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Discussion in 'Locker Room Talk' started by Emily, Sep 13, 2011.
Cause I don't have any myself.
My boyfriend did the charizard to me.
The fire burned my dick some.
My first boyfriend was Russian, and his parents were Jewish, but he wasn't, so he was uncut.
He had a roughly four-inch dick with enough foreskin for an eight-inch dick.
So we were trying to have our first time, and somehow he was gonna be on top, even though, logistically speaking, I should've been. And he couldn't get his dick into me, but I didn't wanna be a bitch about it, so I just lay on my belly on the bed and let him dry-hump me, while talking dirty to him and receiving really awkward and weird replies.
I felt kinda bad at the time, because I really did love him, but the whole time he was on top of me I was just thinking "Are you done yet???" I could've had more fun with a bottle brush.
I hope this counts as amusing.
I almost boned a dude in Greece once but was super wasted and forgot I had a stupid money belt clipped around my waist under my pants. He spend about 5 minutes trying to pull it down and yank it unsuccessfully when finally I realized it wasn't my underwear. I also realized that was probably a sign not to bone him so I left shortly after and I was covered in scrapes from the plastic and bruises around my waist the next day which was SUPER FUN for traveling and walking around a bunch.
I remember having to do public sex once in ibiza as neither of us were able to go back to our dwellings, and some guy kept watching us. We kept trying to move out of view, and he'd just move closer. In the end she told me to ignore him and get on with the job at hand. Next thing we see is him standing beside us with his cock out, thinking we were going to invite him in. She went mental at him in her northern accent while pulling up her knickers, was an amusing sight.
Only one I can think of at the moment.
i accidently posted my on this forum... i was supposed to post it to someone on msn while i was doing cyber sex
lol, that's a cool story. Guy must've been ronery as hell.
i never really had any amusing experiences but some of you guys posts are very... lets say...interesting.
Me and my boyfriend got like really drunk a few nights ago, we fucked and tryed to play Kinect games at the same time, it was funny
Well, my best one was the porno, turned to lawsuit, turned lawlsuit (Seen Here)
Also, I got this one chick, who is a total cunt at my college , completely shitfaced, had her give me head in the stairwell of her dorm building, blew my load on her face, then let her pass out with cum on her face.
you're a classy guy.
I don't abuse women, I merely put bitchy women in their place.
in the kitchen now... wearing what?
What are you wearing?
When I was 18, during the Early Middle Ages, i was seduced by a 52 year old actress. She was beautiful, interesting and seriously wierd (actresses always are). I shagged her on the quiet for 6 months, and then she went off to Monte Carlo to film a bit part, I never saw her again. Its was a most character forming experience at 18........................I doubt she's stil lalive, if she is she'll be knocking on 100 by now, and probably not very shaggable.
a pair of welding goggles & a blacksmith's apron....
and a pair of black & white saddle shoes.
Okay, strap yourselves in. Shit's about to get super-retarded.
Once upon a time, I was stationed in Okinawa. And in Okinawa, there are these retard spots called "Buy me drinkee bars" where phillipino sluts hangout for you to buy them drinks for their time. They'll sit on your lap and let you motorboat them for like...4 or 5 minutes per drink. Anyway, I was in said establishment, and let me tell you, I WAS GETTIN' DRRRRRRRRRUNK. So I'm chatting this phillipino girl up (who has the intelligence of a fucking toaster oven), and I FINALLY convince her for some mouth action. We go into one of the sleazy "private areas", and she goes to town. Now, you're supposed to WARN them before the mighty dude glue is coming, but I didn't want a bj with an hj finish, no sir. I want HOMINA HOMA HOMINA KA-BLOW, all up in her face hole. This didn't work out. She FREAKS and start screaming at me in kung fu tongues, and I'm laughing hysterically because A). I'm super drunk and B). She's acting like she got a mouth of battery acid. She leaves, I go back to my seat, satisfied and relaxed, reveling in personal glory. A tap on the shoulder. There's an 80 year old, 4 foot tall ninja granny telling me to get out and "no come back". Naturally, I'm not having any part in this, I said "NO".
Bad idea. Little granny woman promptly grabs me by the wrist, pulls some ninjitsu shit out of her panties, and promptly flips me out of me seat and DRAGS me to the door.
Long story short: I got beat up by a little old lady for blasting a chick in the mouth with baby batter.
Similar... Had a beautiful girlfriend that loved to give head, but would always spit... I pulled the old "no safe word" trick and blew a beauty into her mouth one night. She was fucking pissed. Glad there was no gun
Because that couldn't possibly happen when you whore yourself out for drinks!
I was getting drunk with this titty monster I wished didn't have a boyfriend. She was arguing with said boyfriend and got so drunk she couldn't even stand. Well shit ended up back at my place, so we stuck her on a spare mattress in my room. Eventually, I go to bed. She crawlrolls out of her little space (probably hitting her head a few times, can't remember) and demands sex. I tell her I don't want to deal with the aftermath. She pins my arms to my side and tells me " can't stop [her]!" So I plead that "We don't have any condoms!" She sighs a great frustrated sigh, rolls over and makes me sleep on her milk jugs for the rest of the night. Of course the "What happened last night" conversation happened, judgmental friend on the phone and everything.
Fast forward a few years...
I start dating some girl I've known since, well...then; but she had been 17 and I felt weird even being around her. She's in her early 20's now so our age gap is kike nothing anymore. She wants to take it slow...understood, she's dealt with some bullshit and why fuck with a friendship. We really never got to see each other and I had booked a trip to Egypt for the semester break. So that's more. When I got back jet lag wouldn't allow me to sleep more than three hours at a time. Weekend comes. We meet up. Food. Drinks. Apprehensively groping one-another. Encounter a bunch of weirdos...but that's another story. It becomes apparent that I won't be able to drive back from Boston without nodding off. So we go back to her place...under the promise I'll behave. We get upstairs, she places all the gifts I got her from Egypt, lends me a pair of pj's, and we lie down. Obviously we kiss a few times; but she's a very very tall, athletic broad who has no trouble drunkenly seizing my elf-like frame and rubbing it against her kike a bar of soap. Worried about the fate of her pajamas, I reminded her of my promise, and she flings me aside and watches The Lost Boys. Aftermath? I woke up with Sleep Paralysis with my eyes open and got the unfocussed vision of the upper corner of her room ingrained in my memory.