HEY GANG! Hey gang. So, as some of you maybe have heard, from time to time I like to do drugs. Over the past several months I have found a really great lady dealer who, despite being moody (what women AREN'T, right guys?? *brofist*) she's always fair with her prices and you always get what you pay for, quantity-wise; points are always points - quarters always quarters, etc et al. But now her super scary "man" is back, just out of prison. For real, he was locked away for a few years on aggravated assault charges, but in reality, he and two other guys for real murdered a guy in one city and dumped the body in another city. I don't know the specifics, but for some reason they couldn't peg the [drug related / beef related] murder on him or his crew. So they slapped him with the AA charges instead. Here in town, he's a big deal. His name's known. And now he's my dealer, taking over his wife's business. When I first met him a few weeks ago, right after he got out, he treated me like a real piece of shit. But the lady, luckily, told him to lay off me because I'm one of her best "custies." So now, the guy just dogs me all the time on the phone and at his house -- but being dumb and lippy, I've taken to using my superior mind on making clever comebacks. Long, boring story short -- he pulled a gun on me a few days ago, after I implied I was an undercover SWAT agent, there to take him down "once and for all." I nearly shit my pants when he pulled his piece on me. I genuinely thought I was going to get shot. But then he's like: "AAAHHAHAHAHAH GOTCHA FAGGOT!! Oh man, what a bitch! _The look on your face!!!_" So after my body slurped the liquid shit back up into my colon, where it belongs, I began really ripping with SUPER MEAN, EDF-quality, mega gross jokes. And now we're pals! In fact, I just hungout with him and his old lady about an hour ago. He kept making "jokes" about punching me out. So I told him that I understand I'm a very punchable guy. He likes that I humble myself, but also when I rip on him, it's like, SO brutal and dirty. So, I just thought I'd make a TL;DR article about how I'm not becoming fast friends with a genuine cold blooded killer of men. Thanks for reading, gang!! TL;DR? I'm becoming friends with an actual murderer.