couple of legal, government sanctioned ways to kill someone:

    Join the Military or be in a law enforcement position where you can use deadly force.

    For civilians, there is really only one way - self defense. And the magic words are "i was in fear for my family and my life". Keep in mind self defense is kept to a REASONABLE PERSON STANDARD - what the average, reasonable person in the community would do.
     
  29. GSTalbert1

    GSTalbert1
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    Girlvinyl

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    lol no, that shit's just stupid. I remember when I was being arraigned for a PI and this guy pulled that shit and the judge just rolled his eyes and the same shit happened anyway.

    I'm referring to the incorporation of medieval towns and royal charters such as the east india company.
     
  30. lulzyer

    lulzyer
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    Attorney at lol

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    Robbery is to the person; Burglary is to the structure (or car). So when you say "my house was robbed" that is technically not correct.