I'm pretty surprised that nobody has decided to write an article about this creep before. He's overused in YouTube Poops and the fact that he kidnaps children has Michael Jackson written all over it; thus, I decided to take a crack at writing an article for the site. I.M. Meen --------------------------------------------- The uncanny vally version of Mozart... Scared? I.M. Meen is another one of those brain dead “educational” games where you learn how to spell and punctuate properly. It was originally for the MS-DOS(unless someone decided to pirate the game to make a quick buck) and featured the voice talents of Peter Berkrot. The Plot --------------------------------------------- The game centers around a wizard with a pedophile complex named I.M. Meen (They say the I and M stand for Ignatius and Mortimer respectively, but I don’t believe that, so I sent a guy to check it out to see if it’s true. Sadly, he never returned because when he asked Meen about his real name, he was sucked into a magic book or something like that… Oh well! Moving on!), a butt ugly gnome with an interest for men named Gnorris, and two children named Scott and Katie. It starts out with the children studying their homework in a library owned by Meen himself. Suddenly, he decides to rant about children and learning in the form of a cheesy song and dance routine that would instantly get him booted off American Idol. Don’t believe me? Well, watch this video that I stole borrowed off of YouTube. It’s worth all the lulz in the world, so you better watch it! Also, notice how he only physically touched Katie. Coincidence??? You decide! After that lol fest is over, Meen decided to teach those brats a lesson by trapping them in some kind of magic book that apparently leads to some type of labyrinth infested with monsters. Later, Gnorris got ticked off with Meen because Meen refused to sleep in the same bed with him. Instead of bawling like a normal person, he decided to do something useful and get even with Meen by freeing Scott and Katie. Then he gives the children candy a magic orb, so he can spy on them (even when they go to the bathroom) and give them threats on killing them in their sleep. Of course, before he sends Scott and Katie off on a genocide of Meen’s monsters, Gnorris makes the children promise not to tell Meen that he freed them. Otherwise, Meen will turn him into a warthog (but what he really means is that Meen will dress him in a warthog fursuit to fulfill his own deluded fantasy of getting down with a furry). After the kids free a few other children Meen trapped for his own guilty pleasures and slaughtered some monsters, Meen appears out of nowhere and threatens to turn the kids into chipmunks unless they go back to their cells (and if you’re paying attention to this article, what he really means is that he’s now going to dress them in fursuits to combine his pedophilia with his interest for furries). If this doesn't prove that Meen is secretly a furry, I don't know what will. Later, Scott and Katie found themselves back in Meen’s library again because freeing children and killing monsters apparently destroys labyrinths (that’s how it works in Zelda anyway). Then Meen shows up and bawls about how they destroyed his labyrinth and attempts to make them love men; however, since Katie is female and already loves men by default, the spell fails epically. After some more bawling, Meen decides to run away like a crybaby and get his revenge by posting degrading pictures of Scott and Katie all over his blog, which eventually leads to him getting hit by the banhammer. Gameplay --------------------------------------------- Basically, the entire game is a rip off of that freak show, Doom. You control one of the two children (Really? Why not both? You get to play as both Mario and Luigi in one of their series of overrated RPG games, so that’s not fair!) and they have to free children and slay monsters before Meen decides to round them up for his fun time. They get weapons to cause MASSIVE DAMAGE and use an Agility Meter instead of a health meter. It would be no different from a regular health meter, but if the Agility Meter empties, the child you’re playing as gets returned to the start of the level and loses everything her or she has. This may sound unfair, but if you look at other video games that use real health meters, the console explodes when the health meter drains. Then you have to save up all your money to buy a new one, but since the next version of that console (as in it now has slightly better graphics and costs over 9,000 times more) comes out, that just defeats the purpose of replacing your garbage gaming console with the exact same garbage gaming console. Seriously! Don’t waste your money on consoles when PCs are one hundred times better anyway! Also, the game is mostly a beat-em-up game that has no educational value whatsoever…. Unless the game is trying to teach children to beat up people from different races and release children from deranged pedophiles… Oh yeah! Now I remember! It has no more than five scrolls where you correct hard to spot grammar mistakes, but that’s it. By the way, before I forget, about 98% of the game is mostly watching cut scenes featuring Meen taunting the children in the most disgusting ways possible. Sadly, the most interesting cut scenes, including one that features Meen actually dressing up Katie in a chipmunk costume, were removed from the final version of the game because if they were in there, then 99% of the game would be watching cut scenes. Luckily, dedicated YouTubers are making a diligent effort to recreate these cut scenes and place them in a hacked version of the game. How did they know about these cut scenes if they were actually not in the game? Magic? …… Oh well! In the meantime, take a look at one of the cut scenes that has been fully replicated! The Cut Scenes --------------------------------------------- Wondering why the cut scenes in this game look like they came out of those eyesore CD-I games, such as Link: The Faces of Evil and Hotel Mario? Well, unless your brain dead, the same Russian nut jobs, Animation Magic, who did those games, also created I.M. Meen. As expected, it is commonly used as YouTube Poop fodder. Don’t believe me? Well, watch this YouTube Poop and you’ll see what I mean! Also, note how Gnorris’ interest for men is demonstrated spot on in this video. The game was so successful that it even started a series of funny videos that easily get at least 100 views. Warning: Video may contain traces of seizure enduing content and Earrape. Ask your doctor before watching YouTube Poops. The Sequel --------------------------------------------- You may think a game this bad would never get a sequel, but you’re dead wrong about that! Like other horrible movies before it, such as Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, the sequel to I.M. Meen, Chill Manor, is a carbon copy that is no more than 5% different. In this game, some kids who cosplay as historical figures, such as George W. Bush and Adolf Hitler, find a mansion owned by Meen’s so called wife, Ophelia Chill. Like Meen, Ophelia blurts out all her plans in a tacky song and dance; however, instead of trapping children for her own dirty desires, she decides to steal some book that can control history or something like that. Of course, instead of doing something cool with the book, such as actually taking over the world, or decreasing her already ancient age by over 9,000 years, she instead uses it to fool around with historical events, such as changing the name of the Holocaust to “Super Happy Fun Time,” and saving money on car insurance. Fortunately, the big difference of this game is that it only has three cut scenes, which means it give those basement dwellers less raw material to make even more YouTube Poops. Besides the tacky song and dance scene, the first of the other two cut scenes are Ophelia writing in the Death Note to kill the children if they lose (much better then the one in I.M. Meen where Meen orders the kids back to their cells and soundly abuses them later). As for the other one… Well… Let’s just say that Meen makes a special guest appearance to practice the ultimate pleasure of life on a chair… Oh! And Ophella is also there tied to the same chair Meen violates afterwards, but what doesn’t make sense is that the game never shows the kids tying her up in the first place… Or the fact that she can just teleport out of that chair anytime she wants. Yeah… Since Chill Manor is less popular than I.M. Meen, there are no pictures on the Interent to show for this game… Of course, all the cut scenes can be found on YouTube, including this one.