A shit post about vilolent and/or glorious shits

Discussion in 'Nobody Cares' started by quiet_banshee, Feb 23, 2013.

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  1. quiet_banshee

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    Jan 25, 2013
    So this shit I took this morning is still haunting my memory, eight hours later.

    See, as many drug users will attest, wreaking havoc on your internal organs on the reg can cause... well, irregularity when it comes to pinching loaves. Three days ago, I took some pills (e and mdma) and thought nothing of it. Good times. What I failed to notice is that I did not take a single shit between that day, and this morning. I've since mentally catalogued what I consumed between that moment and the moment of truth:

    -Four (4) Mozza Burgers from A&W (they're on sale right now, 2 for 6$)
    -Three (3) bowls of Frosted Flakes
    -Half (1/2) of a bag of chee-tos, puffy
    -Two (2) liters of Mountain Dew
    -Four (4) breakfast sausages
    -Six (6) eggs
    -Five (5) bananas
    -Roughly One point eight (1.8) liters of RAGE energy drink
    -One (1) Cadbury Dairy Milk bar
    -Four (4) pieces of multigrain toast

    And so, this morning I was awoken by unspeakable bowel pain. I did the normal thing and went down to the shitter to evacuate my colon. Sitting there, though, I came to realize that not doing this sooner was a terrible choice: the accumulated shit had turned into a hard-as-rock beast, a monster of a turd that had me sweating even before it was anywhere near crowning.

    It was awful.

    At first, I felt like someone was pulling one of those dragon-horn dildos out of my bunghole. I got my game-face on and tried to approach it strategically: pushing would certainly result in intense physical pain, so I decided to let nature run its course and let the shit come out on its own accord. After a few minutes, the tip of the accursed mass began to crown. It felt like a woodchip and I yelped in pain. In a fit of inspiration I clenched my sphincter, cutting the rock-hard tip of the fecal monstrosity. After that, the floodgates were open, and the ensuing sensation can only be described as getting fucked in reverse. The entire mass started to fall out, as I whimpered/groaned. That whole process lasted about ten minutes... I was determined to have that mess come out in as few pieces as possible.

    Before long, the backlog of rock-hard shit gave way to the softer, gentler fresh stuff, and I completed the shit with relative ease. The very instant I was done, I got up and gazed into the bowl in wonder. The small piece I had cut from the tip was grey in color, and looked exactly like a little piece of dead wood. The rest looked like a large, fat nigger cock, about nine inches in length and two and a half, maybe three inches wide. I stared at it., hypnotized. In awe. I actually felt ass though I had lost weight, and I beamed in pride at the demonic spawn of my belly. I stayed that way, gazing at it, like I imagine Da Vinci gazed at the Mona Lisa when he finished it. Slowly, almost begrudgingly, I began to clean myself up and send my wondrous creation into the sewage system, never to be seen again, after saying my goodbyes.

    All day, the empty feeling in my stomach reminds me of what transpired. Sure, it was painful, but the sense of accomplishment I felt at the sheer size of the poop has really put a pep in my step.

    So how about you? Got any interesting shit stories to share with your EDF frens?